There are not even words to describe this meeting.

Although “Glengarry Glen Ross” comes close. Honestly, I’ve never been so shocked and demeaned by a meeting.

First, don’t call it a “voluntary” meeting if it’s mandatory. Call that a “mandatory meeting.” At the “voluntary” meeting, don’t announce that it’s actually a mandatory meeting so good for you for showing up. Don’t tell us that there are going to be a lot more “voluntary” meetings at which you will take roll and reward those who show up.

Second, I’m an adult and (most days) a professional. You’re management. Don’t tell me to "kick a** on everying fing project." Don’t “fire us up” with curse words. Those are the words I use to talk about stuff I don’t like. Like “voluntary” meetings that are actually fing mandatory.

There are so many, many other things about this that are, substantively, just so plain wrong. I love my job. Don’t make me hate it.

Last year we had a new manager here who tried the “motivation through swear words” technique. Our office environment is a highly professional, very straight-laced one. His technique went down like a lead balloon. We all got together and complained to senior management. The manager was forced to apologise and tone down his act. He left not long after.

Personally (yes, I was raised very straight-laced), I end up thinking that people who resort to casual super-naughty words have run out of vocabulary. Time to fill up the brain again.