Jeez, a guy experiments with different ways of wiping his ass and the one time I try the “Crouching Tiger” some dude happens to wander in and starts a pit thread about it!
I bet this is the same thing that happened to Larry Craig…
I have a theory that regardless of how nice the public restroom is, people will find some ass-ppalling way to destroy it for others.
The only way I can think of this as happening is that maybe some other jerk left the toilet in such a gruesome state that the person now using it was repelled so much they had to squat away from the toilet (not sure how they managed the depth of squatting they did, but seems like a reasonable explanation of the location.) Perhaps the horribleness of the toilet actively exerted a mighty force, akin to that of those fancy Neodymium magnets so their ass could not even be brought physically close to the toilet in question.
I think in the future, high-speed rail will be powered by the “horrid-ass toilet revulsion principle” I’ve described above. Amtrak of 2060 will systematically make the toilets in the departure station so revoltingly nasty that it will force the collective asses of all the passengers in the train to shoot away from the station at hundreds of miles an hour. Some sort of harness will be required to keep people from flying into the forward bulkhead of the train car, but I’m sure they’re working on it.
The bathroom in question is actually usually in good condition; our custodial and facilities crew do a really good job of keeping it clean and working. I had never really noticed before today that the gap of about 16-20 inches between the floor and the lower edge of the doors and dividers isn’t enough to protect us from true, deep-form squatters.
Chefguy’s post reminded me that this is the same bathroom where, a couple years ago, I was using one of the stalls and a work-study student jumped up from the stall next to mine to see over the divider. Why the fuck can’t people even get some privacy in the bathroom? Maybe I just need to start avoiding that restroom altogether. Maybe I need a new job and to avoid this workplace altogether.
hey buddy you got this tape worm.
I think the OP means the door was ajar, not closed. With the door slightly opened outward instead of inwards towards the guy using the toilet.
If that is indeed the case I’m going to say the latch was faulty and the door swung slightly open during mid poop.
We should be feeling sorry for this guy not pitting him.
I’ve had this happen to me on occasion.
Well, at least he didn’t threadshit.
Ah, the God Shit. Only the truely faithful re-trouse without a wipe and bask in His Glory. Lesser beings, on suspecting the presence of the GS, will cripple under the pressure and wipe. And upon proof of their squandered GS, with head hung in shame at the wasted paper, they slink from the restroom like a whore from confession.
:D:D:D
Thank you for that edit. That was priceless.
I don’t say “LOL,” so I’ll just say this again:
:D:D:D
Yeah, I’m still having trouble picturing it. Totally fine with that.
I’ve made a few sketches. . . but it looks like Claudia Schiffer in 7 inch spike heels. Was it Claudia, OP?
No, the door was fully closed, but useless since the ass was so low it was 100% below the door’s lower edge. 
If I may ask, how low did he go? And you?
He was low enough to be doing some horrifying shit-limbo.
I was as tall as I am, but desperately wishing I were blind. I don’t think wishing I were taller would have helped. It’s entirely possible he would have been disqualified from the Coprolimbo Association for illegal back support by the stall door… so he may have been using the stall door, but not in the way it was intended to be used.
I should re-title the pit thread with “particular” in front of “reason.”
I’ll be in that position only if i’m sick, but not sick enough to put my face too near a public toilet seat.
And just hope you don’t have to use the facilities until you’re safely at home, because the Prime Mover of the world’s energy supply will be giant fields of public restrooms sprayed liberally with #s 1 and 2. Not to mention the unspeakable horrors unique to the ladies’ room :eek:
Remember how we were talking about cultural differences earlier in the thread? In MY country, you wipe, dammit, no matter how clean you think you are.
Maybe he was visiting from another country and wasn’t, how shall I say this, all tht acquainted with the logistics of the situation. I remember when I lived in Japan, the “squat” toilets were set up so that you had to have your tush towards the door. I could never do it that way; I always faced the door. Interestingly enough, in both South Korea and China, the squatters are set up so you face the door.
Hey, be happy he wasn’t from one of the countries where you don’t flush the paper, but instead drop the used TP into a small trashcan next to the commode. Or worse yet, from one of the areas where they don’t use TP at but instead rinse the bum.
p.s. You remember what “#1” and “#2” mean in regards to the men’s roomm? Want to know what “#11” means?
Dumb question that no one else seems to have asked - in what country do you work, wevets?
Forever after I’m gonna think of OleOneEye as a euphemism.
There is an old joke about cattle drovers who, because of their low-fibre diet, were always constipated.
Anyway, one fine day this old bloke one went to see his doctor who asked him if he was having trouble with bowel movements. The old drover replied “No Doc. What you do is squat real low, push until the end comes out, put your boot-heel on that and then stand up.” 