Thank you Senoy for eloquently clarifying some of the ideas that I have tried to refine for decades.
As far back as my teenage years, I’ve always immensely enjoyed the company of women, much more than that of men. I’ve learnt a lot from them and, as a matter of fact, the people who have mattered the most in my life have all been female, and I’m not talking exclusively about romantic relationships.
Does that mean I’ve never been a douche ? Oh boy, I sure have. Probably not like the bros described in the OP, but still. The thing is, no matter what your situation is there is always a very real element of seduction, even in “just close friends” relationships. And it is almost certain that those feelings will be stronger on one side than the other. In that case, that “don’t be a douche” motto is absolutely vital if you care about the other person. Your own feelings, while not irrelevant, must take a back seat to those of the other person. It’s always a struggle not to make it about yourself but when I’m really interested in someone, I want to know about them, learn from them and allow them to change me.
There are two women whom I care a lot for in my life. One is incredibly funny and a genuinely caring person. The other is highly qualified and educated. Both are fascinating in their own way. I’m married, so are they and that’s it. Still, I’d be lying if I said that seduction isn’t part of the relationship. But since I don’t want to be a douche, I try to identify it as quickly as possible and divert its energy, so to speak. Easier said than done, probably but when you can do it and see them as human beings who deserve respect and attention, and not as mere props for your ego, it’s liberating. And the relationship becomes much more meaningful.