Some folks say that Willie Green was the baddest motherfucker the world ever seen…
When my young daughters were doing dance, there were all sorts of teenage girls running the dance classes and putting on the shows. And three or four teenage boys. And those boys were the smartest dudes ever. Because they got to hang around dozens of teenage girls, and get to know them, in the non-douchey way mentioned above.
Yeah, yeah, dancing with pretty girls is for fags. Heterosexual men would prefer to hang out over at the gym locker room with other naked guys.
I’m just saying, hanging around with pretty girls is a thing that heterosexual men like to do. And if you can’t bring yourself to actually dance or whatever, just be on the crew. Do the lighting, nail together some two by fours, slap some paint on stuff. Be a hero.
That’s actually not true. We know this is so because there are actually more women than men in the US (it would be the world, but the douches in China, India and the Middle East kill their female fetuses, so don’t look for women in China, India or the Middle East) so we know that attractiveness all balances out. Yes, there are physically unattractive men in the world, but so too are there physically unattractive women that would want to be with them. It is actually worse for women because men get judged on much more than their attractiveness while due to the fact that most men are douches, women are predominantly judged on theirs.
“But, wait!” you say. “I don’t want to be with a woman whose physical attractiveness is roughly on par with my own. I only want to be with a ‘hot girl.’” Well, my friend. Such a statement makes you a douche and it violates my core premise. DON’T BE A DOUCHE!
I don’t get past additional conditions 1 or 2 so I don’t have a chance to be a douche, but thanks for the advice.
I think I’ll still try to lose another hundred pounds (and maybe also change every other thing about myself) before considering entering the market though.
My late spouse, who was at a disadvantage due to being short, disabled, and walking with a bad limp, had no trouble acquiring girlfriends. His secret?
He talked to them like human beings.
In other words, his conversations with women were similar to those he had with men, and covered similar topics. This is another way to be non-douchey - treat women like human beings. Senoy covered quite a bit of the same territory. You shouldn’t have to radically change your language when you interact with the opposite gender and/or go on a date.
He also had a lot of hobbies, which led to him meeting lots of people, many of them women. So yeah, you need to get out there and meet people, too.
My non-humorous advice is really to just get out of the house, make friends, go places, be yourself. A truth is that friends like to set their other friends up, so get out and about, expand your social circle and provided that you’re a generally normal, generally nice guy they’ll start setting you up. If it’s not happening, (you can sometimes find yourself in an all male group that is just feeding off of itself,) branch out and make other friends. Try new hobbies. Look in the local papers for random events that might interest you and then once you go, make an effort to talk to people around you. It’s not a hard thing to do, but for many people it’s uncomfortable, but with even a little practice, you’ll find that it’s really easy to start conversations and sometimes those conversations turn into friendships. There’s room in most people’s lives for more than one social grouping.
Another tip I have is to just be nice to everyone you meet. It doesn’t cost anything and maybe you’ll stumble across someone that would make a good friend. I think a better way to approach trying to find a ‘girlfriend’ is to stop trying to find a ‘girlfriend’ and just look around for friends. The bigger your social circle, the more people that will be wanting to find someone for you.
Losing the weight is also good, but you should really do it for your joints when you’re older rather than for a potential future spouse, but if that’s what motivates you, have at it.
Two things.
One. I think senoy’s posts are mostly dead on and are the way I used to interact with women. It worked for me and I’ve been happily married for 28 years. I also never had horrible breakups and problems with ex girlfriends. We remained friends. A minor nitpick would be that I wasn’t approaching women with the goal of finding a life long partner. The qualities I wanted in a partner were the same whether I just met someone or dated them. I would occasionally sleep with someone that I knew I wasn’t going to be in a long term relationship with, but they would meet at least minimal nice person parameters.
Two, and totally separate. Guidos are a real thing. I’ve lived all over the US and I have never met such a distinct class of males as the Guido. The show Jersey Shore did a nice job of showcasing the type. I grew up just south of the area and never encountered one until I actually spent time in Jersey. I found their existence and tightly confined habitat to be a wondrous and puzzling thing.
ETA. Posted before senoy’s last post which sort of talks about the friend vs “lifetime partner bit”.
I remember once I was forced to take Home Ec as one of my electives in school.
I was pissed at the time. But my feelings of anger vanished about 3 seconds after my first class started.
Eh, I’ve been burned three times by the fact everyone around here seems to be christian, and I’m atheist. (Two of my three relationships ended with the lady calling me the literal devil; I’m a little annoyed that the third didn’t complete the hat trick.) And that’s not even considering my many other peculiarities - each one of them is an overlapping circle on the venn diagram of “women who could put up with attribute X”, shrinking the small overlapping area further and further. So I don’t trust random encounters, or non-random encounters, to find me a fish in the sea that wouldn’t consider me a worm for some reason - in fact I have absolute confidence that I can and would drive any woman I might meet away, for one reason or another.
And let’s be fair: I have rejection criteria too. (No more theists!) If I allow myself rejection criteria then I can’t be critical of others for also having standards.
I am nice to everyone I meet! All none of them!
Honestly my weight is probably the least of my (many, many, many, many) problems. Actually the main reason I’m losing the weight is because I was annoyed that my previous doctor thought it was impossible to lose weight without learning to cook. I’m currently 90lbs into proving them wrong, with about 110 more to go - and then I’ll show her! (Give or take that she’ll never know.)
Full disclosure here - I whine sometimes about being single, but honestly it’s probably better this way.
To be little more on topic than my previous post.
I am a male nurse. I was already married when I started nursing, but if for some reason I was single, I think I would not have a problem with meeting eligible women. A female dominated profession could meet some of the criteria of the mythical Shangi La.
Presuming your workplace doesn’t frown on dating your coworkers, anyway.
As described, they didn’t strike me as intelligent, erudite, or really seem to have the first clue about anything, so none of these suggestions will probably help them. I don’t think my idea is any less useful.
Also, I wasn’t really aiming at them, it was just a general suggestion of where the women hang out. i.e. where men aren’t.
Generally good advice. But I have to tell you that, particularly for people under 30, there is (or at least was, when I was that age) a significant subculture of going out in packs, getting drunk and trying to get laid.
Certainly having a decent job and not being a total asshole helped in this pursuit. But it didn’t always seem necessary.
That may be true, but that’s pretty much the way some condo communities are sold/advertised where I live. These are happening singles spots with young hot professionals with lots of pool parties and entertainment. Then in reality they are generic apartment building developments plopped in the middle of a field in between a Kroger and a megachurch.
Not any of the places listed in the title, but I used to work the 2:30pm to 10pm shift at the front desk of a retirement home, so would see nurses aides come and go from there shifts. Most of they are Filipina immigrants and young and old, they all loved to flirt and be flirted with. Married or single, didn’t matter. I didn’t take it further than going out with one of them to a Christmas dinner once. All her coworkers would talk in Filipino and point and look at me. After that, the rest of the girls/women were still just as flirty, but would stop as soon as the woman I took to dinner passed by.
BTW, other than the maintenance guy, I was the only male under 70 after 6pm, so that was a big factor.
It’s not that complicated.
Buy or rent a cute puppy and take him for walks in the park (or for added panache, drive him there in a red convertible).
In his prime, riding around with me in the Miata, Bubba was an absolute babe magnet.
In fact, being willing to try something the woman you’re speaking with proposes, that you’ve never tried before, is a good way to get points. Doesn’t mean you’ve got to be willing to try “anything and everything” (or that she does, when it’s you who proposes it), but perhaps she’s proposing it out of a genuine belief that you’ll like it - if you do, it’s a new thing you like (yay!) and if you don’t, the attempt will give both of you better information about the other.
This will prevent something I found extremely befuddling in most of the American guys I dated. They insited in opening doors for me (because the Role of Gentleman said they had to) but would manage to get it completely wrong, clearly due to a complete lack of practice. Slamming the door you’ve opened for your Courted Lady on the face of the Little Old Lady Carrying Groceries who was right behind said Courted Lady will lose you points with any such Courted Lady who’s got working eyes and/or ears.
Because, you see, most Courtable Ladies know and hope that at some point they’ll be a Little Old Lady Carrying Groceries.
I actually just started holding doors open for people behind me in general, if they were close enough. I liked making them smile.
Though, in my experience the more I tried, the less I found. Every single time I found someone who liked me in that way, it was when I wasn’t actually looking. That said, when I was looking for friends, I found them pretty easily.
They could go to Surf City
where it’s two to one.
Two girls for every boy!
