Okay, so I’m sitting here, trying to nurse my umpteenth broken heart with beer, wishing I had bought some scotch instead and I’m finally at my wits end.
I’m 32 freakin’ years old, and I have the world’s hardest time getting a date. Part of it, I’ll admit, is I’m almost terminally shy, but the biggest fucking part of it is that I can rarely find a woman in this area who’s capable of rubbing two brain cells together. I’m not slamming women, but, let’s face it, this is Nashville, TN I’m talking about. If you ain’t a country boy (and as a transplanted Northerner, I ain’t), you ain’t something they’re interested in.
There’s no interesting women at work (well, there’s one but she ain’t interested in me), and the places I usually go, there’s no women I’m interested in (and if there are, they’ve got boyfriends). So:WTF DO I DO??? There has to be a place where I can meet interesting women in this area! Can’t dance and don’t like bars, so I’m looking for advice.
I realize that there’s probably only 3 Dopers on this board who’re in Nashvegas, but surely the rest of you have some suggestions of what kinds of places I should try looking. Where do those of you in the more civilized parts of the world hang out? I’m really tired of waiting a year or more to meet someone interesting.
While I realize there is a general question here, I suggest that you will probably get more and better responses in some of the other categories, such as MPSIMS or IMHO.
In answer to your question, you may well be asking it in the precice medium in which you have an opportunity to meet people you wouldn’t otherwise. I’m talking about THE INTERNET, the all provider. You might just get lucky here, or you might try some of the free matchmaking services out there. The funniest I’ve found is from the mysterious psychology majors over at http://www.thespark.com . I don’t know what they’re doing, or how close they’re watching, but having tried it for fun myself I was amazed to find myself in contact with some very interesting people in my area. Haven’t taken them up on anything yet, but it is nevertheless interesting.
Thanks Sofa. I’ve always enjoyed your postings. As for moving it, how do I go about that? Send an e-mail to the mods or just repost and hope for the best?
I’ve never tried meeting someone over the Internet, but I’ve heard mixed stories from friends of mine who had.
I usually meet girls who are friends of friends at a party or at one of the clubs or bars we frequent every weekend. Of course, we all live or work around the NYC/Boston/Philly area so there are plenty of sophisticated, single, professional (as in they are lawyers or financial analysts, not as in hookers) women.
You could try taking some evening classes (an in educational classes, not classes on how to pick up chicks). There seemed to be a lot of hot, smart chicks in my business classes. I found a lot of them to be pretty dull though. They would usually just talk about buiness stuff.
Dude, I highly reccomend the internet. I met my current girlfriend using one of the many matchmaker services out there, and it’s the best thing since sliced bread! We are even discussing wedding plans, children, and houses. So, as you can see, we couldn’t be happier. On the up side, it’s practical, you get a wide assortment of people to chose from, there’s ALWAYS someone new on there, and you don’t have to look like a pathetic loser in a bar or have your friends set you up on blind dates with some psycho. On the down side, using this method you are almost guaranteed quite a few rejections before you hit pay dirt. Try it out and stick with it for a while. Remember, the odds are in your favor!
…I have that problem, too. I’m 28 years old, so you’d figure that by now I would have learned how to talk to girls. Nope. I can talk to anyone, but if it’s someone I’m interested in, I end up looking stupid.
Hey, kellibelli…is that offer just for Tuckerfan? Because I’ve always wanted to see Canada myself…
Oh, go to college & take a class. I might be the oldest student in my sign class (the rest are women & that’s a place to find lots of young pretty women) but I still get a lot of the girls to go out with me.
Dude, I feel your pain. I lived in Nashville for a year, and that was my longest dateless spell that I’d had in a long time. Not that I didn’t date for a year, but so many people stay there after high school or college and get married young-they already have their social group set.
If you’re into the church thing already, then try that. But don’t use it just to meet women-they may well have different goals in mind than you do. A class is a good idea-something you’re really interested in, not something you take because you think women will be there.
And if you feel like coming down to Atlanta, well, we can show you a good time, to a point. Of course, many of us are transplants from other parts of the country, so meeting new people is a bit easier(but still not easy).
kellibelli Would love to move if I could find someone to pick up the tab, as I certanly can’t afford to do it. Dated a Canadian gal in the past and had pretty good luck with her, except for the fact that she was married! :eek:
Don’t do church (can’t swallow that whole God bit), definately need new friends because all of them are in the same state I’m in (relationshipwise), and I’m in school, but there’s zero women in the shop class I’m taking. (There is a cute one in the welding class, but I don’t have many opportunities to talk to her and I do take them when I get them.) Am not atheletically inclined, so that’s out, and have tried the ol’ internet dating services, but guess what? There’s about as many women from around here on those services there are on this board! (And those that are, well, let’s just say some of them have issues, and the rest aren’t my type or I’m not theirs.)
I know desperation has a stronger scent than fear, so I certainly don’t act desperate. And I know that people say there’s plenty of great women in Nashvegas, but when 99% of them you meet rank hairspray as the greatest invention of all time, there’s not much chance for an intellectual conversation.
Thanks for the advice, folks, I’ll certainly try what I can. Just wish there were some sure answers, though.
BF had some good suggestions, assuming you like athletics, church and volunteer services. The general strategy, I think, is to do what you like to do. Do you like to play bridge? Join a bridge club. Cook? Join a gourmet group or take a cooking class. Do you like wine? Join a vinophile group. Do you like to watch a particular sport? Join the local boosters club.
While you entertain yourself doing that which you like to do, you’ll also meet others who like to do the same things. Common interests give you something to talk about to get acquainted, and indicate a certain compatibility.
Church, Sparteye? Surely you jest. Those church girls are strict. #1 Rule: You have to plan to marry them just to get them to kiss you.
I also do a lot of volunteer work & the people I work with are 70+ years old. Mostly women though, so if you’re an older guy, that’s where to find some women.
Churches do have meetings for singles. I have only been to one or two & although the women are usually very pretty, remember the #1 Rule.
First, get out of the house and do stuff. Social things (like an ice hockey league, quilting bee, etc) are preferred, but it really doesn’t matter that much. Go and DO. Live life to the fullest. This is when you’re most likely to meet people. And if you go out and do fun stuff every weekend, you’ll be the sort of person people want to spend time with.
Second, be happy. You can’t just tell yourself to be happy, of course. There’s a method to it. It’s by living life to the fullest. (See above) And live life for yourself. There are a billion things in the world that are just as fun without a partner. Do them, and enjoy them. You have to be happy alone to be happy with a partner.
Third, try dating around. (But only after steps one and two) One thing women find attractive in a guy is that other women find him attractive, so dating around is good. It’s perfectly okay to have a date or two with someone you’re not that interested in. There’s no need to be shy, because it’s not someone you really want, right? If they talk about the brilliance of the invention of hairspray, just be quietly amused that they’re so vapid.
I hope this helps some. I was a shy, pathetic loser for a long time…but it all worked out well eventually.
Really, I think part of the problem is where I am. Its sort of like being someone who has no interest in gambling, but lives in Las Vegas (if you’re a gambler or someone in Gamblers Anonymous there’s lots for you). This town and 90% of this state revolve around country music and University of Tennessee football. I’m not kidding, I grew up just outside of Columbus, Ohio during the Woody Hayes era, and this state is like that with UT and country. Ever seen the movie “Heathers”? When Slater says, “Come on! This is Ohio! If you don’t have a brewski in one hand and an OSU shirt on you’re gay!” he could just as well be talking about TN.
There are, I suppose, pockets (very small) of like minded people, I’m just going to have to try to ferret them out, but damn, it gets old meeting vapid people.
Can I chime in here? I seem to be having the same problem as Tuckerfan, and I’m literally at wits end as to what to do. My short list …
Can’t meet women at work. I’m the planning director for a very small town. There’s nobody at work, considering that there’s only four of us in Town Hall. I deal with a lot of people in my activities at work (the majority being gruff male general contractor types), but there would be serious conflict-of-interest issues if I got romantically involved with the representative of a developer who is trying to get a project approved.
Can’t meet women outside of work. I call it the “Came here to X, not to meet people” syndrome. Women increasingly think of men as pests, and they’re supposedly tired of constant come-ons – my smile in their direction is seen as an unwanted advance, and most just want to be left alone. The scenarios that are thought of as ideal for meeting MOTAS are now off-limits. Coffee houses? “Came here to drink espresso and write bad poetry, not to meet people.” The supermarket? “Came here to do my grocery shopping, not to meet people.” Church? “Came here to worship, not to meet people.” Classes? “Came here to learn how to distinguish between different wine varietals, not to meet people.” You ger the idea.
Can’t meet women online. Personal ads? Seems like I don’t meet the requirements of most “peer women” (late 20s to mid-30s, working professional, college education, no kids, medium build) – they’re looking for very tall (6’ or more), high-income “alpha males,” not some middle-income guy who is attractive but not a trophy. Those that would date someone like me are either really dumb (i.e. two line ads peppered by grammatical and spelling errors that obviously aren’t typos), they’ve got a large brood of children, or … and this is going to be very un-PC, so I’m bracing myself – bah, never mind, I don’t want to get flamed for this post, so I won’t mention it.
The vast majority of women don’t even answer responses to their ads, anyhow. Why should I spend a half hour or hour wordsmithing a response to a personal ad – one that seems perfectly written according to the various “how to respond to a personal ad” essays out there – only to have it be a victim of the [Delete] key? I can imagiune the woman on the other end – “Doesn’t list his income, and he’s only 5’ 10” – trash!"
I’m also caught up in various catch-22s – “you’ll meet someone when you least expect it, when you’re not trying” versus “you’ll never meet someone if you don’t try;” “just be yourself” versus the numerous rules about being nice, not being too nice, listening versus not being boring, and so on.
Faults? I shave, I bathe, I have fresh breath, yadda – no deal breakers, from what I can see, and from what my female friends tell me. I’m allergic to cats, which wipes out about 75% of what’s already a very small dating pool.
Basically, I’m 35 years old, attractive and desirable by most standards, yet I’m completely dateless, and apparently completely clueless. I’ve said it before – it’s left me with a feeling that I’m “genderless.” I increasingly see women as unattainable – if I see a woman that at least on the surface is in my league," one that would have moved me to action a few years ago, now I don’t even bother. Why? I’m not 6’ tall, and besides, she’s at Starbucks or wherever just to drink coffee and read the paper … not to meet people.
You know, in looking over these responses it looks like roughly half of them fall into “Dude, I have the same problem!” catagory. I’m beginning to think we should form a club. It might not get us what we want (and really, getting laid isn’t the main issue here, if all I wanted was to get laid, I’d just go to one of the “massage” parlors and pay for it), but it might make us all feel better.
Hey, I resemble that remark. elmwood, you’re killing me softly with your song. Seriously, you described me in all the particulars. I’m even allergic to cats, too. For all the zilch that’s worth.
It was quite a shock when I realized that playing in a band doesn’t automatically rescue me from geekhood. Now I know how Rivers Cuomo feels.