Why is it in libraries that the lies are so elaborate? People who claim they returned books a certain date always know every tiny detail of everything that happened up till they dropped their items in the slot. If I remembered things to that detail the rest of my knowledge would leak out of my ears for lack of space.
My favorites are:
“I couldn’t have checked that out. I was in prison!” Later amended to “I went to prison and asked my family member/friend to return them but I guess they didn’t.” I have gotten this multiple times. It always begins and ends the same way.
“I KNOW I returned them. I’m very organized.” Said by the woman with a purse overflowing with receipts and assorted items, and her grubby children running wild behind her.
“I shouldn’t be charged this overdue fee because you have a sign that says movies are due in three weeks, not one week.” I asked him to show me the sign. He did. It says movies are due in one week and has been up for a decade. It’s covered in dust. He says we must have changed it.
“She’s my daughter.” Said by the 20-year-old who wanted to sign up the 12-year-old girl next to him for a card. I said, “So you were eight when you fathered her?” He said yes. He said he would bring in her birth certificate. I’m still waiting.