Siemsi, it’s not your party. You’re not paying for it. Regardless of what you are accustomed to, the host and hostess have decided this is the way they want to celebrate.
You say your husband is a director and he has to attend. I do hope you’re not going to cause a scene about the lack of alcohol and embarrass him.
Smile, have a good time, and go for a drink afterward.
Ivylass,
I don’t disagree with you. It is NOT my party…but I thought this was a rant board and I was simply ranting and whining.
I will have a good time.
Cause a scene? Are you serious? Pleeeeaahhhhhhhse.
Yeah, it’s a rant board, but that doesn’t mean people can’t rant back at you.
I know…I know…
First of all, I don’t believe skipping the party would harm your husband’s career. If it were a mandatory meeting of some kind, yes, he’d have to go. But an office party? I’ve never gone to an office party and I still have my job.
Regardless, why do you have to go? Even if I’m wrong and your husband does risk his job if he skips out, there’s no reason you should have to go; you don’t work there. Easy out.
BTW, you’ll be sure to bring your “Book of Satan”? Real mature. :rolleyes:
These people make me sick…
Okay, I’m not against anyone who prefers to live an alcoholic lifestyle…but don’t cram that fucking shit down my throat.
Background:
My husband’s boss is getting everyone together at a nice hotel for a company Christmas party (management only). The boss’ wife insist that alcoholic drinks be available at this Christmas party.
So, to compromise, the company is having their Christmas party on a Sunday and having an open bar only for ONE hour.
Mind you…last year, the boss had everyone over his house ON A SUNDAY night for a company Christmas party. Again, alcohol was served.
Now, my husband’s boss doesn’t drink. But what the fuck is wrong with his alcoholic wife!!! It angers me. I mean she is not running the company!!! Idiots!
Not to mention the fact that she is a horrible hostess. Okay, fine, serve alcohol, at least TALK with your guests.
I’m just so pissed about this!!! I mean it’s a Christmas party!! Lighten up!
Fucking alcoholic idiots I don’t think I can take anymore. For crying out loud.
I feel better now. Thanks. Looking forward to ANOTHER boring alcoholic Christmas party. Yea fun.
Thanks for letting me rant. I feel much better now.
Siemsi
Have you tried one of the many twelve-step programs available? Best of luck to you, dear.
Libertarian,
Yes. I keep trying to quit, but I just can’t. Thanks for believing in me, though.
stop teasing me:rolleyes:
Podkayne: *[…] from my point of view there are only two polite options: 1) go to the party, enjoy whatever refreshments one’s hosts offer, and thank them kindly for their hospitality, or 2) discover that one has a prior engagement that forces one to regretfully decline the invitation.
I still don’t think anything gives you the right to bitch about what your host puts on his table.*
Certainly you may not indulge in such bitching at the party or to the host or hostess; the only possible official responses are the choices (1) and (2) that you enumerated. And it’s a pretty stupid move to bitch about the party to anyone else who might tattle on you. But AFAIK there’s no etiquette rule against trash-talking any social event to a trusted un-involved confidant (whether the SDMB BBQ Pit fits that definition is, of course, another question).
Just to reiterate, the boss and his wife do NOT qualify as the “host” and “hostess” of this event; the host/ess is the organization that is throwing the party and deciding the guest list. The boss’s wife is merely a sort of fill-in or stunt double for the company in performing the parts of the hostess role that require a human being.
As such, Boss’s Wife in a worse bind than Siemsi is: On the one hand, it is not correct for her to be trying to make the host organization abide by her anti-alcohol principles in offering hospitality. On the other hand, it is not right to expect her to preside at an event that violates her principles against serving alcohol.
So I think Siemsi is quite right to bitch about this multiply-rude event. However, IMHO she’s a little confused about the appropriate target, thinking that the problem is the religious views of Boss’s Wife when in fact the underlying issue is the stupid, etiquette-ignorant practices of “business socializing” in general.
(And I must say I do appreciate the opportunity to have this civilized discussion about etiquette principles while everybody else is tossing off taunts about alcoholism and jerkishness. Another cucumber sandwich, Podkayne dear?)
Am I the only one who read this in a Bill Nye voice? Man, that was funny!
Siemsi, I think the problem is because it’s a free, “official” company do. In that case, however unfair you may think it is, you do rather have to accept what’s on offer. (I do think that the boss’s wife should keep her beak out though, it’s a shame they couldn’t keep the bar open and you pay for your own drinks.)
Last year all the managers in the area were taken out for a xmas lunch; I certainly wasn’t expecting to be served alcohol, but it was on offer, bonus! The point is, this was an official company event, it certainly wasn’t up to me what was served.
On the other hand, each store organises their own xmas bash, and pays for it. If we were told we couldn’t have alcohol at these parties I would be seriously pissed off; because it’s our choice as it’s our party.
Hmmm . . . sketchy. I wouldn’t complain about something like this unless I was mightlily offended by my host, 'cause I just think it lacks class. And also, I wouldn’t complain to anyone unless I was pretty sure they’d sympathize and agree–which would seem to be Siemsi’s major misstep. 
But it seems that someone at the company did complain, either to the boss or in such a way that it got back to the boss, which caused the switch to a one-hour bar thing. Can’t lay that as Siemsi’s feet, but it’s sort of symptomatic of the malaise hanging over this affair.
I disagree. I would point out that the boss and his wife are indeed human beings, and as they are fulfilling the hosting “role,” they qualify as “hosts.” Even if they aren’t holding the event in their home, or personally footing the bill, they are putting their time and effort into providing hospitality to their guests, for which they deserve some measure of gratitude.
I agree that she is in an unfortunate position, but I’m afraid my sympathy lies more with the her, for being told that her hospitality is inadequate, than the poor pathetic employees and their dates or spouses who will be forced to endure several desperate hours of socialization without any alcohol to . . . do . . . whatever . . . it . . . is . . .that acohol . . . is . . . supposed to do . . . for them. (As someone who prefers to socialize while sober, I confess that this remains something of a mystery for me.)
Perhaps that is so. I submit, though, that perhaps the fault lies not in business socializing, but rather informal business socializing, where you’re supposed to pretend that you’re there voluntarily, for the fun of it, rather than a more formal social gathering with business associates where everyone knows they are to be on their best behavior, not drink to excess (or not drink at all) and, most definitely not to “let your hair down.”
Oh, how darling! Why, thank you, Kimstu. May I freshen your tea?
Puh-leeze. The party, held in the manner it would have theoretically been held in (sans alcohol), would not be a party one would want to attend if one were ou rOP or presumably the OP’s husband. However, because it is a business party, work culture dictates it would be impolite not to show up. Thus, they should be thankful that they are expected to show up to a party they wouldn’t otherwise attend? Howzat?
Uh…
Generally xmas company parties are thrown by management FOR the employees. They are generally a reward/acknowledgement for the work done in the past year. As such I feel that they should take into account the general social norms of the employees, not the management.
If someone told me, “Hey Fornit, we’re throwing you a party, but we’re gonna purposely do things we know you won’t like!”, I’d feel quite let down.
That being said there are several legit. reasons why alcohol is not served at company functions: cost, liability, previous abuse. If you’re certain that the reason is due to the wife’s religious beliefs then you could always have your husband attempt the following:
if there’s a prayer said then I’d claim that having a Christian prayer for a company meeting makes you feel put out. Make claims of a hostile work environment unless you too get to say a group prayer of your own. make one up…
Claim that you’re very fundamentalist Christian and any reference to Pagan tree worship, magic flying reindeer, jolly old elves is an affront to your beliefs
go drinking with Opal
erl, if a person you don’t particularly like does something that on your behalf that you didn’t really want done, without bothering to expend much time, effort, or money, you can say something along the lines of, “Thank you! It was so kind of you to think of me,” or you can be ungrateful and, therefore, according to the rules of etiquette as I understand them, rude.
Kimstu and I are not debating what you want to do, or what the majority of people would do, or what it’s logical to do, we’re debating the polite thing to do.
I do not believe that it is ever polite to complain about a party that you have been invited to because it’s not your idea of the funnest time. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m saying it’s impolite.
I recall from other conversations that you have little use for the rules of etiquette, so I don’t expect this to hold any water with you, so it’s probably best to let it drop, don’t you think?
What a load of silliness in this thread. It really isn’t that complicated.
Siemsi’s husband has a work-related Christmas party. Like many people, Siemsi would enjoy this party more if alcohol were served. However, due to the wishes of the bosses’s wife, alcohol will be served for only one hour that night. This is particularly aggravating to Siemsi because:
Let’s get this straight:
Sheesh.
I think the wife actually is not a company employee.
Wow, what a lot of nonsense. I’ve never before seen so many people jump on one person for such a banal idea.
What makes all this even more surreal is that I know that some of the jumpers are experienced Company People. Dudes! You know what these Christmas parties are like! Lots of awkward standing around in your own time with little practical real-world choice as to whether you attend or not. The fact that, as in this case, partners are often dragged along too makes the equation that much more unfair.
But the flipside of this bizarre concept in morale-building is that generally speaking some attempt is made to make the whole thing fun in the only way possible in the circumstances - plying everyone with drink. The resultant loss of inhibitions is the one thing that prevents the whole grizzly mess imploding. To deny the drink is thus not only unfair on the employees, but doubly unfair on their spouses!
Just to reiterate here - the company needs to do a serious cost-benefit analysis of just why they’re putting this party on in the first place. It is supposed to be about keeping your employees happy so they don’t run off to other companies. If all you manage to do is actually piss said employees off… well. That ain’t exactly money well spent, is it?
And the fact that it is the morals of the bosses wife rather than the boss himself just makes the whole thing that much more of a joke. THe bosses wife gets to spend the company’s money in a way that achieves the diametric opposite effect of that intended? Give me a break.
Some serious chill-out needs to transpire here. Especially amongst those that haven’t actually had to trudge along to at least 4* of these “parties” every year for the last x years and as such have no fucking clue what they are talking about.
pan
*unofficial one, official one, partner’s unofficial one, partner’s official one
This woman is against alcohol and will not serve it; nothing could ever force me to serve alcohol either. Your dependece on alcohol for fun is YOUR problem, not hers, it’s not a necessity. Fuck the norm. In some cirlces, cocaine at parties is the norm. How ridiculous would it sound if I complained that the bosses wife said “no cocaine”?
You really are a brat, aren’t you?