Things businesses think are great customer service that aren't

In My Humble Opinion
61

That’s the old school way of counting change and what I learned when I worked at my first job without cash registers. The problem is the way the new-fangled fancy cash registers give the change readout. The cashiers naturally work from right to left so they grab the bills first and the change last.

One thing my customers always appreciated when I worked retail is that I made an effort not to give them the crappy bills. If I got a really crappy one, I stuck it at the bottom of the till and gave the customer the crisper one. (also, when I counted the drawer, I made sure that the crappier bills went to the bank) I had customers thank me for that.

Oh, and the greeting you as you enter the store thing? Yeah, some of it is customer service driven but the main reason for it is for loss prevention. You want the customer to know you’ve seen them enter the store. This deters shop lifters who always want to slip in and out without being noticed. I’m actually anoyed if no one acknowledges my presense (can just be something simple like "how’s it goin’?) because I know the clerks are slacking…

62

That’s to prevent ashes from flying out and landing on someone or on the table or in the food, when it is picked up.

63

Ooh, ooh, I have a funny story where a combination of these things really backfired.

I was travelling on business with a male co-worker (as implied by my username, I am in fact female). When we ate one evening, I decided to pay the check for both of us since it was going on the expense report anyway.

They handed the check to my colleague, rather than putting it on the table between us. OK, no problem, many wait-staff are (or were) trained that the Man is always the one who takes care of stuff like this for the Little Woman.

When the waitron left (Sorry, OtakuLoki but in a minute you’ll see why this is appropriate usage here) I picked it up, glanced at it, got out my credit card and put it, with the check, on the table edge, about halfway between my colleague and myself.

A minute or so later, Waitron came back, grabbed the check and credit card. A few minutes after that, he returned with the form for me to fill in/sign.

And handed it to my male co-worker. OK, so I guess Waitron didn’t look at the name. No problem.

Then said “There you are, Mr. Zappa”.

Oooooookay. I guess Waitron looked at the card after all. But failed to notice that the card read “DistinctivelyFemaleFirstName Zappa”. :rolleyes:

My co-worker and I split a gut as soon as the Waitron was out of hearing distance. And ever since, I’ve called him “DFFN”. :smiley:
</hijack>

64

I hate mailed-out fliers, circulars and advertisements with a passion. I get more real-life junk mail than I do spam. I’m not going to run to the store just because I can get a dollar off toilet paper.

65

Customer Service Hotlines that a) hide away the “Speak-to-a-human-being” option, b) don’t have a “Speak-to-a-human-being” option, c) promote some crappy new “service” before they get to the options menu, d) when you get through to a human being, said human is programmed to tell you their name, the fact that they’re pleased you have called and also that they would be very pleased to help you if you have an enquiry, e) said androids interrupt you before you get to the end of your telephone number, so you have to start over and give it again…at which point they will interrupt again with the first 4 digits just as you are giving them…then when you start again with those digits, they think you’re givign the next 4 digits…

66

When I would call a tech support for our payroll system, I would always get asked, at least once, “Would it be all right to ask you some questions to better help you?”
No, don’t ask me any questions - you should know what is wrong just by listening to my aggravated breathing.

67

I was wondering how you could communicate “time to pack up the plumbing fixtures” with just eye contact.

68

It’s not the workaday shleps I wish to lampoon here. Lord knows, I’ve been one often enough.

It’s the boneheaded employers who force them to do stupid things in the name of customer service, apparently not realizing they are just annoying us.

69

Mama Zappa, when you’re using the term to be deliberately, and deservedly, deriding, I have no problem with it. :wink:

I just didn’t think it was a connotatively neutral term.

70

Y’know, whenever I’ve answered that question honestly, I’ve gotten a blank stare as a answer. Are the cashiers expected to do anything with this information (report to management at the end of the day that x amount of customers did not find everything, for example) or is it a completely for appearances?

The last restaurant I went to, apparently while they are showing you to your seat, they are required to prattle off all the specials. You’re asked afterwards if they did. Well, while you’re following someone through a maze of diners, you are certainly not truly paying attention to the details of this or that special, and it’s difficult to hear someone who is leading you (and therefore walking sideways to be heard at all, which is distracting in itself.)

71

Bravo

Waitron = Mindless robot used to carry food.
Waiter/waitress/waitperson/waitstaff = Professional food serving individual(s)

72

Or the web sites that purposely hide the “Cancel this service” option. Do they honestly think that I’ll just give up and continue paying the $14.99 a month, or whatever?

The one new trend that brings out the curmudgeon in me, though, is the helpful precalcuated tip on the restaraunt bill, one for 15% and one for 20%. I can do this math myself, thanks. This way, it looks more like an obligation than a tip.

73

The reason Breast Guy employees ask you constantly if you need any help in DVDs is that they are trying to prevent you from stealing anything. If they do not do so, they can and will be fired.

I was threatened with termination after my name didn’t show up on the sheet one has to sign every time one does a walkthrough of media. I had to explain, slowly and painstakingly, that I was not scheduled to work at any time when customers were present (I worked early morning stock shift that ended as the store opened) and therefore could not be to “prevent shrink”. It took several minutes to get this through to the higher ups.

Bad customer service usually comes from bad management forcing underlings to go to extreme lengths to “please the customer” when the customer just wants to be left alone, yet not have to go to too much trouble to find someone when they do have a question.

74

Doesn’t work. I just slip one down my pants and stroll out smugly, looking only slightly more tumescent than usual.

75

Well, that’s where it gets sticky because it’s entirely a cultural thing.

In Chicago (and probably elsewhere, but it’s the Chicago area I know best) many people of African descent WANT the touching - they are offended if you don’t touch them. Koreans, and some other Asians, sometimes do this thing where they click coins against the register or counter or, even more rarely, do a sort of flip-toss that leaves the coins clatter to a stand-still on the counter - I think it’s the sound of the money somehow being associated with wealth or luck. This can get ugly with a newly arrived Korean serving black people, with the black people perceiving the “lucky coin toss” as throwing the money at them in avoidance of touching them, which… well, like I said, it can get ugly. A number of years ago the city was trying to get those cultural differences out there so folks would have more understanding, and at least in the neighborhood I lived in at the time there were a couple Koreans who developed a “toss-and-bounce, catch the coin and put it in their hands” approach that seemed to satisfy both camps.

Orthodox Jews and convservative Muslims both forbid social contact between the genders, so if it’s a male/female split between cashier and customer touching could be extremely offensive, but it’s OK male/male or female/female. And those are just the circumstances I remember off the top of my head.

So, knowing this, I’m more tolerant of black cashiers doing the touching thing, because the odds are high they doing it to prevent offense in their minds and hey, tolerating things to some extent is part of modern life in a diverse culture. A really good, experienced cashier can clue off body language or clothing in some cases, but it’s inevitable you’re going to guess wrong sometimes.

Then there’s the whole left hand dirty/right hand clean thing with Hindus, which drives the local newstand guys and me batty. I’m sorry, but I’m left-handed and it can be awkward for me to fish money out of my bag with my right. I try to remember but >sigh< I don’t always. They take my money anyway - no doubt that “tolerance in a diverse scoiety” thing - but the reception seems warmer if I use my right.

76

Thanks for the insight, Broomstick. I am aware that different people have different likes and dislikes for as many reasons as there are people. All this time I thought I was conveying goodwill, but I can now see how many folks may not take it as such. :smack:

77

Same-day scheduling: My physician’s office thinks this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. You call at 8:00 and get an appointment for that day. Unless they’re already full. Then you try again the next day.

Which I suppose is fine for stay-at-home-moms with sick kids, but for adult male social workers with schedules to keep, it’s easier to schedule an appointment a few days in advance so you can clear your work schedule.

78

With all these rants about grocery store cashiers, this is exactly why I use the self-checking computerized lines at Giant. I wait in line for perhaps 60 seconds at the most, scan all my stuff, pay, bag my stuff, and leave. Older people usually prefer the old-fashioned human cashiers, and that’s just fine with me. I’m a very friendly person, but I hate carrying on in a phony social interaction. The cashier/waiter/customer service rep doesn’t really care how I am today, and both of us know it.

Cashier: And how are you today?
Me: Well, my wife left me, my dog died, my car was stolen, and my 14-year-old daughter is pregnant. On top of it all, I was just castrated by a midget with rusty garden shears.
Cashier: I see. Did you find everything you need today?

That said, I cannot for the life of me understand why cashiers always want to give you a bag for one item. This especially goes for when I buy a gallon of milk or a case of soda (which has its own handle and is even more difficult to carry in a bag) or something small like a candy bar. Why waste the plastic? I always tell them not to bag it, so they end up shoving the bag in the garbage can by their feet! What, you can’t save that bag for the next person? It’s been tainted now? Sheesh.*

Also annoying: on top of everyone’s gripe about having to give your personal information to a customer service rep over the phone 8 times, please don’t ask, “Can I call you Adam?” For some reason, this grates my nerves. It wastes time. If customer service managers worry that calling the customer by their first name is unprofessional or too personal, don’t do it. But don’t ask. You know nobody is going to say no. Just call me Adam and let’s get on with our business, okay?

A lot of people have ranted about upsizing. This is not customer service and was never meant to be. It’s an effort to make more money, plain and simple. Studies by people who study these things have shown that something like 50% (I don’t remember the real number, but it was something fairly high) of people will not refuse if an upsizing is offered to them.

Adam

*For the record, now I don’t bother to ask them not to bag it – I take the bag home and stick it in my kitchen drawer so it’ll at least get used for something. But now that just tells merchants that people want single items bagged. You just can’t win. :frowning:

79

I was at Foley’s the other day and I paid cash for my purchase, and as she’s handing me my change, the saleslady says, “And what is your name?”

I stared at her for a second, wondering why on earth she would ask or care, and then said, “Audrey Levins…?”

“Thank you, Ms. Levins! You have a great afternoon!”

Now that’s just stupid. I can see why Foley’s would think that if you get someone’s name off a credit card, you should thank them by name; I don’t particularly like it but I can see the motivation behind it.

But to ask for my name? Just to thank me by name? Like somehow we’re brand-new buddies? I JUST WANT TO BUY A FREAKIN’ PURSE.

80

Forgot to add…servers who think they’re being either chivalrous or thoughtful by assuming that The Man Is Going To Pay The Bill.

I was a server myself; I ALWAYS put the check in the middle of the table unless someone asked for it specifically. There’s no way to know who’s going to pick up that tab; why run the risk of offending anyone?

And yet when Mr. Levins and I go out to dinner, I’ve had servers (only male servers, oddly enough) communicate solely with Mr. Levins and never even make eye contact with me, even when I’m speaking. And even if I’m the one who pays the bill, and hands the book to the server, I’ve had waiters come back and thank Mr. Levins.

Dude. Get a clue. Women have wallets; wish you had a brain.