Just back from a Thanksgiving holiday jaunt through Lost Time, News, Bearings, Fiber, Hydration, And, Oh Yeah, “Hourly Pay”.
In no particular order:
Bring an air freshener and, space permitting, several gallons of water.
Oahu’s traffic density has increased to ridiculous levels (I think we may actually be worse than Los Angeles now), but thanks to all the natural greenery and frequent rainfall, pollution has never become a major problem. No such luck in Vegas, where there is a mild but definitely unpleasant smell that’s nearly everywhere. Worse, this atmosphere makes normally mildly unpleasant odors unbearably foul…I swear I could smell a taxi’s exhaust from a service ramp 20 feet down. And the water is all chlorinated, and whatever health benefits this may have, it makes it positively disgusting. No wonder the regulars drink so much here, it’s the only thing that tastes good!
Slot machines are complicated now.
Remember the good old days when you fed in a large bill, pressed a button to spin the reels and, assuming you weren’t cleaned out, got change back in coins? What, that wasn’t the good old days? Well, it is now, since nearly all the machines do not have coins at all. What you do is stick in a card (or a bill if you wanna be retro and all), select anywhere from 1 to 60 payout lines, then decide how much you’re going to plunk on them. Oh yeah, five reels, three rows, all payouts start from the far left reel, and there are “wild” spaces that can count as anything. Even better if you can get free spins. But not nearly as helpful as the bonus stage where you touch various items for rewards. Hey, you want quick and painless, there’s always video keno.
Slot machines don’t play fair, even when they make a token effort to convince you otherwise.
Here are the values on the Wheel of Fortune slot machine wheel: 1000, 40, 100, 50, 200, 20, 400, 25, 100, 75, 60, 30, 500, 50, 100, 40, 250, 75, 125, 30, 150, 25. I don’t think 100 comes up 3 out of every 22 hundred spins. See, what the machine does is preselect a value, spin 'er up, then activate a brake so it lands on the correct number. Of course, the low values are going to be favored. Enormously. Overwhelmingly. (30 and 40 are the most common, followed by 50 and 25.) And let’s not forget the one with the “diamond bars” which shift symbols to the pay line…which’d be great if the manufacturer didn’t adjust the payouts downward as the price for this little service.
There is no such thing as “due”.
At the place I stayed, the California, I witnessed TWO maxed-out progressive jackpots, one at $9,999.00 and another at $99,999.90. They were still like that when I left. Sometimes, it just ain’t happenin’. And when the subject is winning money from a casino, replace “sometimes” with “the vast majority of the time”.
Except for eating a lot and losing money, nothing is simple.
Get a great deal downtown? If you want to visit anywhere along the Strip, you’ll need to get in your car and find an open parking space. Want to catch a show at a non-gouging price? Find a place with good deals, and don’t take too long, or else the time you want may be sold out. Thirsty? Hope you had some sense to bring a water bottle, or else you’re shelling out 2 bucks. Oh, hope you remembered to break in those sandals, else your feet are going to be chafing like crazy after two days. Oh yeah, don’t make a wrong turn; it could be a long time before you’re back on the right track. Did I mention how incredibly easy it is to get lost? Plan ahead and always have a contingency plan, or else there will be problems.
Come for the entertainment, because there sure as hell isn’t any other reason.
Seriously. Aside from the casinos and a few shops, there’s nothing. It’s a dinky little town with a massive, expensive playground in one of the neighborhoods. There isn’t a signle other point of interest; no big library, no big sports arena, no political organizations, no major movie or television studio, no big mall. (Okay, there might be something, but you’re unlikely to find it.) On the way between the airport and the California, I didn’t see one pedestrian. An amazingly empty place.
Don’t worry about global politics or major events…it’s not like you’ll find out anyway.
One of the truly amazing things about Vegas is the sheer unchangingness (I say it’s a legit word!) of it all. Every morning, afternoon, and evening, it’s the same slot machines, the same blackjack, craps, and roulette tables, the same clubs, and of course the same foul air and water. There are like two or three clocks in every hotel/casino. The vast majority of TVs show nothing but sports, and never news, not even local. And of course, the live shows are the same every time. It’s as if the whole place is in a perpetual time loop…until a new act begins or a new slot machine is released, then time jumps ahead before settling into a new loop.
And finally…
Cirque Du Soleil actually built a show around Beatles music and made it entertaining. That alone pretty much cinches its “one of the coolest things on the planet” status. 
