Things I do not want to see/Things I do want to see

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This was inspired by George Carlin’s “People I can do without” routine.

Things I Do Not Want to See

Marlon Brando jumping on a trampoline.

Senator Ted Kennedy wearing nothing except a cowboy hat and those Cool Hand Luke sunglasses.

A Spice Girl playing Ophelia.

Hugh Rodham’s refrigerator.

A Cable TV channel advertising re-runs of the 2000 Presidential Election.

Bill Gates’ plumming system.

Rush Limbaugh’s home life.

A webcam of Bill Clinton’s office.

A light aircraft towing a sign saying “Michael Ellis is a virgin”. The whole world does not need to know this, thank you.

A flying Great White Shark.

Michael Jackson’s surgical leftovers.

An unlocked train car with the words “Danger: Republican-Hunting Tigers Aboard”.

A neon sign on my doorway reading “Get it here”.

Dick Gephardt brushing his teeth.
Things I do want to see

Phil Hartmann announcing he faked his own death.

A telegram from Washington, D.C. telling me I’ve one a World War 2 vintage oil tanker.

John McCain becoming president.

My unfinished movie script becoming a summer blockbuster.

The world 1000 years from now.

A moritorium on saying Bush stole the Presidency. (I don’t care if it’s true or not, shut up about it already!)

A hole in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to drain off the smog from the Central Valley into Nevada.

My post counter reading ‘1000’.

[Edited by Eutychus55 on 08-05-2001 at 08:18 PM]

2

Aw nuts.

Hey, can someone fix the vB code?

3

Alright. Things I want to see. These are pretty personal so please only attack me personally - the issues are too big for me.

  1. Cliff Richard (my wife saw the guy flow in the spirit while in the audience at another concert) singing in tongues… on television, if possible…

  2. The monarchy reinvents itself with a remarkable honesty and candour. Prince William turns out to be a master of the one-liner. Harry takes a job as a cop, neither marries, and they present the Queen’s Speech regularly, in shades, as “The Brothers”.

  3. The Falklands invade the US, sans weapons. Too many people protest to allow the army to intervene, so the islanders eventually besiege and infiltrate the White House, hold the President hostage at sheep-point, and have themselves declared the titular Leaders of the Free World. After which they retire to their islands and leave everyone else to carry on. They only wanted the acknowledgement.

There must be more…

4

Things I want to see:

  1. A politician who actually has vision, drive, talent, and dreams beyond his/her re-election and satisfying those funding his/her campaign (who runs for, and wins, presidential office).

  2. More women, white women in particular, with bodies like George Wendt, Drew Carey, Jim Belushi, Uncle Kracker, Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies), Steve Harwell (Smashmouth), etc. being accepted in the news/entertainment media for their talents as their male counterparts are.

  3. OJ Simpson found guilty in his criminal case.

  4. A machine that will paint my house for me. Ugh.

And other stuff.

5

ugh. I just turned on the TV.

Things I Do Want To See: Lucy Liu

Things I Do Not Want To See: HBO’s Sex And The City

sadly tonight to get the silver lining, I have to endure the cloud.
Oddly enough she was on Futurama tonight too; no complaints from me there :slight_smile:

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Things I Want To See
Jesse Helms found dead from autoerotic asphyxiation, wearing a housedress with a picture of N’Sync clutched in his hand

Russell Crowe shagging Wes Bentley in my bed, and they invite me to join in

A Federal ban on any more albums by Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, and all boy bands

Phish reunited

Frank Zappa, Jerry Garcia, and Phil Hartman all faked their deaths

George MacDonald Fraser writing another Flashman novel

Roger Waters rejoins Pink Floyd, and together they release a double album

Jerry Falwell undergoing gravitational collapse into a black hole

The Supreme Court making a public apology to America for subverting democracy and foisting 4 years of diaster on us

Undiscovered manuscripts by P.G. Wodehouse and Graham Greene

Things I Don’t Want To See
Any more movies with Chris Tucker

Dogs wearing sweaters

Old people fucking

Overweight guys mocking women’s bodies

Athletes thanking Jesus for winning a ball game

Middle Eastern creation mythology taught in schools

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Things I Do Not Want to See:

  1. Huge flying pterodactyls coming straight towards my head. That would not be very cool at all I think.

  2. Barbra Streisand and Lars Ulrich doing a cover of “Feelings.”

Things I Do Want to See:

  1. John Lennon appearing on the TV news saying, “Ha ha, you just THOUGHT I was dead. Did you think a bullet could stop something bigger than Jesus?”

  2. Any more pictures of Britney Spears. She’s used up 14:59:59 of her 15 minutes of fame IMO.

8

I wish I could have seen Shogun Haircut falling off Aidan’s van today. I would have died laughing.

I wish I could see Catalyst dyeing his hair purple again. Cuz he’s doing it right this minute.

And most of all, I want to see ARose. dreamy sigh

[sup][sub]Ok, I’m done, sorry. floats away on Cloud 9[/sub][sup]

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Things I do not want to see.

  1. South Park’s Miss Choksonick nekkid again

  2. Katherine Harris on TV again

  3. A Bearded, Fat Al Gore (hold hope, I saw that this morning!)

  4. Finding out Jesse Jackson had another love child, but his “Rainbow Coalition” gives him a standing appluase when he walks into church.

  5. President Hillary Clinton.

Things I Do want to see

1.That Vulcan chick on * Enterprise * nekkid

  1. The Crater Lake Nat’l Park.

  2. Gas @ $1.10 per gallon

  3. The Day I’m a crowned Lord Protector of North America.

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Hey now Searching, how is it that I always stumble on those posts days later, eh? falls on knees Why, God, why?

~ARose

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Jeri Ryan naked/Jerry Falwell naked
Bob Dylan singing “Amazing Grace”/Bob Costas singing
Denny Dent painting a portrait/ a portrait of a dented Denny’s

wishfully,
Spritle

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Michael Ellis *
**This was inspired by George Carlin’s “People I can do without” routine.

[Things I do want to see
A hole in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to drain off the smog from the Central Valley into Nevada.**

Nah, that’s not such a good idea. I moved here to get away from California’s smog.

Things I NEVER want to see:

A Full House cast reunion or feature-length movie
The Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Guide to Sex and Dating
Yet ANOTHER Law & Order series (geez, isn’t two enough??)
Any participant in “Fear Factor” running for public office
Things I want to see:

Baseball banning the Designated Hitter
Basketball refs calling travelling like it says in the rule book
A TV network broadcasting an entire night of dead air in the interest of good taste
Microsoft admitting that Windows was really a computer virus that got out of hand
Apple producing a product that people actually buy
A judge taking the plaintiff’s lawyer of a frivolous lawsuit back to his chambers and hitting him over the head with the gavel

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Things I’d like to see:

Someone doing follow-up with politicians on their campaign promises, their pledges, etc, and how that jibes with the truth and with their actions once in office. I’d like politicians to really have to answer questions about such things after they get in office. I don’t think it would necessarily change the way politicans behave while campaigning, but perhaps it would change voter’s tendency to be swayed by the rhetoric and B.S.

I’d also like to see more in-depth and objective analysis of legislative bills and votes.

My dissertation committee saying “Congratulations, Dr. Cranky.” Shortly followed by the burning of about 278 pounds of notebooks and useless papers from grad school.

An extra zero (or two) on the left side of the decimal point when our IRS rebate comes.

Al Sharpton in prison
Things I don’t want to see:

My butt getting any bigger

My son’s face on a wanted poster

My name in a pit thread title

Another error message from my business objects queries today

An announcement that diet soda is a lot worse for you than anyone ever suspected

My bank statement at the end of this month

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Things I want to see / Things I don’t want to see

A metro line down Ave. du Parc / A tramway line down Ave. du Parc
A pic of Stockwell Day getting fucked by his 16-year-old houseboy in Frank magazine / A pic of Stockwell Day getting fucked by his 16-year-old houseboy in Playgirl magazine
An NDP government in Ottawa / An NPD government in Berlin
Britney Spears dying / Britney Spears dying to release another album
Car-free cities / Free car cities
Gorgeous boys and their fag hags / Gorgeous boys and their girlfriends
The pope’s outfits / The pope
Drag queens / The Queen in drag
Prince William on our money / Prince Charles on our money

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Want/Don’t Want

To see a few dopers who live way far away/to be seen naked by same dopers
To have more money/to owe more money
To see “Bishop Phelps dead after picketing disaster”/To see “Bishop Phelps recognized by Pope for good works”
To find more good oldies/to endure more 90s/21st century crap.
To stop being afraid of certain names/To see those names more often than I already do
To see the head of my old grade school step down after admitting all the mistakes he made/To see the head of my old grade school

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I Do Not Want To See:

  1. Any more Woody Allen movies. Ever.

  2. Bad roads with potholes.

  3. Giant yellow jackets taking over the world.

  4. An airborne strain of Ebola.

  5. One more doggoned tribute to Katharine Graham.
    ** I Do Want To See:**

  6. McDonald’s dumpsters built without those pesky fences around them that prevent you from getting at all of the goodies inside.

  7. More Dollar Stores.

  8. Talking cats.

  9. Food replicators like they have on “Star Trek”.

  10. Pantyhose that never run.