Things I learned from watching TV cop shows

I don’t think the issue is whether it’s permissible if I’m a suspect, it’s how important it is in my life. I didn’t realize until watching TV shows that the brutal murder of a close acquaintance or colleague is something that I really should not be too concerned with. As a witness, why should I dedicate more than a couple of minutes to helping the police with their questions when I have to go and pick up my dry cleaning before the shop closes?

When tracking down a suspect at his place of work don’t bother trying to do it discretely. Best way is to ask their supervisor to point them out and call their name from across the factory floor. That way they get a good head start when they start to flee and you can have fun chasing them.

The thing to notice about NCIS is that most of the crimes are attempted and successful murders of NCIS members.

A secret only experienced cops know is that houses and apartments have doors and windows that a suspect can leave through when you knock on their front door and shout “Police! Open up!”. The younger cops have to run through the place, crawl through a window, chase the suspect down the fire escape, where his older more experienced partner trips the guy when he gets off the ladder and cuffs him without a problem. Private detectives and bounty hunters all know this secret also, but for some reason it’s not covered at the academy.

Now where would be the fun in that? :wink:

Also regarding the academy no further training is required after having left the centre in the entirety of an officers career. Well maybe some firearms practice but that’s about it.

When using a speedgun pointing it in the vague direction of a car is close enough.

You don’t have to pay attention on stake-outs, in fact it’s the best time to get into a heated and distracted argument with your colleague.

But most of all the thing I’ve learned from TV cop shows is that orders are optional and doing things by the book is for losers.

In New York, coffee only comes in tiny 4 oz paper cups with a Greek motif around the rim.

There seems to be some truth to that.

But if I’m pulling an all-nighter on a stakeout, I’m gonna need more than the two gulps of coffee one of those things hold.

It comes in 8- or 10-ounce sizes, according to the product page.

That’s the one

I learned that there’s no such things as an ambulance. When someone is hurt, you call for a “bus”.

If there are a lot of people to transport, and you want an actual bus, I have no idea what to ask for.

In addition to more coffee, that something is going to be Chinese takeout in one of those clamshell containers.

Forensics laboratories are normally staffed by young, good looking people, that really don’t have anything to do otherwise than jump on your priority case right now!

[In the Lab]
Need fingerprints from a homicide weapon? I’ll get a match for you by COB. . .

Need DNA sequencing from a cigarrette butt? It’ll be an overnight job, but I’ll get on it as soon as I get these prints sent to Quantico. . .

Need blood typing on a swab? Oh, um sure, just uh. . . [shoves murder weapon and cigarette butt to side of desk] leave it here and I’ll get to it in the morning.

Need chromatography on an ink sample to compare it to a ransom note? Um, we’re sort of swamped, but I can try to get it started tomor. . . Oh, the ransomer says they’re gonna kill the hostage in 4 hours? Leave it here and I’ll see what I can get started with. . . .

Need DNA analysis on a PCB board from a disrupted IED to match genetics to that database? Yeah, um, I’ll get to it. . . Oh, there’s multiple IEDs ticking down throughout Gotham City? ::sigh::

Need me to appear in court as Prosecution’s expert witness tomorrow on that murder weapon? But I haven’t even started developing those prints for Quantico . . .

Commissioner’s calling for an update on that ransom note? Tell him to wait . .
[/in the Lab]

The above never happens. The young twenty-somethings have it covered, and will have scientifically accurate, 250-page reports by the morrning.

TrIpler
Gotham is so gonna burn down.

I take it you’ve either had your prostate removed or you’ve got a voluminous bladder taped to your leg. Or both. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

If you’re running along a wall, and someone tries to shoot you with an automatic weapon, if you run fast enough they will always hit the wall right behind you. They won’t be able to swing the barrel fast enough to hit you. Likewise, if you’re clinging to the roof of a van, if you time it right when you can roll to the side, the bad guys’ll shoot up through the roof and put holes where you just were. And don’t worry about them just slamming on the brakes, like in a rational world.

Any criminal or victim who falls to his or her death will land squarely in the middle of the roof of a parked car and will activate its alarm.

. . . and the body will look near-pristine, and decidedly not like chunky salsa.

Tripler
. . . and the head will always be intact.

If the guy leading the investigation has “a hunch,” it will invariably turn out to be correct. There is nothing surer than “a hunch” on TV.

Evelyn McHale AKA ‘The most beautiful suicide’.

Huh . . . I stand corrected!