Things I learned from watching TV cop shows

[steepone]

If you’re a cop suffering job related PTSD don’t worry, A quick five minute chat with a counselor will completely fix it

[Asuka]

If a cop ever walks into a bar with a pool table to question somebody, inevitably a patron of said bar will try to throw the cop onto the pool table only for the cop to counter and throw THAT guy into the pool table collapsing it.

[pkbites]

@Northern_Piper

@iamatractorboy

On your last day before retirement, lock yourself in your house and do not, repeat do not, go to work.

Thread-winner!

When I decide to actually retire for good I am going to get some MD to diagnose me with advanced staged mopery and use up every minute of my sick leave accrual on FMLA.

[Broomstick]

@Odesio

I’m always amazed on that show when they interview some random civilian and tell them they’re NCIS. I don’t know if I ever saw an episode where someone said, “Who the hell are you guys?” I realize most episodes are in towns with a strong navy/marine presence, but everybody knows who they are?

During the first season of NCIS they did get a lot of “N C what?” after saying their name.

[Elmer_J.Fudd]

Although metal trash cans went extinct circa 1980, they can spontaneously materialize during any modern police chase.

[terentii]

… But first he’ll threaten the cop with a cue stick that gets broken in two.

[terentii]

They were asked “Is that like CSI?” at least once.

(The answer was “Only if you’re dyslexic.”)

[Little_Nemo]

@pkbites

If you don’t feel good, have a funeral to attend, or just need some rest you are totally screwed.
Cops do not get paid sick or vacation days, comp time, bereavement time, nor personal days.

“Sure, Captain, I had to break a few departmental rules. But it had nothing to do with taking down Mendoza. My daughter’s birthday is next week and having you take my badge and suspend me is the only way I could get the day off.”

[Stanislaus]

@DrDeth

Yep. this one pisses me off. Goes against all training, which even I , a mostly desk guy, had to take. Call it in. Now, sure if there is screaming or gunshots you maybe can’t wait, but otherwise- wait.

I see you were mostly a desk guy. When you weren’t being a desk guy, did you ever dive sideways through the air firing a gun in each hand?

[iamatractorboy]

Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone ‘Argh’?

[Riemann]

So I guess you can learn some things from TV.

@glee

If you work in SVU, it’s fine to:

• threaten and beat up suspects

Sounds about right.

@Moriarty

There may come a time when you have to turn in your badge. But don’t let that get you down…

The part that TV gets wrong is that you will be immediately rehired in the next town over.

[bump]

@Saint_Cad

Whenever questioned by police, never ever under any circumstances

• Leave if free to do so
• Invoke your right to remain silent
• Ask for an attorney

@Riemann

If you’re at work and two cops show up to discuss the fact that your friend or colleague was found horribly murdered, on no account stop what you’re doing. Just continue loading your van / stacking chairs / polishing glasses while you talk to them.

But be sure to be dismissive or belligerent when they’re talking to you/questioning you, because you can’t be bothered to take that time out of your day to talk to the cops, who are inconveniencing you.

Also, if you and your partner are entering a dank, poorly lit building and there’s a serial killer/wounded terrorist/suspect of any kind on the loose, make SURE to split up and go different ways, especially if your radios aren’t working.

[Riemann]

Police officers may revoke due process (and notably diplomatic immunity) if the villain is sufficiently villainous.

[flurb]

Every police officer is assigned a partner, regardless of their specific duties or how thinly stretched the department is. Much like penguins, these partnerships are exclusive and last for life. The Chief will ensure that the officers so partnered are as incompatible as possible.

[Lare]

@bump

But be sure to be dismissive or belligerent when they’re talking to you/questioning you, because you can’t be bothered to take that time out of your day to talk to the cops, who are inconveniencing you.

Also, while being questioned it’s up to you to decide when to terminate the interview by saying you have more important things to do. I’ve learned this from the UK show “Midsomer Murders,” so it may not apply in other than that county.

[DrDeth]

@DWMarch

Similarly, NCIS agents can get involved in any situation involving espionage and any situation where someone has even slightly brushed up against the US Navy in any way whatsoever. Did you take your dog for a walk past Pearl Harbor? Did your dog pee on the bushes there? That makes NCIS the lead investigators! Are you wearing a Navy blue shirt? NCIS will handle this one! Did you step in a puddle from rainwater that originated anywhere near the Pacific Ocean? That’s NCIS jurisdiction right there!

The most recent NCIS Hawaii exhibited this, with them investigating a murder in a jewelry store. Sure one of them got the call, but then they would have turned it over to 5-0.

Then later Lucy, goes wandering thru a creepy empty building (for no good reason, since it wasn’t a Navy case) all by herself and of course gets ambushed. Then I turned it off.

@steepone

If you’re a cop suffering job related PTSD don’t worry, A quick five minute chat with a counselor will completely fix it

Except that the cop will fight like Hell to not take any counseling.

@Stanislaus

I see you were mostly a desk guy. When you weren’t being a desk guy, did you ever dive sideways through the air firing a gun in each hand?

I did not carry a gun as part of my duties. I investigated civil violations of Title 31 and the Patriot act, I regulated & investigated Money Service Businesses. I more or less still do as a Consultant.

@flurb

Every police officer is assigned a partner, regardless of their specific duties or how thinly stretched the department is. Much like penguins, these partnerships are exclusive and last for life. The Chief will ensure that the officers so partnered are as incompatible as possible.

And you will be part of a Team that is like your second family. Nope. People get transferred, promoted etc. You do not really bond like that. maybe have lunch together, perhaps an after hour beer and wings thing, etc. You do not risk your career or a prison terms for your fellow workers.

[Riemann]

@steepone

If you’re a cop suffering job related PTSD don’t worry, A quick five minute chat with a counselor will completely fix it

@DrDeth

Except that the cop will fight like Hell to not take any counseling.

What I have learned is something slightly different. The cop will always fight like hell to not take any counseling, resist and deprecate the counselor, but always eventually (usually next episode and several mandatory counseling sessions later) gain insight and realize that the counselor was right and they needed help.

[Saint_Cad]

@Lare

Also, while being questioned it’s up to you to decide when to terminate the interview by saying you have more important things to do.

In the US this is absolutely permissible.

[Asuka]

Even if a suspect is with his lawyer, the cops are free to badger the suspect the entire time while the lawyer toothlessly says MY CLIENT HAS NO MORE INFORMATION FOR YOU until said suspect cracks and admits everything.

[flurb]

And attorneys apparently encourage these interviews, even though they can be of no possible benefit to their client.