Things not to go through airport security with

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Let’s see, first there was the small (4") statue of a wizard holding up a crystal ball. Airport security stopped me and asked me what it was on the screen. Then they had me open my backpack and take it out of the package. Then two weeks later the woman I bought it for dumped me.

I didn’t really have any problems with my stepfather in my backpack when I went downunder, but I did have to declare him to Australian customs when I got to Sydney. My travel agent said it would be better to do that than to maybe have my pack checked and the ashes found.

But when I took them into the new Parliament House in Canberra, security made me empty the entire backpack. Apparently the ashes showed up as a solid block and the coil of wire I had in there too made them kind of suspicious.

42

I was once stopped going through customs in Totonto heading for Alberta to do some camping with a friend. When passing my duffel through the x-ray machine, the tent poles and a mess kit lined up just right, looking just like a Gatling gun. That took some time to explain.

43

After hearing all the stories about getting stopped and searched for various items I thought I’d share with you mine.

I got stopped for not having enough stuff

I guess I was about 20-21. Flying with my mom from NYC to Tel Aviv on El Al. You want an air carrier that takes its security seriously? Try them. (I admit…they have reason).

Anyway, we blow through regular security at JFK no worries. Then we get to the secret underground security section for El Al. Mom goes through the questioning no worries. Me? I get questioned by this sweet young girl. She checks my bag (1 medium sized overnight bag for a 6 day trip). She stops to make a call. I get shunted to a supervisor (who’s STILL very nice). I get asked the same 25 questions about plans/bags/etc. I get shunted to ANOTHER guy (no longer nice and intimidating as hell). Yet ANOTHER set of 25 questions (I started counting at this point). They take apart my bag. (No kidding. When I say take apart I mean TAKE APART) They unfold all the clothes. They riff through the books. They squeeze out some toothpaste and stick a pointer into my shampoo.

Later I’m told it’s because I wasn’t carrying enough clothing/baggage for my stated travel time.

Teach me to figure dirty BVDs were good enough for the Holy Land.

So let that be a lesson kids…don’t antagonize Israeli security. They’ll take you where you’ve never been!

44

I worked for an international oil field services company for a number of years, and one of the ways of supplying spare parts and equipment to well sites in third world countries was to send them as checked baggage with the relief crews. Thus I was often given all sorts of odd objects to carry, but except for customs officials occasionally trying to augment their income by confiscating ‘banned’ articles, I usually had no trouble.

‘Banned’ articles, especially in West Africa, seemed to mainly include items such as small cameras, consumer electronics, CD’s/cassette tapes and interesting magazines (we were actually advised to carry Playboy and Hustler mags to Angola so that the customs guys would seize them and leave the spares alone).

I recall one time I was given a large metal trunk by the Luanda office to take back to Paris. I noticed it was pretty light, but didn’t think too much of it till I got to Orly. I was stopped for a luggage check, and when I opened the trunk for the official, it was completely empty except for one small circuit board rattling around in a corner. Got a quizzical look from the official, but was waved through.

OTOH, one of my colleagues, who was traveling with me from Paris to Tunis, was given a sealed package by the office that he stashed in his soft backpack, which he then checked with his other luggage. When we arrived at the well site, he took out the package and opened it, to find that it contained a five-liter glass jug of hydrochloric acid!

Then there was the time that a small jar of ammonia broke open on a flight to Cairo, but hey, we’re out of space, folks…

45

Jonathan Chance – Oh yes ! Exactly the same story coming out of Tel Aviv. What I found interesting is the way your story really has to make complete sense to everyone. If just one thing you say doesn’t fit a conventional pattern of behaviour then off you go to the next level of security. They have to be able to fit you into a defined group. My problem was not being able to get a direct flight home so the fact that I needed to transfer at Paris set their alarm bells ringing.

In the end, they had me in a curtained cubicle stripped down to my underwear. Every seam of clothing was examined. At least when I eventually boarded the flight I felt safer than I have on any other airline.

Nothing unusual in the baggage that time.

46

I have to admit I’d probably prefer my sheepskin lined restraints… less likely to leave odd bruises. :stuck_out_tongue:
Back on-topic, I got stopped once because of a calculator in my purse, apparently the machine caught the flat side and they wanted to make sure it wasn’t hiding anything. Had a time figuring out what she was looking for though, cause it was in a side pocket.
Then there’s Gatwick airport. I’ve been to England twice in the last two years, and both times I got frisked at the gate for my departure flight. It was obviously me the last time, they wouldn’t have frisked Mom at all if I hadn’t called out to her as they were pulling me aside. Makes me wonder if there’s a short blonde, green-eyed female terrorist out there some where.

47

First story: I was flying back home from Munich a few years ago. It was a sunny morning, and I had a window seat. I figured I’d take my Minolta on board and get some nice aerial shots. Apparently, Herr Security Guard did not like this. “MACHEN SIE PICTURE! MACHEN SIE PICTURE!” he screamed at me. OK. So I point the camera at him and say “Smile!”. “NEIN! NEIN!” as he furiously waves at me to point my “camera” away from him. Guess he just wanted to hear it click, and he let me on. So if you ever disguise a bomb or other weapon in a camera, make sure it still clicks.

Second story: I spent a summer out in San Diego. I went on a field trip with a jar, and found what I was after: a nice brown tarantula. I kept him at the house in an old aquarium for two months. I was kind of attached to Fred (see? I even named him), so I figured I’d take him home. I put him in one of those little white bakery boxes with the red string around it, planning on just stashing him under my seat. I got some interesting looks when the box went through the x-ray. 2 days later, Fred was dead. Guess he got a little radiation poisoning. I suppose it’s better than waking up to some Japanese horror movie with a 6 foot tarantula standing on your bed.

48

I got asked what was in my inside jacket pocket as I was leaving Bombay’s airport.
I reached inside a little too rapidly I guess since a lot of gun barrels suddenly appeared and the customs officer suddenly dissapeared.

I’ll be a bit more careful next time I threaten anybody with a travel chess set next time.

49

Here is a twist on this thread. I used to work Airport Security in a small west Texas airport when I was in college. First off, some of the FAA regulations are really strict, and make no sense. And since the FAA sends people through airports all the time to check security, that is why the Security guys are pretty strict. Here are some of the things that I found.

-Antique Flintlock dueling Pistol. I thought it was pretty cool (being a gun nut), But I had to make the sweet old lady check her carry-on. She was taking it to Dallas to have it appraised

-Smith And Wesson chiefs special .38 Caliber revolver. I was cool about it and made the lady return it to her car. It was an honest mistake, but if I had reported it, I would have won $200.

-Compressed CO2 cylenders. Compressed gas is a No-no on airlines. These were built into emergency life vests. Just like the ones under the seats of the airplane

-A huge mess of (and by huge I mean 10 or so) hand cuffs and leg irons. Guy was a Bounty Hunter.

-Dildo- It looked really weird on X-ray

-All sorts of Pepper spray and mace.

-Lead Crystal Bowl. That showed up as a huge black mass on the X-Ray. It was gift wrapped. But since I knew that this was one of the things that the FAA uses to test Security personel, I had to make the guy unwrap it. I felt like a total ass.

Now, for my mess up. I was going to San Antonio to pick my sister up from the Airport there. Since I have done the Job, I thought I knew what to expect. I left the pocket knife in the car, no steel toe boots,etc… Well, I am also licensed in the State of Texas to carry a concealed weapon. I unholstered the hogleg and locked it securely in a strongbox in the car. Did you know that some the snaps and steel lining in some holsters will set off the alarms in the metal detector? Whoops. Took a long time to get that one straigtened out. I ended up just waiting on the unsecured side of the checkpoint. Once again, I felt like an ass.

50

Things that have gotten my carry-on luggage opened up:
[ul][li]Travel iron (heavy, large, and very metallic).[/li][li]A bottle of Mexican vanilla (looks opaque on the scanners; the security women thought it was odd, too).[/li][li]A printed circuit board (luckily not hooked to anything).[/ul][/li]Things that I’ve carried on with nary a peep of complaint from security:
[ul][li]Diesel DI fuel injector (roughly 10 inches long, 1-1/2 diameter, heavy steel bullet-shaped contraption).[/li][li]A half-dozen explosive squibs (little canisters filled with gunpowder, having wires dangling from the end). I’m almost positive (although I didn’t realize it at the time) that these are a BIG BIG no-no. I wouldn’t try it again.[/li][li]A lab-made prototype piezoelectric actuator (obviously harmless if you know what it is, but fabricated from metallized parts with dangling wires and blobs of glue).[/ul][/li]And finally, an odd story:

I had to take an emergency fix-it business trip to Key West. Since it was only for a day or two, I packed a carry-on half-full of clothes and half-full of tools, including (but not limited to) a hammer, pipe wrench, socket set, screwdrivers, punches, and specialty assembly tools. My flight was Detroit-Miami-Key West. I got no comment in Detroit on my carry-on.

When I headed back, though, the Key West security would NOT allow me to carry my bag on; I had to check it. My pipe wrench was deadly, evidently.

What was weird about this was that the Key West-Miami flight was on a puddle jumper with no in-cabin storage, so ALL bags, even carry-ons, had to be stored in the baggage compartment. So, in Miami, I just waited on the runway, retrieved my bag as if it were a carry-on, and proceeded through Miami security with my bag. The guys in Miami had no problem with it. Go figure.

51

I was in San Francisco preparing to fly to Medford, Oregon. The scanner the guard used sounded, so they asked me to remove all the metal from my person. I did so, including removing my partials! I bet they wished they hadn’t asked me to do that…:smiley:

52

Comming back to the States, at Gatwick, after a week and a half in England. All our camera gear in one carry on bag. To save space, we didn’t bring any lens bags, we used the heavy wool socks we had been wearing. The dirty, smelly wool socks. So of course, the very nice customs lady has to take all the lens out, un-wrap them and peer through them, then wrap them up again. She didn’t look like she was enjoying her job.

53

They won’t let you go on if you have a zuchini wrapped in tin foil down the front of your pants either.

54

…I know someone who was. A guy in the office went on a business trip and brought his bags in. He had “something suspicious” that had to be unwrapped in the carryon.

Did you know the detector can’t see thru aluminum foil wrapped around a dildo? How did that get there?

55

A friend had a 6" knife in his backpack that he used for our Medieval/Renaissance re-enactment society. Why he carried it around mundanely I’ll never know. They didn’t give him too hard a time, though. (Something similar happened to me when I was stopped for speeding after coming home from an event, and my license was in my wallet, which was in my pouch, which was hanging from my belt, which was in the trunk with my kilt, which also had my own knife from it. When I explained it was purely to agument the costume, he let it slide.)

I was forced to throw away my can of mace in the guard’s presence.

But dammit, I’ve never been strip-searched! :wink:

Esprix

56

I directed a High School production of Twelve Angry Men. For purposes of the play, I needed two identical, unusual-looking switchblades.

I got them. Never mind how (since they are illegal in the US), that is another story.

Anyhow, the show went off without a hitch. We were invited to a competition and performed a scene from the play. Once they were done, I took the knives back immediately; I didn’t think it was a good idea to let my students show them off the the other 100’s of students there. Of course, the knives were blunted, but still…

Anyhow, skip ahead 3 months - I fly home (from NY to KC) for the holidays. I am flying back and the security guard in KC decides the make my carry-on bag the example. She does that chemical-wipe test for explosives, then asks me to empty it. I begin to act indignant, upset, “I’m late for my flight!”, etc…

She finishes up, then the guy at the X-Ray says he wants to run in through again. And again. And again. I am really upset now - making quite a scene. He has emptied everything out of my bag (folders, student papers, essays, tests, magazines, etc) and made a mess of it, yet he keeps on flipping the empty bag over and over, peering at it and thrusting his hands into the pockets.

I finally ask him what he is looking for and he says, “I see the shadow of a pocket knife.”

I think, “Oh, the switchblade made an impression in the leather - that must be what he sees!” and volunteer to show him. I open the zipper pocket deeeeep inside (you know, the one I chose to put the knife in to keep it away from my students!) and… see where I am going?

I pull the fully open, wicked looking switch-blade out of the bag. “Heh,” I say. “You’re not going to believe this!”

They did not think it was funny.

57

I got searched in London Heathrow. It was mostly my fault- it was at the end of the trip, and I was in full blown zombie mode and didn’t realize just how much change I had in my pocket.

One thing that got through at Miami, however, was a replica of a Celtic dagger. I’m relieved about that- I don’t think that my trip chaperone would have been amused.

58

My college bowl team had to fly to Baltimore for a tournament once. We were taking along our own buzzer system so we’d get a discount on our entry fee. One of the guys decided that it would just be easier to take it through as carry-on, since the electronics housing and carrying case are cleverly disguised as a briefcase.

At security in St. Louis, we were running a little late, and we were really peeved that the guards made us stop, open the buzzer, plug it in and show them what it did. It wasn’t until we were on the plane that we realized that we were carrying a briefcase filled with wires that had rows of red and green lights on the front. The lights were right underneath the sticker proclaiming the system’s brand name: “THE JUDGE”.

I like to think that we would be more subtle than that if we were actual terrorists. :rolleyes:

59

Not at an airport, but security none the less.
I had just picked up my graphite pool cue from the repair shop where it was being re-tipped. Because I am frighteningly stupid, I decided that this would be an ideal time to get an application for the Honors Internship with the FBI. I was also wearing a joke shirt that said “ATF AGENT” in big, white letters on the back.
Picture if you will, a person with an ATF t-shirt and a suspicious-looking suitcase, with a long, solid, dissassembled object inside, trying to get through the security in an FBI field office.

  1. Are you with the ATF?
    Me:No, its just a shirt. (on further consideration, life might have been easier if I said yes).
  2. What’s in the case? Is that a rifle?
    Me:No, its a pool cue. (I might have said this a little sarcastically)
  3. I hate you f@#&ing ATF guys, you’re all a bunch of cocky pricks. That’s obviously a rifle. Lets see your ID.
    Me:I’m serious here…I’m not with the ATF, and that’s a pool cue. (opens case) See?
  4. (assembles, dissassembled, assembles, dissassembles, attempts to find a safety on, attempts to cock pool cue) Oh…and you’re not with the ATF?
    Me:No.
  5. So what’s with the shirt? (calls upstairs, more security personnel arive. All attempt to find someway to load or fire my pool cue.)
    Me:Its just a shirt. That’s all.
  6. Ok, well I guess you can go. But the pool cue has to stay down here. (attempts to load/fire pool cue once again)
60

so how long have you been in the SCA anyways? Waiting for the opportunity to explain a full plate armor harness and assorted blunt objects of destruction… this should be fun…