I have to be swiped with the handheld metal detector every time I go to the county courthouse.
Steel-toed workboots.
When I worked airport security, back around 83 or so, we were ordered not to say anything if we found drugs. The official explanation was that law enforcement could be watching the person, and we could blow it. We were only there to look for weapons.
Haveing worked security at DFW, at the time the number one aiport in the country for finding guns, I can add all sorts of things not to bring onboard.
Handguns, I found two seperate people who “forgot” they were in their bag…one person wnated to just go put it in their car, the other offered to let us dispose of it, he as afraid he was going to miss his flight. Imagine the look on his face when the DPS officer started reading him his rights. (I don’t think either one got charged, but they usually hold them for a couple of hours, and put a good scare into them.
On another shift, someone found an UZI, and 4 magazines. They tried to run it through the xray.
My favorite was the guy who checked as bagadge an antique dynamite box full of antique tools. Whereever he got on the plane had let him check it, but when they switched planes at DFW, the baggage handlers freaked. The bomb squad took it and xrayed it, and course with all the tools it just showed up black. that guy didn’t get out of the airport for 12 hours.
I had guy try to bring a throwing star on board. I told him he couldnt, and kept trying to tell me it just a stapler I was seeing on the XRAY. I finaly turned the monitor around and pointed to the perfect picture on a throwing star on the screen. He took it back out to his car(we could let them do that with throwing stars).
A freind, you understand, was doing what you do when you visit Amsterdam, i.e. buying lots of pot and making full use of it. Unfortunatly he got so stoned that he fell over on a canal (were else) bank and broke his jaw. Off he went to A&E and got it wired up and full of pain killers (legal) got put on a plane back to London with his luggage which was helpfully packed by friends.
It was only after he had been back in London for a week that he found out that his friends had also helpfully packed his stash and put it with him on an international flight.
partials???
Rock Hammer.
With a “prospector’s pick” on one end. The airport security at Little Rock (AR) just loved that one. Held it up for all to see, gathered around it in awe, and declared it a “weapon” (I really do think that they were just bored; whilst waiting for my flight, I watched them continuously practice searching and scanning each other). I had to convince them of my profession (as if the rocks in my bag weren’t enough) before they’d allow me to at least go back and check my carry-on.
Not having to lug around my rock-filled carry-on during the brief layover at DFW (in the words of Kinky Friedman, whether you’re going to heaven or hell, you’ve got to change planes at DFW) en route to Midland was kinda nice, tho…
A co-worker went to Japan while in the US Navy some years ago. We fixed medical equipment – he was there to look at a hospital x-ray machine. He carried his toolbox, as it was full of expensive, necessary tools that he didn’t want to lose track of. He knew this would require the toolbox to be searched – some of the stuff is supposed to have odd densities under x-rays!
One of our most frequently used parts was a neon lamp – it was part of the on-off circuit, and the x-ray machine wouldn’t turn on if the lamp failed. We all carried one of these in our toolbox. The neon lamp was filled with xenon gas, and was slightly radioactive. There was a small purple and yellow radioactivity sticker on the package.
Japan customs absolutely freaked when they saw this sticker. The whole toolbox, and Steve, were quarantined for hours while they decided whether to let him in the country or not. Steve got to know some customs inspectors in a far too intimate manner, IYKWIM, and had several geiger counter scans. For some reason, Japan is sensitive about American military personnel carrying radioactive materials.
They finally let him in, but not the lamp. The lamp was required to be picked up by a registered carrier, and returned to the US. We got it back in the shop like 6 months later. The bill for this $8 lamp to go from Japan to the US was several thousand dollars.
Pantellerite, that was Little Rock where they confiscated my utility knife blades. I was dropping off my husband while he was working in Canada after a visit to my parents. His gate was the one right by scanner. I actually asked the security guy if he would hold my purse while I kissed hubby goodbye and then we wouldn’t have to worry about this, but he wouldn’t.
Anyway, I got a chuckle out of your description of the security staff. 
Sorry, I should have been more clear about this…these were partial dentures I was wearing; I’ve lost several teeth…
Za’atar.
Za’atar is a Middle Eastern herb kind of like oregano. I bought some shortly before leaving Israel. When I reached L.A., the customs people asked if I had any agricultural products. Like an idiot, I said, well, yeah, I have this herb. So the guy looks through my luggage searching for this bag of herbs. It took about half an hour just to find it (I had been in Israel for eleven months, and I had a LOT of stuff). Fortunately, the customs guy had been in the military and had served in the Middle East and knew za’atar when he saw it, so he sniffed it and decided that I could bring it into the U.S.
That was a great journey. When I flew from L.A. to Oakland a couple days later, I was randomly selected by United to be searched. Another half hour of my life wasted.
Oh, and when I flew from Milan to Tel Aviv, I again stupidly told the truth when they asked if our bags had been left unattended since we packed them. Yeah, we’d left our bags in the hostel for a while when we went for a walk. This gave the El Al agents an opening to question my friends and me about why where we going to Israel, and where we Jewish and what were we going to do for Purim (which was in a couple days) and all sorts of other intrusive questions that El Al and Israeli security is known for. And one of my friends was an Israeli citizen travelling with an Israeli passport!
I’m pleased to see that my assesment of the Little Rock Keystone Airport Cops might be accurate, rather than the thoughts of a pissed-off, carry-on-less passenger. My gate was also right by the scanner where I got to watch them continuously practice scanning and searching each other. Swear to god. Damn Little Rock!
Well, you can tunnel your way out of prison with one, given about 20 years. 
Having just completed my 30th flight (I know that’s few to some of you, but it’s a milestone to me, who hadn’t been on a commercial plane until 1993), I feel I must share my stories.
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Last Christmas we bought a metal magazine rack for my SIL, and packed it in the checked baggage because it wouldn’t fit in any carry-on we had. It didn’t make it into Canada. Air Canada, bless their twisted hearts, delivered the bag to us the next day after searching it and repacking it very carefully.
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My parents tried to bring reindeer sausage into Canada. They’d bought it in Norway(?), and mom wouldn’t let dad open it during their trip because she didn’t want a half-eaten sausage in her carry-on on the flight. Of course Canada customs confiscated it. They should have known better; they’d flown enough times to know that you can’t bring meat into North America. So dad never got to eat Rudolph.
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My husband bought a travel bag from the LA County Coroner’s Office, with the chalk outline logo on the side and the coroner’s logo on the end. It gets searched more than any other bag we have.
And lastly, I once had this same conversation with a woman I’d just met, and she told me that the officials at Heathrow had made her assemble and play her flute for them, to prove it really was a flute. It wasn’t enough for them that it was hollow.
At the Sault Ste Marie (Ontario) airport, I had to turn my cellphone on and demonstrate that it did in fact power up. Don’t know what I would have done if they’d asked me to make a call, because the phone was GSM-only, and there was no GSM service in the Soo at the time. This was for a domestic flight to Toronto, too. I’ve never been asked about it on any international flights.
However, security in the Amsterdam airport did ask me to show my coiled bike-lock cable and lock. They must have had an interesting silhouette…
Iwas one of these sorry airport security guards in the late 80’s
We’d take metal knitting needles, but leave your pens and pencils alone.
Don’t bring dildo’s and vibrators with you either.
What about plastic knitting needles? I hate knitting with them, but given the choice I’d rather knit than not.
Obviously, crochet hooks must not be dangerous - I’ve taken them everywhere with me.
Back in the early seventies, when I was about 4 years old, my Dad went away to Arizona on a business trip. He promised to bring me back fancy, pearl handled cap guns. (You can see where this is going, right?). I saw my Dad coming off the plane. In the middle of Newark airport, I ran to him screaming, “Daddy, did you bring the guns? Can I see the guns?” It was many years before I understood why my Dad dropped his bag, threw his hands in the air and yelled, “Cap guns, fellas, cap guns!”
To this day, my parents bring that up at every opportunity.