Things Skippy is not allowed to do onboard the Galactica

Inspired by the original 213 things Skippy is not allowed to do list and the TWOP Battlestar Galactica themed offshoot thread, I figured we could put together our own version

The basic structure is that it takes place onboard the Battlestar Galactica, but rules can come from anywhere and anyverse

I’ll start the list in the next post;

Boomer/Athena’s ass is not shiny
*nor is it metal
Therefore, I should refrain from biting it…
*even if she invited me to
…*alright, told me to
…no, it was not a valid order and I could disobey it
…I am not permitted to bite any humanform Cylon’s ass
……or any bullethead’s (the Colonial dental plan would not cover the damage anyway)
…or any Hybrid’s…
Or any of the command staff’s
The biting of anyone’s ass, metal, shiny or otherwise is forbidden
…I am forbidden from shining anyone’s/anything’s ass in preparation of biting it

Bullethead Cylons do not have brains the size of planets
…nor do they have terrible pains in all the diodes down their left sides
…or their right sides
…or any sides

I am not an authorized Cylon service tech and forbidden from dismantling (any more) bulletheads, there are no user-serviceable parts inside, and it makes them get all stroppy anyway

The Bullethead’s battle cry is not “EX-TER-MI-NATE”
…nor is it “DELETE!”
…or “Resistance is Futile”
…the Bulletheads have no battle cry
…and I am forbidden from giving them one
…even if they like it

I am not “the last of the Time Lords”
I am not “The Oncoming Storm”
No one is interested in seeing my Sonic Screwdriver
…especially not my “Sonic SCREWdriver”
I cannot regenerate in order to avoid my assigned duty shift
…or when I’m injured
My quarters are NOT bigger on the inside
My Viper is not a TARDIS
…therefore I should remove the sound system that plays the “vworp-vworp” sound during launch procedures
…I should also refrain from playing the theme to Doctor Who on my loudspeakers while my Viper is traveling down the launch tube
Galifrey is NOT the fabled Fourteenth Colony
…nor is it the fifteenth
.…or sixteenth
…. There are only Thirteen Colonies, no more, no less

I will not call Adm. Adama “The Master”
…nor will I use that title for Cmdr. Tigh
…or President Rosalyn
…even if they secretly like it
…I will definitely avoid mentioning to them that The Master is my enemy
Besides, I think they would not approve anyway

The pub does not know how to make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster
…and I should not show them how to
…not even if Starbuck wants me to
…not even if Tigh orders me to

My Viper cannot make the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs
…yes I know a parsec is a unit of distance, not time