Alton Brown doesn’t know shit about guacamole. Yeah, I said it!
Mashed potatoes. Boil potatoes, mush them up with milk, butter and salt to desired flavor/consistency. Done. I add a little horseradish sauce to mine and fresh chives when they’re growing in the backyard but that doesn’t add any extra time to it.
I always enjoyed watching Good Eats, but Alton’s recipes strike me as kind of bland
Exactly. My guac, which is widely acclaimed, kicks it up a little bit. I also add Valentina hot sauce, salt, onion powder, garlic powder, diced tomatoes and a squeeze of fresh lime. During the summer I also add a touch of fresh chopped cilantro.
OMG, pre-cut melon! I forgot about that.
It’s probably for the people who don’t have avocado trees in their backyard. 
I see ads on television for services that will make your very own page on facebook for you.
What Sattua said.
Curtains are to sewing as chocolate-chip cookies are to baking. You really don’t need more than a bare minimum of skill and experience to succeed just fine.
Oh, and:
Bottled water. 1 bottle + source of clean tap water = bottled water - $$$.
(bolding mine)
You forgot the previously mentioned sewing machine, for which I have no room.
I have a similar issue with orange juice, but I make my own lemonade because you really only need the juice one or two lemons depending on how much you want.
Since I only cook for me, I usually have bread left over at the end of the week, so when I buy new bread, I always make croutons out of the old bread. I can season them with whatever catches my fancy and have a nice variety with the different types of bread I buy.
What Sattua said.
And I hear Dewey Finn may not have a sewing machine either. That’s okay. Some people don’t have a food processor, so they can’t make Biggirl’s tahini. Some people don’t have an oven, so they can’t make Miss Woodhouse’s chocolate chip cookies. Some people don’t have a blender, so they can’t make Iggy’s pico de gallo or teela brown’s hot sauce. Life is full of deprivations.
BUT I NONETHELESS MAINTAIN that if you have access to a sewing machine and even the most minimal knowledge of how to use it, it is quite easy to make curtains rather than buy them.
Sheesh. Would somebody without an oven kindly go pick on Miss Woodhouse for a change? I understand she also expects you to be able to cream butter and sugar. Somebody needs to tell her how unreasonable that is. 
And I think the point those other posters were trying to make is that sewing machine ownership and usage is probably pretty minimal these days — even lower than whatever you think it is. That’s certainly my opinion.
Ice cream. You can get an ice cream maker for around twenty dollars. The ingredients are simple things like heavy cream and sugar and basic flavorings. You need rock salt but you can buy a huge bag of that at any hardware store. The only ingredient that’s any effort is you need a good-sized bunch of ice cubes.
And home-made ice cream is great. It’ll ruin you for store bought ice cream.
OH YEAH RIGHT, Little Nemo CAN JUST TAKE IT FOR GRANTED THAT YOU’LL GO OUT AND BUY YOURSELF AN ICE CREAM MAKER BUT WHEN I SUGGEST OBTAINING EVEN TEMPORARY ACCESS TO A SEWING MACHINE IT GIVES EVERYONE THE VAPORS. :mad: Like it was TriPolar’s router and tablesaw or something. Sheesh.
[mutter mutter mutter stomp you always liked TriPolar best anyway. misogyny othering of traditionally female-gendered skillsets phooey.]
Depends on what your tap water tastes like. And my aunt has hard water that smells and tastes like sulfar. No thanks.
You mean I can get a decent sewing machine for $20? Well, if that’s the case, hook me up!
[sniff]
Nobody loves me.
You don’t even need those. About 90% of the ice cream makers sold these days are the freezer-bowl type, no salt or ice necessary. I think the ones that take rock salt and ice are probably rarer than unicorns or sewing machines in 2016.
Mean. All you people are MEAN. :mad:
Those tubs of pre-made Jello (gelatin).