Things that are said about everyplace

There’s no “there” there.

“We have the most fast food restaurants and heart surgeons, per capita.”

“Marijuana is our state’s number one cash crop.”

“Why did they make (Neighboring State)? So we’d have something to look down on.”

“It used to be so much better, before all those (Yankees/Californians/foreigners) moved here.”

If you don’t like it, leave!

Downtown is getting better / No one used to go downtown after dark

Ha! After 9/11, one of our teachers was explaining how the proximity of the river to a local manufacturing concern (or something else equally inane) made our podunk little city a prime target for the next terrorist attack.

It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity [that makes hot weather so unbearable].

From what I’ve been able to gather, every single place in the US is unbearably humid, except for the coastline and Arizona.

[Fill-in-the-Blank] University had to cancel its Christmas pageant because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Bumpy roads, tale me home, to the place I belong,
Pennsylvania, land of potholes, take me home.

Is there anyplace that isn’t the “pothole capital of <larger area>?”

This bugs me to no end. I hear it from the mountains to the plains and relatively speaking half the time they’re just plain wrong.

Where - all together now - it’s a DRY heat.

(city name) drivers are insane!

Or the Canadian variant: “It’s a DRY cold.”

And their library is slowly sinking because the architect didn’t account for the weight of the books.

"In our dialect if someone says ‘jeet jet’ " it means “did you eat yet?”. If they answer “no, jew?” It means “no, did you?” "

“I’m not late, I’m on [ethnicity] time.”

Ah yes, I well remember this as a brag point in Champaign-Urbana. “Our university’s so good, they’ll nuke us for sure! We’re way up on the list!”

In our town, we don’t pronounce it [TOWN NAME SPOKEN DISTINCTLY]. We pronounce it [TOWN NAME SLURRED A BIT]. That’s how you can tell that someone is from around here!

Well these things are true, right? It is humid in most states, but it’s dry out west. That’s different than the claims of somehow every place having the worst drivers anywhere, or whatever. These two are my favorites because I may have heard this about literally every burg I’ve set foot in.

I also hear the most diverse population claim from every shithole in America. Shut up, you stupid townies. Nobody cares about your made up statistics. “Did you know that this town has the most bars [or racial diversity, or whatever] of any place in the universe?” No, I didn’t, because that’s not true. Find some other fun fact about your town to bore me with.

I’ve found the coasts to be the most consistently humid places in the US. But I’ll agree that misplaced complaints about high humidity are nearly ubiquitous. Many people in Dallas and Oklahoma of all places have whined to me about their hometowns’ oppressive humidity.

It’s the Tree City!