I know! It’s huge news! I, personally, would never have imagined that Michigan experiences drops in temperature, frost, snow, icy winds, and all those other “winter”-type actions, especially having lived here all my life.
But golly! It sure seems that every single GODDAMNED FUCKING WINTER… the temperature DROPS! It gets cold! Heavens to Betsey! And sometimes… sometimes… :voice drops to whisper: [sub]it even SNOWS![/sub]
I know! Crazy stuff, huh? Well, according to the damned local news stations, it is!
“That’s right, it sure is COLD outside! Temperatures are in the teens today!” … “Wow, it sure is cold out there!”
Gee, really? It’s not like it gets even colder than that EVERY GODDAMNED WINTER! I swear to God, my area had a whopping 3" of snow a few weeks ago, and you would’ve thought we were snowed in to the rooftops! There were warnings and exclamations and just overall amazement. On the local news, it never snows. This few inches was a miraculous event. It’s not like it snows here EVERY GODDAMNED WINTER!
WHERE do these people live? Miami? Is the local news actually broadcast from a tropical location which has never seen snow or temps below 50°? The weather they express absolute amazement at isn’t even extreme; it’s absolutely normal for Michigan winters! It’s normal for it to snow, it’s normal for roads to ice over, it’s normal for temps to get cold (and I’m sorry, but 5° isn’t even all that cold! They act like they’ve been banished to Siberia with only speedos to wear!). And they repeat all of this every SINGLE day!
: deep breath :
You godforsaken gonorrhea-stricken waste of sperm! If I have to hear moronic “Golly, but it’s cold outside!” ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I am gonna interrupt your broadcasts to rip out your large intestines with a rusty crowbar and use them to strangle each and every one of you!
Maybe, after all the years of providing for people with short-attention spans, eager for news to be served up in bite-sized forgettable chunks, they’ve become such folk themselves?
Yes, it snows here every winter. But, we’ve had some mild ones lately. yeah, a couple of years ago, we had that nasty blizzard. But it hasn’t really been too bitterly cold here in December in a while. The cold & snow we’ve been getting is more like February weather, not December weather.
So while cold & snow in December in Michigan is indeed quite normal, it just hasn’t been like this for a little while.
And technically, it’s not winter yet. First day of winter is the 21st.
Even I haven’t been too inconvenienced. And I just moved here from California. That’s right, wimpy California Kyla is doing just fine, despite my coworkers’ ominous laughter and dire predictions.
Fortunately, I don’t have a TV, so I can’t get annoyed at the retarded newspeople.
I remember this from living in Chesterfield Township, always hearing about the AWFUL, TERRIBLE two inches of snow that we got. Now I live in Kalamazoo, at WMU, and guess what? The weather people out here EXPECT snow, and know exactly where lake-effect is going to take it. It’s great, Hodak, Gadica and whats-his-name from UPN could take a lesson about weather patterns form the people out here.
I adore snow, I adore winter. If I could live in the same area as I do now and somehow transplant weather patterns and climates here, that would be heaven. I love having at least a foot of snow, and my body prefers temperatures between -20 and +60.
And don’t ever diss the pasty! Those portable pockets of goodness are heaven, I tell you. I love my momma’s pasties (EW, not those! ;)), with homemade dough and everything.
Yup, that’s glorious Local News for you. Gotta panic somebody into tuning in by hyping a non-event. Weather non-stories are always good fodder.
This happens all over. When I lived in the Houston area, the advertising teasers and the regular local news weather segments always went into overdrive about tropical storms and hurricanes that were a zillion miles away, or obviously headed somewhere else. But you can get apparently get viewers by promoing “Category I Hurricane Churning Towards Gulf! Could It Be Coming Our Way???”.
Which is why I almost never watch local news, and try to get my weather online.
The only problem with that is when I forget and go to weather.com, home of Chief Forecast Dingbat, Buzz Bernard. Buzz’s specialty is Cute Cute Cute wordplays on the weather. He’s so colorful you want to fwow up.
There was a radio funny guy sidekick in Detroit a few years ago, the voice of “Dick The Bruiser” (real name George something or other, I forget it with a brain fart). Anyway he came up with a formula to twit the weather nitwits and correctly interpret their doomsday warnings, to wit:
THE ENTIRE METRO AREA IS UNDER A SEVERE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY!!! (emphasis not mine)
It goes like this: The “Bruiser Formula” is obtained by taking the low of the range of the predicted snowfall and dividing by two. That becomes the new maximum snow fall, if it snows at all . Thus, for example, if the weather clods say:
“Please everyone, try not to PANIC” (said with an understated air of near panic, and a controlled gnashing of teeth) “we are going to be blasted with a potentially deadly monster storm of (drums sounding) AS MUCH AS 2-4 INCHES OF FRESH SNOW TONIGHT!”. (As opposed to the the stale snow which might otherwise fall). “Stay tuned for a list of schools which have already scheduled closings for tomorrow.”
The Bruiser Formula simply says you take the low of the range 2-4 inches (i.e. 2 inches), divide by 2, and tra la! we now get the expected MAXIMUM snowfall of 1".
This is called “Invoking the Bruiser Formula”. Usually works.
Gah! I get those people too, “it’so cold here” “You know there’s snow on the ground?” “I’m Freezzing, whaddaya mean you’re not cold?” YOU SOUND LIKE A CRYBABY!
I have eyes, ears and a winter coat, I choose not to wear my coat because I AM NOT as cold as you seem to be, and it is not like we have had any snow to speak of, just four or five inches.
It’s only winter, dickhead, we have some every year. Get Over It.
If there had been any mail today I would have gotten it in the tshirt and shorts I am wearing now.
I live in the northwestern lower. When the cold air comes down in a northwesterly pattern, over the top of Lake Michigan, it creates a little white blob on the map, a little snow-making machine.
