Things that bug you about Star Trek

Everybody freaking speaks English. Universal translator, my ass.

I have only seen a few episodes of TNG and quit watching due to the overwhelming lameness.

  1. The was one episode where they needed to find some obscure information. They had Data read all of the information in the data base sequentially, albiet very quickly. Was there some sort of Dark Age where relational data bases were lost?

  2. There was an episode where two of the main characters became invisible (Jeordi and Riker?). They could walk through walls and put their heads into machinery to evaluate the problem. There was a bad guy who suffered the same ailment who was trying to kill them. They had a fight with the bad guy and knocked him into space through the ships wall. Why, oh why, didn’t they fall through the floor?

What an idiotic show. So many of my fellow enineers seem to love it too.

Haj

That’s another thing. Their stupid use of technobabble.

Enter the bi-lateral coordinates.
We’ll have to buffer the memory.
Have you need to calibrated the core?

Gah.

Haj

Yes, the first season of TNG made a big fuss about how the wiser, older captain would stay on board ship and not risk his life on damgerous missions. Hilariously, a couple of seasons later Patrick Stuart started getting pissed at all the camera time Jonathan Frakes got for leading the away team and so insisted that he go out on missions too. So for the rest of the series the writers had to include scenes in which the other officers had to try to keep Picard from leaving but allow him to heroically override them.

And they talk about Shatner’s ego.

True, we must remember we’re talking about a world in which one ship is the Federation’s flagship diplomatic vessel, ferrying world leaders around the galaxy, and its number one fighting warship, and its prime scientific ship, and a home for families even though it went into red alert at least once an episode (hope you weren’t at an important point in your experiment, anonymous scientist type, and that you get your childhood traumas looked at later in life, children on board), and one in which five officers manned the bridge 24 hours a day while also leaving the ship on missions, and

Amen! I am one of the few people on the Board who will admit to liking ST:V, but even I was dumbfounded at some of the things Janeway did. ANY crew of normal people who realized what she had done by destroying the Caretaker in episode 2 would’ve blasted her to ashes.

ST: First Contact. After watching Borg get machine-gunned to death and hacked up with an ax, I had to wonder: why don’t they just start replicating machine guns? Why all this bullshit with “remodulatig the phasers” when a gun kills the Borg?

And that was symptomatic of how the Borg always got a free pass from the laws of physics. Sorry, but if a huge missile explodes in the middle of your ship, your aren’t just “reassembling” it in seconds.

Ha ha, that’s a funny story. :slight_smile: Where did you read that?

Not to make any assumptions about anyone personally, but some of these “things that bug you” that people are listing seem akin to, “That’s not how warp drive really works!” And I thought I was a nerd. :smiley:

Lets go back to the redshirts, shall we?

We have a ship (pick a series) that gets taken over by hostile aliens at least every other week. Do we train our security people how to deal with intruders? Do we train them to handle their own weapons? Do we even install security cameras in the hallways? Of course not!

There are aliens trying to divert the geegaws into the doodads on deck 6. The guys sent to do something about this amble down the middle of the hallway, holding their weapons like they were burlap sacks filled with angry squirrels, and blunder around corners like they’ve got no peripheral vision. When they finally encounter the aliens, they get their asses kicked, usually in hand-to-hand combat.

You’d think that after maybe five or six takeover attempts, someone would start training them on how to actually get to use their weapons before getting punched in the head by an intruder. And maybe they’d start wearing padding and helmets so that the punches didn’t take them out every time.

They needed to generate an AI R. Lee Ermey in the holodeck to get those weak redshirts whipped into shape.

Ah. Now I feel better.

Actually, they didn’t go to Griffith Park all that much. It was Vasquez Rocks County Park that was used to death. I lost count of how many times Kirk and Co. walked or ran past or fell off that angled rock formation. Another popular location was/is Malibu Creek State Park.

Yeah, Starfleet Security has a LOT to answer for.

How about the inconsistencies in travel times? A thousand times the speed of light sounds fast until you realize that it would take 5.5 days just to go 15 light-years. And Archer’s Enterprise can only make Warp five, only 125 times c. That’s actually pretty slow to travel the galaxy.

I don’t know if you got to see the short-lived Babylon 5: Crusade spinoff series, but in one of its later episodes, they were going into uncharted terrirory and it bugged the living hell out of the characters that every new alien they met spoke English.

The crew actually got really freaked out about this.

At one point, the captain said, “Either these guys have been to Earth before, or there is one hell of a busy English teacher going around this section of the galaxy.”

Which one was the place they took Bill and Ted to get killed in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey? The movie made it quite clear they were using a location from Star Trek.

Star Trek

As a former industrial controls engineer, what really bugged me was miserable engineering when it came to safety and ergonomics.

First, the Federation - and nearly every race they ever ran into - used flat-screen touchpanels for every control panel on the screen. Apparantly in the future nobody will ever use mechanical buttons or switches anymore; everyone switched over to fancy electronic interfaces as soon as they were technologically available. Thing is, flat-panel screens make for miserable controls. You can’t find a critical button or switch by touch, so you have to look down at the screen every time you want to use a control. There’s no tactile feedback of when you’ve actually pushed a button or not, so it has to beep instead. Ever tried touch-typing on a membrane keyboard?

We have the technology today to replace manual controls and keyboards with fancy computerized touch-screen displays. It’s a fine idea where you need the flexibility to completely reconfigure an interface screen, but using this kind of interface for something really critical like the buttons to fire phasers or eject the warp core is really stupid. Take a look at how the Space Shuttle’s cockpit is set up they’ve got the computerized “glass cockpit” screens for displaying important information, but all of the important buttons and switches are mechanical, usually with rails or guards around them.

Yeah, I know the real reason they did that on TNG was for budget - a backlit screen is much cheaper and easier than actually mounting hardware. But as someone who’se worked in process control engineering, it really bugged me.

The bridge of the Enterprise-D was a nightmare. Crew consules that required you to stand for your entire shift? Ramps and steps in the floor for no apparant cause. No seatbelts - a problem that every Star Trek incarnation has had. Consoles that exploded when some far-distant part of the ship was damaged - which is especially curious as the Enterprise’s communication network was supposed to work by fiber optics, which don’t conduct electrical power surges too well.

Federation engineering is not robust at all. Every control task on the ship - down to opening and closing the doors - is dependant on the central computer cores. While there are three of them, if all three go down the ship is completely helpless. This is a terribly fragile arrangement for a shpi that’s supposed to be capable of combat, even if not primarily a warchip. A far safer system would have somputation spread out as thousands of subprocessers around the ship, with a fault-tolerant network between them. We’ve got the technology to build this today, so the Federation really has no excuse. The power system is similarily a nightmare - from the fragile warp core with minimal failsafe ability, massively excess reactivity, antimatter injectors that can get stuck open and an emergency ejection system which never actually ejects quick enough, to the brilliant idea of distribution power throughout the ship in the form of plasma conduits.

Apparantly, sometime between now and the 24th century, we forget everything we know about ergonomics, distributed computing, workplace safety, high-power electrical transmission, and fail-safe engineering, as well as the secret of building such fantastic devices as seat belts, fuses, security cameras, and mechanical pushbuttons.

IIRC, Bones showed up in an episode of TNG, and he was somewhere around 140 years old.

Ironically, this is exactly how Borg technology is described. I distinctly remember an episode where the crew studies the Borg ship and marvels at how everything is so “decentralized.”

**

One of the minor things I like about “Enterprise” is how they made a deliberate effort to move away from all the technobabble and b.s. The ship in that show is designed like and intended to resemble modern nuclear warships. The end result is much more realistic.

The ‘everyone speaks English’ deal bugged me too.

So did the parallel development idea, with the historical period episodes.

Ditto the DS9 aliens with clitorises on their foreheads.

But the one thing that bugged me more than anything else about Star Trek was time travel. You couldn’t gravity-slingshot around a planet without time traveling.

How about, "That’s not how genes really work? The all-time most annoying episode of TNG was the one in which the Enterprise crew started de-evolving due to something that caused latent gene sequences left over from ancestral species to be expressed. It’s bad enough that this instantly caused gross morphological changes to already full-grown organisms–Troi, for example, turned into some sort of giant newt…and yes, she got better! No, the worst part of all was the crewman (“Broccoli”?) who turned into a spider. People, no matter how far back you go, humans are not descended from frigging spiders!!!

(If they really wanted to reverse evolution, they should all have turned into Riker.)

I always thought that was central to Picard’s mission: to baldly go where no one has gone before.

Bill and Ted began their bogus journey in Vasquez Rocks. The same locale was also used in the live-action Flintstones movie, the original Twilight Zone and Outer Limits series, The Lone Ranger, and many, many other western and sci-fi TV series and movies. Directors and cinematographers really like those angled rock formations. Vasquez Rocks is located north of Los Angeles between Santa Clarita and Lancaster, on Highway 14. Its most famous rock formations can be seen from the highway.

Yeah, but even in the 24th century, they apparently couldn’t figure out how to tailor a tunic so that it wouldn’t bunch up when you sit down. Every time a bridge crewman stands up (especially Picard and Riker), he has to pull down on the front to smooth his shirt out again.

This has become known as “The Picard Maneuver”.

1.) The whole concept of security. If I run Starfleet, EVERYONE knows 57 different ways to kill anything humanoid with their bare hands and knows how to shoot phasers, guns, bows. Screw a security detail.

2.) Not enought intelligent use of computers and robots. With these you don’t need 400+ humans consuming food aboard ship. You can get by with a couple of dozen. Hell, look at what David Falkayn, Adzul, Chee Lan and “Muddlin’ Through” – three sentients and a computerized ship – were able to do in Poul Anderson’s stories.