Things we learned from Medieval 2: Total War

Or Medieval: Total War (or the rest of 'em, for that matter.)

It takes just as long to get from Moscow to Warsaw as from Navarre to Paris

The best diplomat is one who never ever does a deal as they set the bar impossibly high!

If one country stabs you in the back, they are untrustworthy. If three countries stab you in the back, YOU are untrustworthy (especially if one of them is Mother Russia… :))

Foolishly suicidal attacks and quixotic refusal to surrender are hallmarks of the average medieval ruler…(actually…hmmm maybe they have a point.)

Priests DID use maces. At least Scandinavian ones. (no word yet on how many hit points they heal.)

No matter how many popes you assassinate, the next pope will never get the hint and unexcommunicate you (speaking of which, if there is ever a Total War con, I will buy a Bad Religion T-shirt just for the Excommunicated symbol)

Rebels never actually try to take over cities, I guess they are all country boys at heart.

Armies are kind enough to let your trade caravans continue on their merry way UNLESS that army makes it to you city. In that case, everything halts.

“Asking” a conquered nation to become a protectorate is the medieval version of a rick roll. It’s an offhanded comment that diplomats throw out there just to be funny.