Things we learned from the Twilight Zone

Cafe Society
1

You can’t go home again. You may end up in a place very like home, but it will be different in some way that will ruin it for you. If home is exactly as you remember it then you are somehow different.

Never trust Children and Old Men. Oddly enough if you have old men acting like children things tend to work out ok.

Technology will fail you. In some cases it will actually push you right out the window. Or freeze you in time.

Elizabeth Montgomery is a stone cold fox. Even covered in dirt and speechless.

Aliens, as a general rule, are bad news. They may want to eat, torture, or trick you. Ironically the one alien you kill will have the cure for cancer.

Jack Klugman is probably going to die. Don’t fret, he may come back.

If you are in an episode with Burgess Meridith that is very bad news 50% of the time. 25% of the time he is harmless. The remaining 25% he is only a problem if you believe in censorship.

Greed is always punished. Every single time. Gold will be worthless, your face will be destroyed, or you will be a janitor long before you get to enjoy your wealth.

There is something on the wing.

2

Never trust aliens. They’re always up to no good, doing things like making food out of us or putting us in zoos. Unless of course we don’t trust them in which case after we kill them they turn out to be Christ like characters who were going to cure every known ill.

3

St. Peter in a suit standing at fancy gates telling you your dog can’t come to Heaven with you…a fraud.

A boy in overalls standing in front of a barnyard-type fence petting your dog and saying, “Why, shucks, of course he can come in!”…true angel

4

Screw entropy. Long term, what really wins is irony.

5

Pig people are jerks.

6

That’s not just déjà vu; events really are repeating themselves.

7

If you find yourself in a tank at the Little Big Horn…stay in the tank!

8

Damnit, sorry, I thought I read your OP! Usually I’m so good about this.

9

Never work with dolls. Or play with them. Or go down the stair with one anywhere in your house. Wind up dolls too. In fact, just get rid of all the toys.

10

aka: Don’t sit next to William Shatner on an airplane.

11

Always keep a spare pair of reading glasses in your safe deposit box. Maybe two.

Don’t be a jerk. (Always good advice.) Your neighbor isn’t an alien.

Don’t make any deals. But don’t be afraid to lend a hand.

ETA That fellow in the mirror isn’t really you. But he could be.

Also, don’t be so anxious to be the best pool player there ever was.

12

**It’s a cookbook!
**
Also,

The same thing happened to meeeee!

13

Another aircraft-related warning: stay away from helicopters.

14

Hang on tight to your glasses.

15

Vic Morrow does not approve.

16

I guess we’re just sticking to the 60’s version.

If you’re wondering all alone and it seems like you’re the last person on earth (or you and your husband or wife are the last people on earth), either you’ve had a mental breakdown, the military is messing with you, or you’ve been kidnapped by aliens and belong to a giant alien child.

If you survived a car wreck, maybe you didn’t.

17

Don’t get off at Willoughby.

18

Or in a diner. In fact, just stay away from William Shatner altogether. Let him hang out with Burgess Meredith.

19

If you’re going to play that old April Fool’s joke about the world blowing up from inside your secret underground bunker, don’t play it on old farts who make long-ass santimonious speeches about the importance of honor. They’ll just ruin everything for you, and drive you insane besides.

20

Uhh, I think the Farnham’s Freehold thread is over thataway somewhere.