Those massively overpriced holiday-themed lattes at Starbucks. You know, the ones made with eggnog, or the gingerbread-flavored one or whatever. Those things are a massive walloping dose of sugar all at once so I limit myself to one per year, on Thanksgiving. I always remember them as being tasty and delicious, but then I have one and it’s really just way too sweet and gone too quickly and then I have a headache for an hour afterward from all the sugar. And yet, I’m sure this year I’ll be buying another one…sigh.
Frozen White Castle burgers. Can’t get em fresh here and I always see them at the store. I keep trying but there’s no way to reheat with any hope of the taste of hot off the flat top.
Similar to beef jerky…summer sausage or other cured luscious rolls of meaty goodness.
Very rarely to they ever hit the perfect mark of texture, saltiness, meatiness, and cracker-harmony.
Flavored water. Okay, not something I really crave much, but sometimes if I’m in a hurry and don’t have my water bottle with me, I’ll be standing in checkout with some plain bottled water. I’ll find myself staring at the case of flavored waters, which look so fresh and yummy with pictures of fruits on the front. Then I’ll crack one open, take a big swig and…gack. Horrible, horrible fake sweetner! Terrible aftertaste! Where’s my toothbrush?!
The food at the food bar at Whole Foods. It’s good, but I’m always expecting it to be better than it actually is. The only things at Whole Foods that are so delicious they truly live up to my cravings for them are the white chocolate macadamia nut cookies (best I’ve ever had) and the veggie crisps with Whole Foods house dill dip.
Onion rings made somewhere other than someone’s home. They look so delicious on the menu, and their description makes them sound absolutely lucious, but with only one exception, a purchased onion ring has never, ever been as good as a homemade onion ring.
I dunno what it’s like in Salt Lake City (assuming you’re still there), but there’s been kind of a backlash against the super-hoppy IPA bombs than American craft beer drinkers have been making in recent years, and to some extent, that backlash come in the form of traditional, German/Bavarian style session beers. Poke around beermapping.com and ratebeer.com to see who’s making what near you.
Egg nog. The stuff looks absolutely wonderful to me, especially when it’s a little bubbly on top and has a dusting of nutmeg. I see it, and I must have some. I have a glass every year around Christmastime, and every year I think the same thing: “Meh, that looked a lot better than it tasted. Why don’t I ever remember that?” But I never do.
Remember these magic words next time: “How much syrup do you normally put in those? Thanks, put in half that.” The gingerbread latte is better with just three pumps of syrup.
But I generally agree – the frappuccinos usually sound better than they end up tasting.
Pizza Hut. Every six months or so, I get a hankering for something like a P’zone or a Meat Lover’s Stuffed Crust pizza. I put it off, because, really, that stuff’ll kill me someday, but every time, I eventually cave. I call the Pizza Hut, I place my order, wait an hour and a half for delivery–disappointment #1!–and then get my order.
I expect delicious and cheesy. I get salty and greasy and stale and flavorless and sometimes slightly burnt, and sometimes actually sweet, which is gross. It is never as good as I remember. It’s never as good as I wanted. I end up throwing most of it out.
And then, six months later. . .
My mom swears that stuffed crust pizza was always that bad; it’s just that I’m an adult now, and can appreciate that it’s crap. I should probably apologize for making her order it when I was a kid. Probably.
Crab cakes. I just have to keep reminding myself that I don’t live on the Eastern Shore, but on the North Coast.
I very nearly started a very similar thread, though I was going to phrase it as “Things you really want to like, but…”
But my example product fits just as well as an answer to this thread:
Funyuns.
A snack food that will satisfy both my love of onions and my craving for something crunchy! So I buy a bag, and start munching, and … and … they just taste salty, not oniony. And while they are indeed crunchy, they are perhaps too crunchy. And something about the combination of the flavor and the texture makes it feel like the stuff is making little burning cuts all over the roof of my mouth, and I never finish the bag.
And then maybe a year later I’ll be browsing the chip aisle at Safeway, and think, “I’m tired of Doritos and Cheetos. What else is there … Oooo! Funyuns! I like Funyuns!”
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Restaurant/store cole slaw uses far too much sugar in the dressing, and far too much dressing. That’s why.
I’m with the hot dog folks. Every time I go to the ball park the drifting scent convinces me this time will be different. It never is. It never tastes as good as it smells & I never make it all the way through the hot dog before my stomach is cramping and I want to hurl.
Maltese Falcons. (Hangs head.)
OK this is going to sound really weird, and even though I came up with the idea while pregnant even when not pregnant I picture this tasting fantastic.
Toast with peanut butter and fried egg.
I imagine the crispy bits at the edge of the egg and a slightly runny yolk mingling perfectly with the smooth and peanut buttery goodness. Well not so much. I still try once in a while and it is never as good as it is in my head.
Same here except it’s Long John Silver’s.
I fell in love with Staropramen and Pilsner Urquell when I was in the Czech Republic in '94. Soon after I returned to the States, I discovered that both beers were imported here…and tasted terrible here, too.
+1 for Pizza Hut. And, I’ll add White Castle to the list.
Damn you, McRib.
That sounds great—While I enjoy a full bodied micro-brew (Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, Odells 90 Schilling, Lagunitas IPA) on occasion, usually in the cooler months, as well as a good Belgian Trappist ale once in a while (Orval, Westmalle) some of my favorite beer experiences have been drinking nice big, cold, cheap draughts of the local pils when bumming around Germany, Netherlands or the Czech Republic.
I don’t care if some beersnobs think pilsner is only for watered-down American tastes (which is assinine; that’s what 99% of the average Dutch, Czech and German beer lovers drink on a regular, daily basis, not thick, filling ales) I know what I enjoy, and am not looking to impress anyone with my selections.
Just in case it wasn’t clear in my follow-up post, I appreiciate your heads-up and will see what looks good on those websites.
Thanks for the info!!!
Spaghetti’O’s. They are the quintessential comfort food of my childhood. Now and again, when I’m not feeling well or feeling down I crave them.
Too sweet, too mushy.
Sigh.