Steve has a knack for saying things I don’t want to hear, but this morning at 7:00 he came up with one that tops most.
“Julie, it came open.”
You see, he was talking about the surgical wound on his wrist, the very surgical wound that he had stitches removed from yesterday. Oh, but it gets better.
“I can see the tendon.”
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, do not tell your squeamish loved ones you can see the tendon. Never acknowledge your vision of the tendon, okay? Is this too much to ask?
is that a cat or a big rat?
Aw man, that creeped me out on several levels.
First, I get woozy hearing about stuff like this. Some years back, a friend was describing her root canal and I had to put my head down!
Secondly, my husband’s name is Steve. We just brought him home from the hospital yesterday where he had spinal surgery. Thankfully, his incision is still fully stapled till next week, and the worst I have to deal with is changing the dressing, which isn’t too terrible.
But I’m definitely with you on the tendon thing. GAAAH!
Ack. Spinal surgery is so much worse for these fevered imaginings I keep having. Nooooo.
“Is this normal?”
Courtesy of your very, very pregnant wife.
Nah, the worst thing to hear is your school-aged kid taking a chunder in the bathroom at 7.00am when you are due to rock in to work at 9.00am.
Totally blitzes your day, both maternally AND financially as well. 
I’d be especially squicked out by this because my name isn’t Julie. :eek:
This morning it was “I have a poopie”. I was thinking to myself that I don’t have time for this this morning, I just changed him, I’m already late.
“Is the poopie in your diaper”
“Yes”
“Or do you need to put a poopie in the potty”
“Yes”
He smelled, but hadn’t pooped - it was a fart. And I still had to wait until he’d farted in the toilet before I could wrap him back up and get on with the day.
Oh, the joys of potty training. At least it was just a fart.
My favorite one was an apparent Good News that makes you do a Double Take.
I Walked into our building and was greeted with:
“The Fire’s Out!”
He said it with a big smile on his face, too.
Any dog owner will know the horrid sound of a dog about to puke, to wit: “Urg. Urg. Urg.” At five AM you are awakened by this sound and run like hell to let them outside before they barf on the rug and are usually about .00002 seconds too late.
Cleaning vomit out of a rug as the sun comes up can make you start imagining the sweet fur jacket you could make out of your canine companion.
Not quite a first thing in the morning episode but…
We’re in the Atlanta, GA airport, catching a connecting flight. We’re actually walking toward the gate to board. SWMBO’s cell phone rings. It’s the Teenaged Terror calling about her older brother:
“You need to call PJ (brother’s girlfriend). She’s in her car following the ambulance that’s taking Bro to the hospital, and they need your insurance information.”
“Mom, I’m supposed to bring 26 Valentine’s Day treats to school today.”
Splish splash.
Living in a basement at the time. Waking up to 6" of water on the floor.
I can think of one. . .
[Story]
“chirp chirp, tweet tweet”
‘What the. . . where the hell am I? Why am I in the middle of a football field, where are my shoes, and where is the party bus I was on last night?’
[/Story]
Tripler
Yeah, that’s as much of the story as I’m going to tell, 'cause that’s all I remember.
Yes. And hearing the DH repeatedly yelling a dog’s name first thing in the morning almost always means something bad. The last time it happened it was because one of the dogs had caught a rabbit in the yard and decided to bring it inside. She was doing laps around the living room with DH alternately trying to catch her or herd her back outside. Cleaning blood, rabbit fur and rabbit droppings from the living room and dining room rugs was not my ideal start to the day.
well, not quite first thing but how about “The runways are a bit crowded at the moment, so we will be taking off late”.
Because after getting up at half-past four in the morning for an 0640 flight that is just rubbing salt in the wound. I COULD HAVE HAD AN EXTRA HALF_HOUR IN BED. AAARGH!!! DAMMIT!
Ah, the memories you bring back! Reminds me of many a morning with my hairball-prone long haired kitty several years ago. I miss her, but not the Nature’s Miracle™ ritual that she necessitated.
For me (with no kids, or pets now), it would have to be “there’s snow (or ice) on the ground” - on a day when I absolutely, positively have to be at work.
“There’s no hot water!” followed by “Hey, there’s water pouring out of the garage!”
How about the sound of lots of glass breaking?
And then when you go and look, it’s because someone threw a large chunk of sidewalk and a vodka bottle through your front windows. Into your living room, where your cats sleep.
“We have computers on sale this week for $125.”
cf’75