Things you don't want to hear first thing in the morning

I walk into the office, still have my coat on. This is my first non-autopilot human interaction of the day.

Support guy: “What do you want to do about the laptops?”

Me: “Huh? What laptops?”

Support: “The laptops, the ones that were stolen from the office…”

Someone had broken into the office early that morning, and helped himself to all the laptops that the office manager and salesmen staff (ALL of whom I’d warned, repeatedly, to lock the things up) routinely left sitting out on their desks. Moderately nice machines containing all of the sales reps’ contact lists, etc.

“Yeooooooooowwwwllll,” which is the sound cwKitty could make whenever she was about to bring up something disgusting.

I pretty much wake up every morning to the sound of the boyfriend farting. Every day. I’m not sure why he’s so gassy in the morning but, well, there you have it. Doesn’t exactly smell that great either.

Read the note, and then give the street cats whatever they want.

Funny you should start this today.

This morning at about 6:15 I came in through the backdoor after my morning run and was greeted by my 6 year old who proclaimed “Guess what? We don’t have any water!”

We live out in the country and the two biggest worries are: 1) the septic is full and has either backed up or overflowed (hasn’t never happened to us but I have helped a neighbor who experienced this…it is a whole 'nother level of yuck when its someone’s elses shit); and 2) the pump goes out.

Turns out the pressure switch froze in the “off” position, thus not allowing the pressure tank to fill. A little sunlight and things were fine.

This is pretty much how I can tell the husband is starting to wake up.


The sound of my dad shooting his dog at 5:00AM when I was a kid.
Our neighbor accidently hit him and his organs and stuff were hanging out. He was bleeding to death.
I literally jumped out of my bed. Went from laying down dead asleep to standing up awake and jittery from adrenaline.

For me, it’s hearing much of anything. I am NOT a morning person and my response to something as simple as ‘good morning!’ will be somewhere between a grunt and a snarl.

Somebody else’s alarm, coming through the wall. Bonus points if it’s a song you hate.

How about “Hurricane XXX is scheduled to to make landfall at (INSERT YOUR HOME CITY HERE) as a category four storm some time before daybreak. Hunker down.”


He needs another surgery on his wrist! Damn those tendons, flapping in the breeze!

(This is an exaggeration. The tendon is not flapping. Do not panic.)

Argh! I hate that. In ye olde 1994, when the middle son was born, we lived in an apartment. The baby’s schedule was not the best it could have been, so I was spending every night up to the wee hours. We’d often drift off to sleep as the sun was coming up.

Only to be awoken by the bitch down stairs as she played “Sweet Home Alabama” loud enough so she could hear it over her hair dryer at 6:00 am.

I hated that women. I hate that song. I almost even hate the state of Alabama over that one.

I was woken up at THREE AM a couple days ago with a sound like this.

I live in a condo and occasionally people set off firecrackers.

But at three am?

And that aren’t snappy like firecrackers?

And that go in a cadence:

…1 second pause

then 5 seconds later the same!

with a DIFFERENT SOUND, that still doesnt sound like a firecracker. Granted, both of them also sounded insufficiently like the firearms I know to call the police, but I was still totally adrenalized, but didn’t see or hear anyone outside. Didn’t read anything in the papers either :::::shrug:::::

I have a Pavlovian violent reaction to the default Nokia cell phone ring thanks to a roommate I once had who liked to have long phone conversations at 3 am on the stairs directly above my bed. Every time I hear it now, I have to puch someone in the face.

glances around for picunurse

Every morning for the past month or so, I’ve been waking up to the sound of some woman crying. Not little weeping noises, but wailing, melodramatic crying. It sounds like something you’d hear in an old dramatic film, or in theatre or something. I can picture the woman with the back of her hand pressed to her forehead, and her other hand clutched to her breast, and wailing in a manner that lets the world around her know she is, indeed, crying her heart out.

I would feel awful, just awful, if she was doing it because someone died, or she was being abused, or something. But I can’t help but think, just from the manner in which she does it, that she’s doing it for attention. You know, boyfriend said something she didn’t like. Wail. Boyfriend didn’t agree with something she said. Sob. Boyfriend told her his opinion of something. Cry. Whine.

Like I said, I’d feel bad if it was something serious, but good god, who cries that melodramatically? All the time? It’s not just in the morning, but it will suddenly happen in mid afternoon, or in the evening. And I can always hear someone with her, speaking calmly - sometimes speaking very irritably. Sounds like a male voice. Whoever it is, they seem patient and gentle enough. I never hear anyone raising their voice or anything. Just faint mumbles of conversation, then suddenly: BWAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA WAAAAAA! deep, stuttering inhale WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hnk! hnk! hnk! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Settle down, Lucy.

I initally read the first sentence as “Someboyd else’s arm, coming through the wall.” Which, of course, would be another thing I don’t want to hear first thing in the morning.

Whiney, pathetic emo music certainly ranks up there somewhere. Along with a fire alarm in March in Rochester. And “Bubba the love sponge” AKA “the worst radio morning show guy ever.”

On the other hand I used to realy enjoy waking up to Dee Snyder’s radio show. Too bad he got cancelled.

Awesome. You made me giggle. :smiley:

Arm. Damn.

Oh, and also the sound of someone dribbling a basketball inside, which I have bitched about elsewhere. It’s amazingly maddening.

“Why is there a police car in our driveway?”


That was the sound of a car driving through our front door at 3:30 a.m.