Things you know about HISTORY from movies, TV, and bad novels

[Azeotrope]

Interiors, be they palaces, log cabins, or rude thatched huts, are always spotlessly clean inside.

Also, the poor but humble peasants inside said huts will have freshly washed and ironed rags, immaculate fingernails, clean hair, and shining faces except for a couple token smudges of dirt on their cheeks. The kings, of course, wear their crowns 24/7 and the womenfolk in the cabins will either be holding a baby or baking bread while wondering when Pa’s gonna come home.

[Azeotrope]

Also, all Japanese people are karate masters, are obsessed with honor, and strut around in kimono at the drop of a hat. They are also required by federal law to call everyone Whatsisname-san and speak in cryptic, poetic sentences.

[constanze]

@Sitnam

Actually they dug up the Mary Rose and even the grunts had nicer teeth than modern Brits (yeah…har, har). Sugar hadn’t arrived on the Continent yet in bulk.

There’s a difference between “normal teeth without visible caries (or discoloration from smoking, which needed tobacco from the Indians)” and “unnatural whiteness achieved with bleaching, unnatural straight lines achieved with braces, unnatural same-length achived with surgical measures” that a lot of US actors show when doing a dazzling smile.

There was a thread sometime about the difference between Brits and Yanks, and the Brits wondered where the US clichee of Brits having rotten, bad teeth (because of the bad socialist medicine, probably) comes from, when they see themselves as having perfectly normal, healthy teeth. Turns out it was the lack of bleaching and straightening that looked normal to the Brits, but rotten to the Yanks.

[Emily_Litella]

@EvilTOJ

Braveheart.

I don’t even know where to begin.

Lets start with Prima Nocta. All noblemen, even the king were too busy screwing their subject to rule. The ruling was done by their evil sidekick.
It’s good to be the king.

[Malleus_Incus_Stapes]

@constanze

There’s a difference between “normal teeth without visible caries (or discoloration from smoking, which needed tobacco from the Indians)” and “unnatural whiteness achieved with bleaching, unnatural straight lines achieved with braces, unnatural same-length achived with surgical measures” that a lot of US actors show when doing a dazzling smile.

There was a thread sometime about the difference between Brits and Yanks, and the Brits wondered where the US clichee of Brits having rotten, bad teeth (because of the bad socialist medicine, probably) comes from, when they see themselves as having perfectly normal, healthy teeth. Turns out it was the lack of bleaching and straightening that looked normal to the Brits, but rotten to the Yanks.

looks in mirror

Dunno, this American has perfectly natural straight white teeth. (Well, natural-looking white. Normal tooth-colored teeth).

[Ibn_Warraq]

@Argent_Towers

Armor is heavy, clunky, and constantly makes metal-clanking sounds. Bad guys usually wore black armor, and also usually had their faces obscured by visors.

Kettle helms (13th century), bascinets (14th century,) sallets (15th century) and armets (16th century) were all worn at the same time.

All warhorses are enormous.

Also, everyone the Middle Ages was as tall as modern day Americans.

That was especially true of Knights who were always over six feet tall.

[Evil_Captor]

In the 1950s, all women wore high heels everywhere, except for teen bobby soxers.

[Sailboat]

@soulmurk

Cowboys were the good guys. Unless they were the bad guys. Either way, they weren’t mindless savages like the Native Americans. Unless they were savage Cowboy bad guys, in which case they still weren’t as bad as the Native Americans.

Necessity is the mother of all invention. And a means to bypass the laws of the universe.

All you need to start a revolution is a reluctant leader; preferably a farmer or shepherd with no military or political background. If you revolt, they will come.

In case you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and watch Rustlers’ Rhapsody.