Uh, I’ve gone as far as I want to with that guy’s lame joke. Maybe @FairyChatMom will return and enlighten.
Years after I’d grown up and moved away from home, my mom was visiting me. We were trying to decide where to go for lunch, and I suggested sushi. I don’t think she’d ever had it; she said “oh, I don’t think I’d like that.”
The correct reply didn’t occur to me until later. “How do you know you don’t like it if you won’t even try it?”
He was suggesting that he’d trade his cocktail garnish for my maidenly virtue. Like a subtle way of saying “F*** you!”
Guess you had to be there.
Okay, I’ll bite. When I was growing up (a good deal more than 40 years ago), cherry was a slang for a virgin woman’s hymen.
Got it now. That was subtle. And the whole table cracked up? Must have been a group of telepaths
Actually, it was a group of future Navy officers - it happened when we were in OCS.
Hindsight is so 2 years ago.
“I’m still busy looking forward in my life.”
I got a pretty good zinger off when I was a teen applying for a summer job at a machine shop. The interviewer was a real jerk and I already knew I didn’t want to work there. When he asked if I was proficient with any machines, I replied, “yes.” Then he asked which ones? I said, “gumball machines.”
I didn’t get that job.
I was on a blind date many years ago. My date was obnoxious and I had no intention of asking for a second date. But I was my normal pleasant self during dinner, trying to make the best of a bad date. During dessert, she blurted, “I’m sorry, but I don’t date fat guys.” (For the record, I wasn’t fat, just a tad stocky). I simply replied, “oh, that’s nice” and finished my tiramisu with gusto.
Only on the way home did I think of a better reply: “that’s good because I don’t date ugly, rude gals.”
I know there’s a type of basket that babies sleep in that’s called a Moses basket, but I’ve never heard of a Moses themed baby shower.
When I goggled “moses themed baby shower” (when I made the post, not when this happened) just to make sure it wasn’t a thing I wasn’t aware of, I saw the same baskets. I assume that’s kinda what they were looking for. But I still remember thinking “do…do they know what the basket was used for?”
I’d think, if you want to have a biblical baby shower, going for a Baby Jesus/Nativity Scene would make the most sense. Everyone could fawn over the baby, decorations are easy to find (and I’m guessing they probably already have them), it’s a birth that was celebrated instead of hidden for fear of the child being killed, it would practically be sacrilege not to bring gifts etc. Sure, there’s the whole crucifixion thing, but that’s not for, like, at least 30 years. That’s a problem for future-jesus to figure out.
Well, I didn’t say it, but I was at a gas station in Newburgh, NY once on a business trip and a civilian Jeep pulled in with two young, buff guys in it.
One of them calls out, “Hey, buddy, can you tell me how to get to West Point?”
And I thought but didn’t say, “Join the Army!”, which is why I’m still alive today…
Okay, here’s one that a bit TMI, from about 45 years ago.
I had a certain gay friend (who I am still friends with), who was enthusiastically trying to tell me of the joys of anal sex – all the better if unprotected. However, he did mention that “I’ve had the clap so many times it isn’t even funny any more”.
What I should have said was: “Was it funny the first time?”
(Epilogue: That was at about the beginning of the AIDS epidemic. Based on this story and similar things he said, I estimated his future life span to be, maybe, another 5 years. Yes, he got AIDS, but is somehow still alive to this day.)
I saw someone quip that after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock that Rock should have replied, “I can see why you didn’t win an Oscar for Ali.”
I was one of the last draftees, and I wish I would have told one of my COs, “soon you’ll be nothing but a bad memory”. There wouldn’t have been much he could have done to me.
Did he get it 45 years ago or more recently. It’s my understanding that, yes, getting it back then left you with a life expectancy of a few years, but nowadays, other than a giant handful of pills you have to take everyday forever, you can still lead a relatively normal life and live to a relatively normal age.
LegalEagle sort of jokingly mentioned that had he punched instead of slapped Chris, his training for the movie could have come into play.
A job interviewer once asked me if I spoke Spanish. My reply was “Not really, unless they want to know why subway tracks are dangerous.” (This one’s an NYC thing, there were prominent English/Spanish posters with this information in every train car).
I got that job.
Once a male friend at a bar was jokingly trying out pickup lines on me. He said “How about going out to breakfast with me tomorrow? Should I call you or just nudge you?” Without missing a beat I said “Write me.” That one happened 35 years ago and I’m still proud of it.
A bit off topic, but it reminded me of something. A few years ago I was delivering something to a part of town that’s mostly Mexican/Latino. When I got back I proudly announced that all those years (3) of Spanish classes finally paid off. When someone asked me what happened I told them (and this did actually happen) someone approached me on the street and said “¿Hablas Español?”, to which I replied “No”.
I only learned of this within the past 10 years or so, but he claims to have had AIDS since the earliest days in the mid- (or early-?) 1970s. (Given what I know, and knew even then, of his lifestyle, that seems more probable than not.) That was back in the days that people (mostly gay men) were beginning to die of AIDS before anyone even knew what it was.
In college, I took a Theories of Personality class that started with Freud. One of the experiments we learned about, the researcher measured whether men or women were more likely to take a pen. If women were more likely, that would prove that women had penis envy because pens are phallic objects. 
At the first test, I brought a pen and two pencils and had them out on my desk.
The professor pointed at me and exclaimed “Aha! Penis envy!”
What I should have said, which I didn’t think about until several hours later was “It’s not that we want one, it’s just that we like to play with them”