Oh, I get enough attention, thank you very much. But I think people getting attention by putting down others like that are pretty shallow.
I sure hope you’re joking.
WWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH
In an effort to put out the current fire and start a new one
Hey obfusciatrist, I’ve often wanted to tell handy the exact same thing.
And something I did say, but shouldn’t have:
I was talking with an Indian guy at work about Hinduism, and he told me of his roommate who collected idols of the various Hindu gods. I couldn’t stop myself, though I tried. I said, “Gotta catch 'em all”.
Sorry Falcon, you are wrong. You gave your response to someone who just thought of saying it. I would like to see your response (and allow Turpentine to see the response) if it were actually said.
I said it. For the moment, let’s assume I meant it.
Welfy, just to be clear: I was not trying to get attention by putting anybody down. I was accusing you of trying to get attention. Again, feel free to assume I meant it.
TheNerd: handy was not the person I was thinking of. But your bravery has inspired me. Zenster was the person I was thinking of (but my judgement may be clouded by having actually met the man).
Well, then I will assume that you are joking.
Tzel, I saw where Ob was coming from, but I wasn’t completely sure if he was joking or not. And Ob, I meant Turp when I said shallow. I’m sorry it came across as saying it to you.
I don’t want to start any fights with anyone. I was just hurt by that remark because it cut too close to home, and I chose to state that. Maybe I should just never state my opinions.
By no means, Welfy, am I trying to squelch the stating of opinions. But if you feel you should be able to express your displeasure at someone’s opinion you have to allow that others can do so to yours.
I do not know the circumstances of your cutting. But I do know that most of the people I knew growing up who self-mutilated (including me to an extent) were doing it for attention and because they felt pain cleared their head.
So yes, in a way I do want to ask cutters (and other self-mutilators) “what? aren’t you getting enough attention.” Because every single cutter I knew stopped once they started to feel cared for. I am not saying that is true of EVERY cutter in the world, but that is my view on the matter.
No, but Al does. Doesn’t he?
And hey! Where’s this thread going?
The OP didn’t say “deep, insightful, caring, politically correct things you want to say”, did it?
The comment about the ugly friend wasn’t something you’d find on a Hallmark card either.
Then I state that I disagree. If you said it to my face, I’d tell you to fuck off. Fair enough?
Quite.
Well, that was eerily pointed example of just why you shouldn’t say everything that comes to your head.
I thought what turpentine said was pretty funny, but then again, I wouldn’t say it out loud. In fact he stated quite clearly that everyone was going to hate him for it.
Insulting each other was de rigeur in my group of friends. It used to annoy me, but then I grew an immune system of caustic wit.
(I know I start these posts with a point, but they always end up going nowhere.)
Hey Auntie, let’s not incite the flamers to attack me. 
ObTopic (sort of): One thing that really, REALLY irritates me is when people ask expectant parents what sex of child their hoping for and the parents reply, “Oh, we don’t care, just as long as it’s healthy.” Or something to that effect. Come on, of course they would prefer a girl or boy over the other, it’s only natural.
My sister was driving me nuts with this when she was pregnant, because instead of saying “we hope it’s healthy,” she would say, “as long as it has ten fingers and ten toes…” AAARRRRGGGHHHH.
Anyways, I was with her when an old friend of hers asked the dreaded question. Before my sister could respond, I chimed in, “Oh, everyone really wants a little girl, but if it’s a boy we’re hoping he has a really big penis.”
The looks on both parties were priceless.
I’v heard that one as well, and fought off the urge to ask, “So as long as it’s got ten fingers and toes, you won’t mind if it’s stillborn?”
Because it is ridiculous, and not very believable.
My all time, hands down winner of the award for “things I haven’t said” is in reaction to the question… “How are you doing?”
I’ve got several I haven’t used.
- Lousy.
- My wife is still shaking, so I think I’m doing all right.
- doing what?
- I understand why those people get machine guns and mow people down.
- Lousy, why lie?
- Fantastic, wanna go to bed and find out? (To one or two ladies, but I kept quiet.)
I need to start writing these down. 
My problem is I actually say things that pop into my head. Needless to say, it gets me into trouble sometimes. Then again, sometimes it leads to much hilarity–as Falcon can attest.
“I’m all about the dick!”
When I hear people use the phrase “Hey, long time no see!”, I can’t help but hear the reply, “Yeah, long time no care!” in my head.
I always feel awful about this, because I know for myself that people do fall out of touch, and it’s always nice to run into them when you do. But that damn reply is stuck in my head…
I used to work at a small retail store. One day while I was at the register, the register drawer was open for a while while I counted out cash, or something. The register lets off a continuous “beeeeeeep” when the cash drawer is open.
A customer waiting in line asked, “What is that beeping sound?”
Without thinking (it was a long day, and I was very harried) I merely said in a deadpan voice, “That sound is coming from inside your head!”
Immediately, I was appalled. I could not believe that I had just said that, and I apologized profusely to the customer. But she just couldn’t stop laughing, and was laughing still as she left the store. Obviously I dodged a bullet there!
I’m with Geobabe. It’s not so much as witty stuff as rude or weird stuff in my case. Something happens and this rude, irritated or nonsensical response comes into my head. And before I can stop myself…bam, I’ve said it! I don’t do this as much on the SDMB, for the obvious reason that it’s hard to type stuff without thinking, but people who have met me might have noticed that I am full of non sequiters.
I have to say “never mind” a lot.
Just to drag it out a little longer…
Turps>>I think what you said was funny. If people spent a little more time laughing at themselves, their past actions, and their current insecurities, they would certainly enjoy life a bit more…and deal with smartarse comments in a more pleasurable way.
SO I believe…
THe true mark of recovery is a the ability to laugh at yourself…
BEnno
Be happy, have fun, hurt no-one.
I work in a call center doing incoming phone sales (for a big computer company). I constantly fight the urge to answer the next call with something like:
“Thank you for calling (company name). This had better be good.”
Or, even more tempting, answering simply by saying as cheerfully as I can…“Pizza Hut!”