My husband refuses to read directions when assembling something. He thinks he knows how to do it. We’ve had so many arguments over this. We struggled for an hour trying to install a new screen door. He was swearing and saying - this shouldn’t be this hard to do. (He has installed screen doors before). Finally I said - lets just stop for a minute. I started reading the directions. Up to that point, he had done everything out of order and that is why we were having such a hard time. So I read the directions and we went step by step and had it up in within 15 minutes. Then I noticed he was assembling the door handle. It had a cone shaped spring that went inside of it. He just plopped it in, never looking at the instructions. I said - Oh no you don’t! Stop! I looked at the directions and sure enough he was inserting the spring backwards!!! AAARRRGGGHHH.
While he was napping yesterday, I started putting together a swivel end table for my mom who is in an assisted living facility. I did it outside on the patio. I followed the directions step by step and had no issues whatsoever. I was about halfway done when he came outside. He looked at it and said, quite confidently - you should put all of the big pieces together first. 
WTH!!?? 
I said - No, I’m following the directions. It came out great! I will proudly be presenting it to my mom today!
I have a great sense of direction and if I’m not 100% sure how to get somewhere then Google Maps to the rescue. Mrs Cad could get lost walking down the hallway and for her, north, south, east ,west, left & right are random directions.
So please stop telling me how to get somewhere when I’m driving.
I’m sure that in my family I’m the one who does most of the aggravating.
That said, my wife has the annoying habit of not listening to suggestions for years and then deciding to do what was suggested to her because she has now thought of it.
For example she hanged a spice rack in the kitchen from a cord in a nail fixed into the wall. For years she complained because we (my son and I) were careless and hit it our shoulders making it wobble and risking dropping the spice flasks in it.
I suggested hanging it from two nails, so it wouldn’t wobble so easily, and was summarily ignored… until one day she proudly showed me how she had fixed it… by hanging it from two nails!.
This kind of situation happens all the time, mostly with me suggesting books, movies and tv series, being ignored until, years later she comes to me to breathlessly suggest this great movie/book/series I must watch… completely forgetting that I had previously suggested it.
Mr. brown will be in the next room, out of sight, and ask “what’s this?” I have to remind him “I can’t see what you’re talking about.” He’ll give out an enormous put-upon sigh and only then describe what it is.
hehehe, Mrs. Baggins does that too, completely forgetting that I’m not in the same room, or even in the same mind, I often have to ask her to explain again what she’s asking me to do but to consider this time that we do not share a mind and add the necessary context.
You know, if after every use one closes the lid it would not matter seat up or down because everyone would have to lift one time to go.
Reminds me of a Garry Shandling joke: Do you know what the dog thinks when he sees you using the toilet? “Hey! HEY! Would you mind? I drink from there!”
Or ask about the contents of the pantry or fridge, he may ask are there any bagels co left? I say I dunno look?
Or open the fridge staring inside and asking where’s the ketchup. Right. In. Front. Of. You.
I’m guilty of that, my levels of observation and situational awareness are extremely bad.
Oh! But beer can always be found even if I hide a can, he will find it.
Well, proper motivation can do wonders for one’s powers of observation.
Oh! Honey, when we are outside and trying to find each other while talking on cell phones, tell me “Here! Here!” isn’t helpful.
So many things in this thread sound so familiar!
Here’s another thing my wife does: if I ask where something is, instead of just saying she doesn’t know, or telling me where she saw it last, it turns into a guessing game. “Is it under the sink? Is it in the pantry? Is it in the drawer?” If I knew where it was, I wouldn’t be asking!
I know that she’s just thinking out loud about the places it could or should be. It’s just the phrasing that drives me crazy.
I’m certain I annoy my wife more than she annoys me. However, one of the things that she does that drives me nuts is that she’ll mumble something in the next room, which I obviously don’t understand. So I’ll holler, “WHAT?” very loudly to emphasize that more volume would probably help me understand what the hell she is saying. Instead, she’ll walk further away from me while repeating what she said at the same volume. Then she’ll declare hearing loss is why I can’t understand her. I’m sure I have some hearing loss, but her mumbles and walking further away when she repeats herself are the root cause of the problem. She’s been doing this for decades.
I used to find whatever room she was in, and then ask her again what she was talking about. I don’t do that anymore. If she doesn’t increase her volume or move closer to me when she repeats what she says, I don’t respond at all. I assume she’ll say it while we’re in the same room if it’s important.
The only time in our 29 years together that I left the seat up was in the middle of the night when Ms. P was hugely pregnant. Not the best time.
My wife would do this thing where she’d say something to me from the other room, and all I’d hear would be something like “mumble mumble mumble in the garage.” I’d say “WHAT?” To which she would respond “THE GARAGE!” So I had to learn to respond with something like “All I heard was garage!” so that she would repeat the whole thing. I do still have to reminder her that I can’t hear her from two rooms away.
And here’s one I kept doing the other day. I had taken my hearing aids out while I was out mowing. After I came back inside, I asked her a question but couldn’t hear the answer because I hadn’t put my hearing aids back in yet. After doing this a few times, I finally said “I guess I should quit asking you questions if I can’t hear the answer!” 
Hehehe, one of the things I will do is repeat the best interpretation I have of the mumble as a question. Yesterday, it was “You’re going to put the cat in a fire?” She then moved closer and said she was going to put some stuff (not one of our cats) in the dryer.
There is nothing my spouse does that aggravates me. Nothing. It’s a GOOD life.
Smart man. 
My family insists on having family gatherings. We are down to about 6 a year now but most of us are in our 70’s and 80’s. I find I have very little in common with them and would often rather spend holidays with friends. The guilt tripping is ridiculous if you don’t show up. I am on the verge of just removing myself from the family.