All, they all have one fault.
Ignoring me.
I have one friend who is very judgmental, snobby even, to the point where it’s difficult to go anywhere or do anything with her, because nothing is good enough for her standards. I have never been to a restaurant in this entire city with her where she didn’t complain about something - usually the food, but if it’s not the food then it’s the service, the atmosphere, something … She is not shy about making her complaints known.
It gets tiresome. You feel as though you can’t return to that restaurant ever again, or that heaven forbid you should want to return, you can’t invite her - makes for awkwardness all around.
I have some friends who don’t really complain about their lives, but when they talk about their unfortunate circumstances I get so depressed it’s basically the same concept. Two in particular still live with their parents in abusive, unhealthy situations. They are in their mid and late twenties. There is so much they can do to change their life circumstances, but they won’t do it. They just accept their misery as inevitable. Even the things they get excited about depress me, because the exciting things are minor and so devoid of personal growth that it just reminds me what a miserable existence they are living.
I’m outgrowing some of my friends, and it makes me sad.
Or, try to fuck her.
The one that drives me absolutely batshit is people chewing with their mouths open. Makes me want to strangle them with my bare hands. I just can’t envision how someone’s parents failed so miserably that they think sounding like a cow chewing its cud is acceptable for any reason.
Rrrrgggg… I’m getting twitchy just imagining the noise.
I’m not skinny, however I am at a healthy weight and BMI for my medium-sized frame and broad hips. I could stand to lose another 5 pounds, maybe more. I’ve managed to whittle off nearly 10 annoying pounds so far, and to drop back down to my regular pants size.
I love food, cheesy and salty junk food especially. I’ve spent months carefully training myself to avoid the worst of it. I have to suck it up and eat wisely, as I don’t have the metabolism that I had in high school - but very few of us do!
A number of my coworkers are overweight. Anywhere from fairly overweight to medically obese. I try not to make any comments about what I eat, my weight, etc., around them because they’re dealing with worse struggles than I, but if it comes up, I don’t like hearing “What do you need to worry about?” or “Why are you trying to lose weight?” I’ve resorted to, “I’m too old to be ‘outgrowing’ my pants so it’s due to another reason.” Most women at least sympathize with not wanting to buy a whole new wardrobe.
For people without a faster metabolism, weight is something that needs work to avoid increasing, regardless of whether you’re considered medically ‘normal’ or ‘overweight.’
One got married 2 years ago, and still talks about her wedding, and has her wedding album on her desk at work, and shows it to all of her customers. :rolleyes: already, geez.
One picks his nose. In front of me.
All of this denial and self-destructiveness is part of why they call it an addiction.
It’s hard enough to find the motivation to quit smoking when you’re young, healthy, and feel good. Just think of how much harder it is to find the resolve to stop when you already know you’ve given yourself a terminal illness (even though emphysema’s decline can be slowed down if the person stops smoking, they WILL still die of it eventually…just more slowly).
If this person used to be a good friend, try to remember that person is still there underneath these issues. Not everyone who has a terminal illness is a saint. Sometimes instead of suffering with dignity and nobility they do become a bit self-centered and difficult to deal with in the process of grieving. I’ve always felt that friendship does sometimes require that one person carries more of the load at certain times because the other person isn’t able to pull their share of the weight for a while.
Anyway, that’s a ery sad story and my sympathies to both of you.
Well, I don’t have too many friends and I never have.
But at this stage in my life, I have a long list of FORMER friends.
1> I always had to make contact, I always had to go to his house. When I moved 10 blocks away, I think he visited my house maybe three times for social reasons in 8 years. He visited more often after he moved 30 miles away. Hated to use the phone, very seldom answered or returned calls, constantly complained about all the friends he’d lost touch with because they no longer called him. Didn’t grok the connection even when pointed out to him, just whined about how much he hated the phone. Started getting adle-brained around the age of 40 and would do things like walk away from me while speaking, go to the bathroom upstairs (where I could hear him still talking the entire time), then come back downstairs still in the middle of his story - then say “you know what I mean?” No, I don’t. I can’t hear you when you’re in the bathroom on a different floor. Lost the ability to listen to others. Probably still doesn’t understand why I broke off contact.
2> A couple. Had Kids, got extremely arrogant and self-righteous. Allowed their kids and dogs to abuse me and my property, repeatedly accused me of hitting their kids and dogs without cause. Would show up to other people’s “no children” parties with their kids in tow, because of course, the rules don’t apply to them. Selfish, demanding, arrogant. Gone.
3> Recent. The Neutrotic Excuse Machine. Hated turning left at traffic lights, so he’d drive twice the distance to try to avoid it; which is of course, not entirely possible. Was utterly paralized into inaction in all aspects of his life for fear of making a mistake. I had to break it off because I couldn’t keep listening to excuses why he couldn’t do the most basic things in life.
4> Also Recent. Mr. Chaos. Unable to communicate, unable to keep appointments, changing his mind constantly with no warning or communication. Undependable. Hey, if it works for you, great. But I don’t want to keep trying to change my life around to deal with the chaos.
We are good friends with another couple. Unfortunately, I’m starting to dread going to their house. It’s a very nice house. Well cared for, comfortable. But every time we go to their house, the conversation turns to their pet birds. Every darn time. Sorry, but I just don’t care if your birds are all cozy with each other, that they have tried to procreate but “haven’t gotten it right”. I really don’t want your birds climbing up my pant legs and pooping on me. I don’t enjoy having to talk loudly, to be heard over the radio you leave playing for them. I don’t need to hear yet again how the male starting acting neurotically after he stayed at your mom’s.
I JUST DON’T CARE.
Ditto on that. In my book, it’s not OK to dis one’s ex either. I understand that people break up for various reasons, and I have not one, but two shoulders to cry on. But to constantly whine about “that harpy” or “that cheating scumbag” says more about you than about them.
People who cannot leave their homes without tossing the place to find their keys. It sucks when I’m ready to go and you have to look under every cushion in the place. Get a system.
The one that wants to get together. Picks the day. Plans it. Then bails the day before.
The one that says they are your closest friend, yet you find out everything that goes on in their life third hand or weeks later. Tends to make me question the friendship all together because if they were your “close friend” wouldn’t you except them to tell you when something happens?
Say I did something awesome this weekend… I have a friend that did it better or knows someone that did it better.
I have unknowingly needed this thread for SO long.
Semi-close friend. Husband of really good friend. He is 100% deaf in one ear, 80% deaf in the other. WON"T LISTEN. We’ve done surreptitious testing, in conversational situations, of what he can and cannot hear, and he can hear quite a bit. But if you are talking to him, in a quiet room, just the two of you, he will ignore the living daylights out of you. Because he “couldn’t hear you”. I have fully Deaf friends, Deaf and deaf and no hearing aids, who can converse better than him. He just doesn’t care what you think and will blame his disability, rather than his personality.
Also, same friend, irritating slang. He is the only person I have ever heard say these things, and they make me want to strangle him:
“Shutty” (with fingers shutting to thumb motion) for “shut up” or “quiet” or “I disagree with you” (never used just once, its always “shutty, shutty, shutty”, with hand motion each time)
“Nessa” for necessary, as in “thats not nessa” if he thinks we don’t need to do something. Besides reminding me very weirdly, every time, of a small cute blonde bisexual easy girl from high school, he is rarely right in his meaning. Eating dinner may not be said small cute blonde bisexual easy girl, but it is necessary. Especially when you invited us over to eat, but got sidetracked with a video game and its now 2 hours past dinner time.
And I’m okay with that, mostly.
My wife and I hang out with a couple like that. We like them, but they are never on time for anything. We still hang out with them, but have changed the arrangements.
If we’re going to see a movie, we’ll meet at the movie theater in the actual movie. My wife and I will go in and get a good seat, then I’ll call them and tell them about where we’re sitting. If they show up before the movie starts - great! If not, they can find us when they get there. I refuse to let their tardiness effect me.
Same deal if we’re going out to dinner. We won’t wait for them to pick us up or go over to their house and wait if we’re driving. We’ll just tell them a time, and go to the restuarant ourselves. We’ll get drinks and wait if we’re not starving. If either of us are really hungry, we’ll go ahead and order.
It seems to be working out well.
Well, I choose few friends. With a busy family life, two or three jobs - I don’t have time to waste on those who can’t accept me for who I am and understand my limited availability.
I’m pretty forgiving of my friend’s idiosynchracies. We all have our faults. Typically, I will find it less annoying and more humorous. I try to be nice to my real friends and forgive their faults, cuz lawd knows I ain’t perfect -, but not those that are “friends” in the sense I’m useful when they can use me, and never around when I need them.
I’m not here to pit my friends - I cherish them, and are glad they think the same of me.
/Just wanted to throw in my sappy .02