I once worked for a retired Lt Col. He was short, chubby, and looked like one of the seven dwarves. He could also chase off rabid wolf packs just by staring at them. His shout was very nearly pants-wetting. He wasn’t ill tempered or a hard boss. But he was the most intimidating man I’ve ever met.
Back To The OP
Today, somebody I just met described me as a cross between Carrot Top and Emo Philips. I think he was referring to my behavior. The image of hybrid of those two men is not something I’d want to look like.
A few months ago I pulled out of a medical crisis, including a three-week coma where I was expected to die at any moment. All of my organs except my heart had collapsed, and my family were gathered round, waiting for the inevitable. They were told I had a 1% chance of surviving.
I pulled out of it, and was called “a miracle” several times by the medical staff.
This astonishes me, because I’ve spent the better part of twenty years wanting to die, but not wanting to hurt my loved ones by committing suicide.
I still don’t understand why I’m still here, and have spent the past few months trying to figure it out.
Shrinking Violet, I hope your discovery was a pleasant surprise. Some people find answers to the “why I’m here” question, some devise a reason; some wing it, some give up asking; and still others don’t find an “it” until they’re really old. I hope you enjoy your journey.
I’ve never thought of myself as “intimidating” big/ (I’m 6’ 200lbs work out regularly)
Sometimes friends or somebody will make a joke at my expense (a harmless one at that). I’ve got shitty hearing so alot of times when this happens I have to ask them: “Huh? What was that again?” to which they will respond “Oh hey man, sorry. I was just kidding…”
This makes my head want to explode because I’m NOT saying it as a challenge as in: “I dare you to say that again” but rather “Hey, you made a funny and I want to know what it is so I can join in on the laugh!” Hell, I’m a good sport. I can take a joke, even if it is at my own expense.
Then there are guys who are always saying: “I don’t want to get on your bad side…blah, blah, blah”
Which, again, is frustrating because I’m just NOT the kind of guy that gets into fist fights. Why the hell do people think that about me??
I have also realized over the past few years just how truly self-centered I am. You may notice that almost every sentence in my posts has “I” or “me” in it. Not a pleasant (me) discovery.
You’re right - the idea that I must be here “for a reason” excites me, and is one of the reasons I’ve rejoined the SDMB after a lapse of 18 months … I don’t have a lot of “real world” contact due to being housebound, and the people here are the most vibrant I’ve found anywhere on the Net.
That, at the age of 26 (married, mortgaged, and newly-mommied), I am an adult, regardless of whether I “feel” like one or not. So maybe I should start acting like one!
Just recently my twin sister informed me that she felt my personality was larger than hers, and that growing up, I influenced her a great more than she felt she did me. The way she said it made me feel defensive, like she was saying I was bossy or mean or attention-whoring. So I asked my mother what she thought and she basically echoed what my sister had said, bringing up examples and everything.
I had to concede that they were right. But I started seeing it more as a neutral personality difference between my sister and me more than a Bad Thing.
Shortly afterwards, another sister told me that I was the black sheep in the family, the one that everyone worried about not succeeding in life, the one who didn’t come out “quite right” compared to the other kids. I didn’t know this was how my own family sees me, and it stung (stings) a lot. Ever since she told me this, I’ve been waiting for some big confession from my parents, like they are witholding information about my health or something.
Monstro
I hope things work out for you, my mom and her twin went through almost exactly the same thing but fortunately they worked it out before my mom passed away.
I’ve been told that I am scary, too. Certainly I am not physically intimidating, I think that maybe what I consider to be my “wry” sense of humor comes off as sarcastic or even downright hostile. I’ve since tried to temper my remarks a bit.
Another revelation I learned about 15 years ago: one of my shoulders is higher than the other. It was always this way but unoticable until the passage of time and gravity sort of took their toll. No wonder I’ve never been able to wear strapless bras!
I don’t think my sister was saying that the family still worries about me, only that they USED to worry about me. Like, before I graduated from college.
She actually said that me driving a U-Haul all by myself from New Jersey to Miami convinced her that I was going to be alright in life. Not earning a PhD or getting published in peer-reviewed journals or getting my first “real” job. But driving a truck!
As far as my mother is concerned the most impressive thing I’ve ever done is own a red sports car, and fly a plane. It’s odd what the 'rents will get het up about, huh?
Heh - get your 38-yr-old, long-married self pregnant. All of a sudden I’m “somebody” in their eyes, now that I’m a mommy.
My list of recent revelations is rather lengthy, due to this change in trajectory; I’m both more and less than I’d hoped. Which is in itself interesting.
