I realize we’ve had a few threads in this vein lately, but maybe this one’s different enough.
I was reading this thread, was about to reply, and decided not to hijack it with my own question, which stems from a slightly different situation than that of the OP. In that other thread, Gundy is discussing how to raise kids without religion.
I am an atheist. My SO of over a year is on his way to becoming a minister and, eventually, a professor of religious studies. This doesn’t cause any problems whatsoever between us – we both respect each other’s beliefs (though sometimes we get mildly confused – i.e. “You mean there’s an entire holy week? You gave up what?”).
I’m just dreading what will happen when we have kids. What do you teach them about morality and religion, when their father is a minister and their mother is an atheist? What would be the best way to deal with the issue? Did any of you grow up in or raise children in a similar situation? Is there the potential for a lighthearted pair of vanity license plates pertaining to the issue (um…you don’t have to answer that)? Is this situation not as difficult as I forsee it to be?
Maybe I can help a little. I am a minister’s kid. Well actually my father is more of a theologian. In other words my father is extremely opened minded and believes everyone needs to find their own path. My mother on the other hand is a bona fide Bible Thumper. I love my mom, but her religious views make my head spin. The shear blind ignorance drove me nuts. In fact it drove me to atheism or agnostic more like it. I did my “research” and decided that a highly intelligent person of logical thinking, could not possibly conceive of a god. Well I’m no longer an agnostic, I looked up something called the Anthropic Principle, and other various other reasons too long to post here. I have accepted Christ in my life, I’m a Christian…yadda yadda…that’s not the point. Basically I was smart enough, and had the resources available to compare my spiritual options and make my own evaluations of life, universe, and everything. Make sure your children get exposure to both your views and your husbands. They will draw their own judgements as time goes on. Provide them with infinite support and resources. My father did this for me, and I’m am much stronger in my faith because of it. Your children may draw opposite ideas and become atheistic heathens (I’m joking ) I don;t think this situation will be very difficult. What will happen is you will put some very informed an unique individuals into this world, something it needs. Hope this helps some.
IMO, and from what I’ve seen, having split-belief parents usually produces unbelieving children. The contrast, I think, is just too startling.
Not that this will help, but I grew up in a house where both parents weren’t very religious (non-practicing). My mom tried to take us to Catholic churches when we were little kids, but it didn’t take. Then she tried taking us to a unitarian church, which was probably a good approach, but even that didn’t take. Four of us kids, and not a one walked away any closer to believing… after years of going to unitarian church. This is because we didn’t have it in our home life. I think you’ll have to make a choice for the sake of your children. Practice (even if it’s just going through the motions) with your husband in order to present a unified front, or keep it separate, so the kids see Dad doing something relatively crazy as compared to you.
I have nothing to back this up, but I’d be willing to bet that those parents who raise kids with the “here’s what you need to know, now go make your own decision” philosophy wind up with agnostic or atheist kids. So if you decide on that route, tell your husband not to expect any miracles.
I dunno. My dad’s an atheist, my mom’s non-practicing Catholic - and three of their four children are believers, with one actively practicing Christianity - without any indoctrination. Go fig.
I’m an atheist and my husband is a Catholic. Before our children were born we agreed that they would be baptised, taken to church, and confirmed. My position is that I have no problem with them learning about most Christian philosophy and that the church community is basically a postive one, if you choose the right church. I don’t believe in the divinity of Jesus, but have no problem with the majority of the teachings attributed to him.
Eventually the kids will have to confront the fact that Mommy doesn’t take communion and has no plans to do so in the future. They’ll also certainly hear that my opinions about divorce, birth control, reproductive rights, homosexuality, and the role of women in society differ distinctly from those of the Catholic Church. What they believe when they are old enough to decide is their own business.
For the record, my father is a minister and my mother is (I assume)a Christian. They don’t know that I’m an atheist. As far as I know, my husband is the only one who does know(appart from you people), and I’m not sure he quite believes it. I don’t generally tell people because it’s none of their business, but the only way to keep many people from trying to make it their business is to keep quiet about it.
You never know what’s going to happen. My mother was a Cathloic, my father was an agnostic, but he respected the idea that there might be a God enough to let our mother raise us with religion.
My sisters and I grew up believing and married spouses who also believed. And yet my oldest accepts some form of a God, but nothing more concrete than that.
The question is will you allow your SO to raise them in a religious atmosphere (you know, go to church, go to Sunday school) or will you insist that the children have a strictly secular upbringing? Will you teach them that other views and values should be treated respectfully, or that those people are simply wrong?
) I don;t think this situation will be very difficult. What will happen is you will put some very informed an unique individuals into this world, something it needs. Hope this helps some.