There are several things going on in my life right now that are causing me to consider this radical change.
First is my job. I work for a company that sells and distributes Wagon Wheels. (Figuratively speaking) We actually make a pretty damn good wagon wheel, but the problem is that it’s obsolete. Nobody wants it. I’ve been pressing for a few years that we need to branch out into other areas to no avail. Now they have decided to market a product that will be in direct competition with two huge nationwide corporations. I just don’t see it happening (especially in this economy) and feel like the writing is on the wall, so to speak.
Next is my kids. All 3 are grown and gone, the youngest will be entering her last year in college. (On Scholarship! ) For the first time in more years than I care to remember, there is nobody relying on me. I am also finding myself getting very lonely here, especially at night. I still can’t get used to the idea of me being the only one here.
Third is my parents. They are getting too old to take care of their property. Especially my dad. Talking to him a few nights ago I could almost hear the tears in his eyes as he told me they were going to have to sell and move somewhere smaller.
Now here’s what I’m thinking. My parents live about 40 miles from a major university and they need help. I could give them that help plus do something I’ve always wanted to do but never could. Finish College!!!
I have one year under my belt. Of course, that was over 20 years ago so it would probably be a good idea to start all over. My parents and I have an excellent relationship. My mom has actually begged me to move back home several times since my wife left in 2000. I have always refused, not because of animosity, but because of pride.
I also have a fairly good sized nest egg built up, enough so that over a 4 year stretch I won’t have to worry about money.
I realize that this would be a major, major change in my life. I’m seeking input and advice here. What would going to college at 41 years old be like? Moving back in with my parents? Is it even a good idea?
Either one of those would be a major change. Both together? I’d really think hard about it. If you’re caring for your parents or their property, that could become a full-time job. (I’m imagining a farm here, but I could be wrong.)
And I’m concerned about the distanace between your parents’ place and the university as well. That’s an hour commute by car there and back, an hour every day if you live full-time at your parents’. Half the advantage of being on or near campus is being able to do things like make spur-of-the-moment trips to the lab or library. Mind you, having a car and living an hour away is a lot better than living an hour away by bus…
I think it you could do it. My wife (almost 30) recently went back to school and got her masters. We lived approximately 20 miles from the nearest university and we have three children all under the age of 9.
If we can do it so can you.
In regards to your parents and their property all I can say is to set up certain boundaries so they know what you want in this new situation as well.
I for one applaud your ambition and think you should go for it! Yes, it will be taxing and probably very difficult at times, but both furthering your education and helping out your folks are VERY laudable goals, and well worth the effort on almost any level.
Besides, if you raised three kids, you’ve already done the hardest thing on the planet, so this is certainly within your abilities.
My only advice is to really do your homework on what major you want to pursue, especially in this economy. Now, your OP doesn’t describe whether you’re going back to school to further/change your career, or just for self-fulfillment, or some combination thereof, so it may not matter, but if I were you, I’d try to maximize your career opportunities by choosing a good field to go into.
Spoons went back to law school as a mature student, and I’m sure there are others on the boards. They might be good to ask about going back on one’s forties.
I went back to art school at age 29, and even then felt a large cultural gap between myself and the bulk of the students, who were in their late teens or early twenties. This didn’t stop me from actually hooking up with someone (much to my surprise), but I can only imagine that the cultural differences would be much greater at age 41.
Edit: by no means am I saying that it’s a bad idea or trying to discourage you!
Do it! I’m over 40, taking care of my mom and back at school after raising my kids. It’s hard but you can pull it off.
Not having to work will help a lot, having the support of your family will be very important. You’ll have to factor in what kind of support your parents need from you, but don’t discount what they’ll be doing for you in return. Even setting a plate of dinner down on the table next to your textbook while you’re cramming for an exam will be a gift.
Reading your post makes me think you’ve been a single parent to three kids (right?) which means you deserve to get started on something for yourself.
I am definitely pro education. My own route to a degree was not four straight years.
As long as you won’t need to take on debt to do it I say go for it.
One of my favorite people in the whole world is my ex-husband’s grandma. She finished her degree when she was 81. She was inspiring.
As for moving in with your parents, that’s something only you have enough information to judge. When you go for a visit do you drive away thinking “that was fun”, or “thank heaven that’s over”?
Do it. I had a two-year Associate Degree from a technical college and then took other night school courses before I moved 700 miles away (south). 24 years later I enrolled in a “distance education” night school program and got my BA after 3 years (aced every course except for one B). Got laid off 2 years later but started work 100 miles away the next day in a job that I could not have gotten without a 4-year degree. My “distance ed” was an outreach night school program in a medium sized city run by a college whose main campus was 100 miles away. I went to the main campus only for graduation. A 40-mile commute will be a breeze.
You might look into a night school or a distance ed program if they are available and/or if you find fulltime days conflicting with other responsibilities. Best of luck with the folks. I had to manage my Mom going into assisted living and a nursing home, cleaning out and selling her home of 65 years.
What are you planning to study? I think whether this is a good idea or not depends largely on what you want to study (unless you have a large enough nest egg that it doesn’t really matter if you can get lucrative employment after college). I’d do a lot of research in your planned industry to make sure that there is a realistic likelihood of being able to break into the business at 45+.
Otehrwise, hey, go for it. College is a lot of fun, and it sounds like it’d be good for your parents too.
Thank you to all for the encouragement. The more I think about it, the more I want to do this!
You are imagining correctly. It is a farm, albeit a small one. It is also where I grew up, so I am very familiar with the workload involved in keeping the place running. I am estimating that it would take about 20 hours per week at the most to relieve dad of ALL of the back-breaking, heavy work. That’s at the most. At some times of the year, that number will drop to about 5 hours per week. (I wouldn’t dare take all of the work from him. You would have to know my dad to understand.)
You are correct. My ex-wife left in 2000 and hasn’t been a part of our lives since.
Well, I guess if I’m going to do this, what I’m planning on studying is the next logical question. At this time, I’m thinking of some sort of engineering, most likely mechanical or electrical. Any advice anyone has on this would be deeply appreciated.
Project management with an eye towards managing remote (i.e. “outsourced”) projects.
This is one area where “adult supervision” comes in handy, the demand is greater than the supply and the demand is likely to grow, and is applicable across broad swaths of diverse growth industries and pays well.
If you speak and read an additional language besides English, even better!
I say go for it. Mostly because I’m doing the same thing right now, and if this turns out to be a horrible mistake, I want to take someone down with me.
Of course it is possible, but what do you want to do? I went back to school in my mid 30’s to study Philosophy, I enjoyed it and got a good degree but it hasn’t furthered my career in any way. It did make me feel good about myself though. Perhaps someone with your life skills and experience should consider a pathway that would allow them to teach, is that something that would interest you?
If it’s what you want to do, if it’s an experience you want to have, then do it. What’s the alternative plan… wait until your next life to try it? Bzz! This is the only chance you’ll get!
Nobody knows how it will work out, or whether it will prove to be a good decision. You don’t know and neither does anyone else. The only way to find out is to try it. In the end it will prove to have been a good move or a learning experience, either of which is a good outcome (provided the ‘learning experience’ isn’t ruinous).
Depending on what those first year classes were, you might not need to redo them. Odds are good they were Gen Ed, which won’t change all that much. Get a transcript and see what the new school will take. I just finished an AA degree at the local community college, and since it wasn’t science related, they took pretty much all the credits I had from the first time I did college, way more years ago than yours. Use any credits you can get from that and anything you can test out of, and you might not need four years.
But however you do it, I’d say go for it. This past year was one of the best of my life.
I think going back to college is a fantastic idea, and one I’d personally jump at if I had the opportunity.
Moving back in with your parents, I’m not so sure about. They’re used to not having you’re around, you’re used to not having them around.
I’m not sure how common it is where you live, but my aunt and uncle built a self-contained extension to their house for my uncle’s mother to live in. Would something like that be feasible for you? That way, you’ve both got your own spaces, but you’re in very close proximity to each other.
I’ve just finished a two-year part-time program to get my teaching certificate. I’m 40. While I was doing this, I was working part-time at a kindergarten and had the usual responsibilities at home as a mother of two growing boys and as a wife. When I was thinking of doing this, I mentioned to a younger colleague that I’d be forty by the time I was finished, and he said: “Look, I know this is a cliche, but how old will you be in 2010 if you don’t go back to school?”
Do it. It will be hard, but most worthwhile things are.
(Now, anybody in the Oslo are need a good English teacher? :p)
Could you mix and match? It’s better for your parents to downsize now while they still can, and if they can downsize to somewhere close to the college, but with an extra room so you can stay with them, it’s win-win. Remember that you’re only going to be with them for a few years.
I’m going to suggest you ease into this rather than jump into it. It takes a little time to redevelop good study habits and readjust to doing 20 or 30 or more hours of homework every week.
Engineering degrees are heavily front-loaded with math and science courses, which are typically pre-requisites for the later engineering courses. If you already have some gen ed credits from your earlier schooling, you’re going to want to knock out the math and science as quickly as possible, and dropping or failing your first math course because you overloaded yourself will put you behind.
So I’d suggest picking up one or two night courses from a local community college before you jump into the deep end. Preferably something transferrable, and ideally (if you’re thinking engineering) a math course, but anything that forces you to study and retrain yourself.
) For the first time in more years than I care to remember, there is nobody relying on me. I am also finding myself getting very lonely here, especially at night. I still can’t get used to the idea of me being the only one here.
