This board ain't big enough for the both of us...

Satan · October 21, 1999, 8:01am

So I’m reading posts as usual, and what do I see? A new person! Well, that’s nice and all… We’re still around 997,000 short of a Teeming Million, so the more the merrier, right?

WRONG!

The name this newbie has chosen: The Devil!!!

:: Facing The Devil and scowling ::

Okay, Devil-dog, get this straight: I’M the evil entity on this board, you hear? I’ve been here longer, my .sig file is nicer, and it’s gonna take more than a name like The Devil to get an iota of respect out of the rest of the Dopers here. THEY know the score!! Why, some of them actually want to have SEX with me!

Yes, this amazes me too, but this shows you the kind of powerr you are dealing with here, bucko!

:: Turning to the rest of the board and smiling evangelistically ::

Friends, you know that I am THE real anti-Christ on this board. You have graciously allowed my evil ways into your hearts and minds. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried. It was the best of times, it was the yadda, yadda, yadda…

Heed my warning, Dirt Devil - The SDMB is MY domain (well, actually, it’s the Chicago Reader’s, but you know what I mean…) and if you think you can just march in here and think you’re gonna be the little red guy on every Dopers left shoulder, in the words of Judas Priest, you’ve got another thing coming!

I expect you to bow to me soon and bask in my anti-Glory very soon, chum. Only THEN, might I allow you to lick my cloven hoofs!!!

(And despite the fact that my .sig file kinda whimps out the previous proceedings, ah what the HELL…)

Yer pal,
Satan

Byzantine · October 21, 1999, 8:11am

Evil embodied? By just your NAME? Have you checked out the definition of MINE? Blow me, both of you! Evil is in the heart, not the name!

Temujin · October 21, 1999, 9:21am

You’re right. One is enough!

C_K_Dexter_Haven · October 21, 1999, 11:49am

“There can be only one.” – St Thomas Aquinas, on the existence of the anti-Christ

What say a duel? Pitchforks and sulphur at 10 paces?

Mullinator · October 21, 1999, 1:13pm

I always thought the little red guy on my shoulder was just a tiny, hacked off Santa Claus. Wow, that really changes things.

Why yes, I am pretty fly for a white guy.

Globe-trotter · October 21, 1999, 1:18pm

Now all we need is a Belzebub (sp) and you guys can have a threesome.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Missy2U · October 21, 1999, 1:48pm

Mull - you see him too? Thank goodness - I thought I was the only one…

Mullinator · October 21, 1999, 2:07pm

Yeah Missy, sounds like we are in the same boat. I thought it was Santa saying “ho ho ho”, but if it is truly Satan maybe he was just telling me to find a prostitute. somewhere.
Elves=minions
Reindeer=hellhounds
This explains all of those pitchforks I got for Christmas as a kid.

UncleBeer · October 21, 1999, 3:17pm

We’ve all got a little malignity in our souls. To acquire this much immorality we probably need several dark lords. I believe all the screen names below are still available.

Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Mammon, Moloch, Diabolus, Azazel, Ahriman, Eblis, Belial, Baal, Samael, Abaddon, Apollyon, Lucifer, Mephistopheles

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

Coldfire · October 21, 1999, 3:19pm

Hotfire is also available, I think.

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

andros · October 21, 1999, 3:37pm

We also have room for a False Prophet . . .

andros · October 21, 1999, 3:37pm

We also have room for a False Prophet . . .

Ukulele_Ike · October 21, 1999, 3:38pm

Don’t forget Old Scratch.

– Uke, a New Englander at heart

Peter_North · October 21, 1999, 3:39pm

>“There can be only one.” – St Thomas >Aquinas, on the existence of the anti-Christ

or Connor MacLeod…

“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.” (Ken Olsen, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977)

Rodd_Hill · October 21, 1999, 3:47pm

And, of course, if the Horned One, or Old Hobb, were from, say Alabama, he would be called “Beelzebubba.”

Dirty_Devil · October 21, 1999, 3:55pm

Hey Satan, you gotta’ problem with me, too?

Satan · October 22, 1999, 5:40am

No, Dirty Devil. You are not attempting to pass yourself off as The Devil. There’s a huge distinction in my good book…

Hey, Red Devil Potted Meat! Yeah, you! You have yet to respond to my demand for immediate groveling! C’mon, faux-fiend, show me what you got!

Ukulele_Ike · October 21, 1999, 6:58pm

OKAY sports fans! REFRESHMENTS here!

Get 'em afore the battle royale starts!
Getcher deviled eggs! Deviled-ham sandwiches! I gotcher devil’s food cake! Deviled crab! Red hots!

krish · October 21, 1999, 8:01pm

Satan,

Show us some of this guy’s posts. He currently has three, but the search tool doesn’t show any of them (I hate that thing!)

andros · October 21, 1999, 8:37pm

this is from the “Tipping” thread:

               When the tips don't meet up to atleast minimum wage restaurants are forced to
               supplement the standard $2.13/hr . Some restaurants view this as stealing and will
               fire the server.
               If you don't have the money to tip properly don't eat at those type of restaurants.
               There is a lot that goes into being a server at many restaurants. (From learning a
               menu inside and out to buying uniforms at time you really don't have the money to,
               and last but not least tipping out[being forced to give 2-5% percent of your sales
               to the kitchen and bar].) If you do get a good server and tip them bad (they
               remember ), you also make them a bad server for the next table, on the other
               hand if you tip well (they remember ) and you had the opportunity to make some
               one, who is working harder than you think, very happy.
               Hey think of it this way that person could be on welfare stealing your money, but
               maybe you like that?
               The worst tippers-- culturly ignorant people and jerks.
               -----I have lived a thousand lives and had a million jobs.

Followed by a lovely sarcasm-dripping tidbit from pldennison.