This Book . . . Tremor . . . (Bored of the Rings)

Although I fully expect this to sink like Goddam in the ZaSu Pits,* there was more discussion in these threads about Bored of the Rings than I would have expected.** A cursory assessment of the SDMB does not indicate that this milestone in epic literature has ever been graced with its own thread, so it’s high time the situation was rectified. Open to any and all commentary and opinion, as well as questions from those who have never been exposed to its myriad charms.***

One obvious topic to get things started, when are the powers-that-be in the entertainment industry get over this obsession with lightweights like C S Lewis and Jane Austen, and commit BotR to film? Along the same train of thought, how would you cast it? From what little I can glean from the LotR extras, I get the impression that absent contract constraints, Ian McKellen and John Rhys-Davies might be amenable to doing their counterpart characters (“Back, vile hoopster!” “. . . for it’s better to go with one’s codpiece buttoned.”); any others? And who should play the pivotal character of Tim Benzedrine?

Your turn . . . and remember, our libel laws are loosely enforced.

  • Yes, I know it wasn’t really the ZaSu Pits. Gimme a break, whyn’tcha?
    ** i.e, none.
    *** If you are in this group, I strongly recommend prophylaxis both before and after.

I remember being impressed by the line, “Pity stayed his hand. It’s a pity I’ve run out of bullets,” but I didn’t manage to make it the whole way through.

*“Silence,” commanded Goodgulf in a loud voice. “Speak not of the Great Ring here or anywhere. If Sorhed’s spies discovered that you, Frito Bugger, hailing from the Sty, had the One Ring, all would be lost. And his spies are everywhere. The Nine Black Riders are abroad again, and there are those who claim to have seen the Seven Santinis, the Six Danger Signs, and the entire Trapp family, including the dog. Even the walls have ears,” he said, pointing to two huge lobes which were protruding from behind the mantelpiece.

“Is there no hope?” gasped Frito. “Is nowhere safe?”

“Who can know?” said Goodgulf, and a shadow seemed to pass over his face. “I would say more,” he said, “but a shadow seems to have passed over my face,” and with that he fell strangely silent.*

I always prefered this version to the original, which was so…dull.

The only way I was able to finish Lord of the Rings (the first book I ever picked up and didn’t finish) was by buying a copy of Bored of the Rings, stapling it into a bag, and promising I wouldn’t open it until I finished the trilogy. In other words, I read LOTR to understand all the jokes in BOTR.

It is one of the greatest literary parodies ever.

“Five nine is your height and 180’s your weight/You’ll cash in your chips about page 88.”

As for a movie – not likely. It wouldn’t translate well to the screen, and, judging by the state of screen parody these days, it would end up looking like Epic Movie and the other reference films.

I dunno about the movie version of BOTR. I mean, the book was kinda, well, Intellectual - wasn’t it?

More seriously (hah!), could you find a director who’d be able to bring in the pregnant carrots without making it look too silly? Hmm…

…Paris Hilton has got to fit in there somewhere…

I think it reads like it was written by college kids who think they’re funny, but don’t actually understand the art of parody.

Dirty Scrabble jokes aside, I enjoyed the parody when I first read it back around 1978 or 1979, but don’t you think a lot of the humor is dated at this point?

I tried re-reading it recently and it was not worth the effort.


BOTR is best taken in small doses. But in those small doses it has been known to cause certain people (me) to curl up and whimper in laughter like nothing else can.

(“Bored” leaves out the Scouring. So does Jackson’s version. Coincidence?)

“An elven maid there was of old,
a stenographer by day
Her hair was fake, her teeth were gold,
her scent of cheap sachet”

Most memorable!

Also see: Aulde Elvish, a scholarly tome on the languages found in BOTR.

I found that mass quantities of ganja improved the humor.

Argle Bargle Morple Whoosh!!

I tried to read it several years ago, but couldn’t get through it. Maybe it was the “dated” part–I remember noticing that–but also it was just heavy going.

Think of Mel Brooks making a sequel to Spaceballs and it would be BotR. The main characters are Frito and Dildo!

Remember the bit in Hitchhiker when to stop the poetry Grunthos’ “major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain”? That’s what watching a BotR movie would do to humanity.

On second thought, make it.

I love BoTR - it’s one of my favorite gifts to friends - but it is heavily burdened with gags and puns which only work within the late 60s timeframe in which it was written. To make a movie of it today would require a major update. And, in the process, they doubtless would muck it up.

I think it would work best as an animated short.

“Tim, Tim Benzedrine!
Hash, Boo, Valvoline!
First, second, neutral, park,
Hie thee hence, you leafy narc!”

That and eyes like baseballs made of lean bacon–damn, that’s some funny shite!

Also, during the scene with the Balrog in FOTR I leaned over to the SO and whispered “dribble, shoot, dribble, dribble, fake, shoot!” and he was whispering the same thing to me!

BOTR? Naw, never read it… :smiley:

No, it must be a 36 hour epic, spanning across 172 DVDs available in 42 different box sets, each with unique cover art and content, so that anyone wishing to watch the whole thing has to go out and buy all the different sets (which will all be released at different times, with confusing announcements about them being the “complete” collection). Hey, it worked for Peter Jackson! :wink:

This ring, no other, was made by the elves
Who’d pawn their own mother to grab it themselves;
Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop
This is the sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The Power Almighty rests in this Lone Ring;
The power, alrighty, to do your own thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade;
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).

…No, can’t say I’ve ever read it, certainly not to the extent of being able from memory to correct Bromosel’s vital stats to “five-eleven” and “one-ninety”. :smiley:

The first time I finished the trilogy I was terribly depressed (as only a 16 year old can wallow in angsty depression) to not be in that world anymore, and I came across BOTR in a bookstore. It absolutely cured me, and my mother was happy to see me giggling in my chair as I read it.

Not to be a putz, OttoDaFe, but Bored of the Rings DID make an appearance in the lengthy thread on Aragorn and the Ring. :wink: Indeed, I quoted the above bit about the Thesaurus, which remains my favorite line in the whole book. Today’s kids wouldn’t understand it, sadly, since modern Thesauri don’t use the old format. :frowning:

And SmartAleq, I soooooooooo was doing the same thing!!! <lol>

Honi soit la vache qui rit!
Honi soit la vache qui rit!

No, never have read it, wouldn’t encourage anyone else to read it. Nope. Not me. Uh uh. :smiley:

BoTR is one of the great works of literature. Or, at any rate, it’s good stuff. I still spout semi-random quotes from it on occasion, some of which have already been mentioned.

I also remember a time in my college days when – geek alert! – I went through a BoTR D&D session with some friends. It was loads of fun.

“Aiyee! A ballhog!”