Hey, the packs things works both ways. Who says I won’t have a pack of asshunters? You might know the joys of being assfucked nonconsentually by like 15 of my sweaty mouth-breathers. 
Can I get one of those really cool post-apocalypse gurkha knife thingies you always see in the movies?? And a cool leather jacket and a mohawk??
-XT
Pfff, you can have that sissy shaman gig. I am the High Priest of Warrior Cult, and I’ll send to you to whatever gods you wish.
Hey, there’s no civilization, you don’t need permission!
I’ll definitely sport a mohawk. But rather than running front to back, mine will run from ear to ear.
My theory is I will be like those lizards with the skin flaps. It will make me much more scary and intimidating…
Dude, don’t harsh my… I mean, the spirits are all, like, restless and shit. The war will be lost and you warriors won’t… won’t… what was I saying ? Oooh, mammoth jerky, gimme !
And all 15 of them still have to sleep sometime. A lung shot with some arrows should keep the guards too busy gagging on their own blood to sound the alarm. The rest can wake up tied to the ground near a fire ant hole with sugar cubes rammed up their ass, and down the hole where their sex organs used to be.
Don’t want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords
I make it clear
That no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here*
Louis Prima had the right notion.
*from Civilization, not a notably politically correct song.
Moss then. Or… sand?
No phones, no lights, no motorcars
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
As primitive as can be
We’re spending most our entire lives
In this Amish Paradise
By Weird Al
Let me be the first to say…
No way in hell!
I thought this was the ‘bongo bongo bongo I don’t wanna leave the Congo’ song from Fallout. Was it in Civ as well??
-XT
All the known world shall tremble at Male Pattern Baldness Man!
I think he means that it will run from ear to ear over the top of his head, not around the back like Bozo. Although, many people are afraid of clowns, maybe that’s the scary and intimidation he’s referring to?
Yup, I got what he meant. I just think there’s a reason you never see anyone with that haircut.
It’s very absorbent!
Plus, it would be like an anti-rape kit. No one would rape you if they thought they would wear off the skin of their diddlers.
And for when you actually want sex… well, there’ll be a cleansing ritual that will be kinda lake foreplay.
Still no?
Moss, then.
Yes, but devices of this sort need to be a cohesive whole so that you can easily replace them when they get soaked.
Clearly, you’re not thinking creatively enough in terms of orifices. I’m sure **mswas **has a suggestion or two.
Emphasis added. Heh.
Oops, like foreplay.
Otherwise… more orifices, more sand!
Well, there won’t be any running water, so you were probably more accurate than you know.
Rivers, there will be rivers. Best to live upstream so you can shit and piss on those downstream lowlifes.