My worst experience in a dorm involved the Psycho Roommate From Hell, known hereafter as Nutwack and the reign of stalking, harassment, death threats, fire alarms, crackheads and ‘gangstas’ that followed.
You see, Nutwack was an only child who as a late-accepted freshman didn’t get a good lottery number for dorm assignment. Nutwack’s only friends involved those who were interested in stealing things, putting copious amonuts of illegal substances into their bloodstream, and generally tormenting anyone who attempted to quash their lifestyle either by intent or accident.
The other roommates and I were sophomores who, due to some unfortunateness with another one of our intended roommates (her mother became extremely ill and she took a year off of school) were placed with a freshman as part of some university ‘outreach’ program or other in which these late-accepted freshmen were assigned to existing room arrangements.
When I arrived and she was there, stuff already unpacked, I thought ‘This is not one of the intended roommates, but oh well, how bad can it get?’ I claimed one of the four other beds that was not already taken, and settled in.
Within a week it became clear to those of us who were not Nutwack that we would be unable to listen to our choice of music, watch our choice of television, or use the telephone in the room without Nutwack throwing a temper tantrum more befitting a two year-old child than an 18 year-old semi-adult college student. She would become irate, throw things, stamp her feet, cry, scream, swear at us, and otherwise howl until something was done to appease her. We went to the RA who told us to ‘solve our own problems like adults’.
Within one month it became apparent that the never ending parade of strange and thieving ‘gangstas’ (self titled) were actually drug connections and booty calls. The four of us had a meeting with Nutwack and told her that criminal elements were not welcome in our home. Her ‘I live here too’ response was not sastisfactory, so we begain evasive maneuvers and went to the RD (RA’s boss) to attempt to solve the problem. Upon conferring with him, we were told that we would have to make due for the time being while campus housing attempted to find a new residence for Nutwack and that because we had no actual evidence of crimes, she could not be summarily evicted from campus housing.
Somewhere near the end of the second month, a very distraught friend needed some counseling long distance via telephone, and knowing that Nutwack was out doing whatever it was Nutwack did on weekends, I got on the telephone at 1:00 a.m. and began listening. at 1:15 a.m., Nutwack returned to the dorm and insisted that she needed to use the phone ASAP. I asked for 10 minutes to politely end the conversation with my friend and said I’d let her know the very minute I was off the phone.
Nutwack picked up her calling card and stormed out of the room saying ‘I’ll use the fucking payphone if it’s such a problem.’ Less than five minutes elapsed and Nutwack was back in the room screaming a litany of obscenity that would’ve made any drunken sailor blush his deepest rouge. Upon hearing this, the other roommates awoke and my friend hung up the phone. One of the other three ran to get the RA and the chaos was broken up when Nutwack bolted from the room.
Three days passed without hide or hair of Nutwack when suddenly in the middle of the night someone called our room. One of the roommates answered, and I was asked for by name. I answered the phone and was told in no uncertain terms that I had crossed the line, and that the other three were in the same boat I was. The caller recited our schedules, including the places and times we ate meals, and told us we ‘bitches were gonna get capped’.
We called the police, who reccommended that we immediately get an answering machine, screen our calls, not go out alone, and they began an investigation. They didn’t consider it a prank since the callers knew our names, described us, and knew where we took meals and what we ate.
At 8:00 a.m. Nutwack had still not returned, and I went to purchase an answering machine. By 8:30 it was installed. At 9:45 a.m., one of Nutwack’s friends called her and left this message on the machine:
“So, [Nutwack], would this answering machine be in like, response to some threatening phone call last night?”
Not a smart move on their part.
Nutwack was evicted before lunch, her things removed in the company of the police, and eventually the calls from people following the four of us stopped.
Of course this is also why I lived alone for the rest of college and refuse to have roommates again.
