I sent this out to a few friends a few days ago. Just to get it off my chest (and knowing that the sdmbljsnark jackals are going to have a field day with it) I now send it to you.
Dear Everyone,
I hope everyone doesn’t mind me sending out one big bulk e-mail about this but I really don’t feel like writing this whole mess out more than once.
We had a meeting with the social worker and psychologist at Bradley Hospital, the DCYF and the child advocate office this afternoon. Both Sean and Liam are showing some improvement in some areas and are about the same in the other. Sean’s behavioral issues have gone down but they tell us that his demeanor is usually one of profound sadness. Liam is about the same; he’s up and down as far as the eating issue goes. One day he’ll eat and the next day he’ll refuse to. He’s also still very hyperactive but they’re a little afraid to try him on any medication because it might cause his appetite to go down. So they’re going to try the tiniest dose of Clonadine that they can do (0.025mg) and see if it helps at all before they go anywhere else.
But they are going to go into Specialized Foster Care and they will no longer be together. This may happen sooner than we think. Someone from the Groden Center is supposed to come and do an assessment of them on Friday and they think they may already have a few foster families that might be able to take them in. We go to court next Thursday, the 3rd to have them placed under court care to be able to get this done and hopefully they will be able to get into a situation which will be more helpful for them. But that also might mean that within the next two weeks we have to go through telling Sean that he probably won’t be able to come home again. This is going to kill us.
Plus, this is probably going to be a major setback for Sean not only because of that, but because he doesn’t transition well. When he first went to Bradley, it was so bad that he was urinating and defecating on the floor. And this is going to be a much more major transistion for him so we all agreed that this was going to spike his behavioral issues off the chart and they might even have to start over from scratch after this is done.
The problem is going to be that once they are under court care, the court usually wants to look at options for permanent reunification (i.e. either of the kids coming back home) within a year. I don’t see any way that I’d be able to take care of either of them by myself because I have to work such bodacious hours and Robin doesn’t have the emotional stamina to deal with them (and other issues; more on that later.) Plus, they both need 24/7 supervision which neither of us can give. If that can’t happen, they have to look at other form of permanent placement and that usually means adoption. Which will mean we’ve lost them for good.
Robin was a wreck when we left the meeting. She’s going to have some major problems coming her way and I try to feel bad for her, but it’s tough to since I’ve been trying for the past two years to motivate her to get the financial help she needs. She just finally applied for SSI a month ago. But she’s not going to have Sean and Liam’s SSI to fall back on or my child support since all of that will go to the state from now on. So basically, she’s toast and she’s in a Catch-22 situation. She has a boyfriend (also named Patrick; go figure) who she is planning on marrying but he has a one time sexual molestation record in the past. So if she marries him, the courts probably will never let either of the kids back into the house. But if she doesn’t at least live with him, she’s not going to be able to afford to live. Besides the fact that her house is such a pit most of the time that I seriously feel uncomfortable with having either of the boys live there.
So, that’s where we are right now and anyway you look at it unless a miracle happens we’re probably going to lose both of the boys. MaryBeth is okay and she’s dealing with it okay, but I know inside there’s a lot of hurt that she hides and doesn’t let out. And I know deep in my heart that in the long run this is probably going to be best for them, but I’ve just had so much loss during the past year that I really don’t know how I’m going to handle it.
Love to all,
Patrick
