This is your captain speaking ...

Factual Questions
1

Having just set the world record for the most time in aircraft and laid over at airports, an SDMB question occurred to me.

I have never heard a commercial pilot who did not have that smooth, calm, casual, assured voice when they make their announcements to the passengers.

Are they taught this as part of their training? Or is it one of those unspoken deals, where they learn to talk like that when they join the fraternity, because that’s the way the fraternity talks?

Wouldn’t that stuttering pilot with the squeaky voice have a cause for action for being denied a job? If he’s out there, I’ve never heard him.

2

… I’m also convinced they all (well, the ones in the U.S. anyway) have fake Southern accents, because they think that is more soothing to the passengers.

3

Customer relations training seems to be mandatory for most reputable airlines…

http://www.j-pat.com/refer14.htm

4

I remember reading in “The Right Stuff” that every pilot copies Chuck Yeager (the guy who broke the sound barrier).

I don’t know if that is true but it sure sounds cool.

5

Check out Tom Wolfe, The Right Stuff, for his hypothesis.

6

The most soothing I’ve heard are the captains on British Airways. They all seemed to have a very sophisticated accent. They sound reel intelleegent to us Texans!

7

On a Delta flight I once had a pilot or copilot annnounce, as we were queued up to depart:

While this was said in the typical cockpit calm, reassuring voice, it did not necessarily come across as reassuring.

8

ShibbOleth, it may not have come across as reassuring, but it sure made me laugh :smiley:

[sub]But only while I’ve got both feet on the ground…[/sub]

9

I’m always amazed at how ill at ease people are on commercial flights. Probably the most calmly understated thing I’ve heard a pilot say on the intercom was “OK, stop decorating the insides of those helmets and put 'em back on. We’ll be on the LZ in thirty seconds.” Funny thing was, six out of ten of us actually did have puke in their helmets. I’ve had some rough rides on commercial airplanes, but nothing comes close to what an Army helicopter pilot can put you through without really trying. Of the several dozen times I’ve flown commercial, I was only concerned once, when I knew how bad the weather really was and noticed how desperately (for a DC-10, anyway) the pilot was maneuvering on climb-out after takeoff. We were the last flight out of Frankfurt International for two days; the storm we narrowly missed was probably the worst to hit central Europe in the 20th century (spring 1990). After we straightened out (flying ENE even though we were going to Dulles, so that we could get enough altitude to get over the worst of the storm), the pilot came over the intercom and said (in a slight drawl, of course) “Well folks, that was a bit hairy. We probably shouldn’t have taken off in that weather but now that we’re airborne and gaining altitude, everything’ll be all right.” I wasn’t too concerned but several other passengers turned green.

10

It’s definitely a cultivated mannerism, and it starts from the first private pilot lesson you get. There are good reasons for it, aside from calming the passengers. It helps calm the pilot, too! More importantly, it’s a lot easier to understand people on the radio when they speak in calm, measured cadences.

Then there’s the Yeager factor, which I think is real. It’s part of the whole culture of aviation that we should at all times stay calm and collected, even if the plane is going down.

Listen to a transcript of Flight 232, which crashed in Sioux City Iowa after an engine failure took out both the primary and backup hydraulic systems.

So here’s this pilot, Capt. Al Haynes, trying to bring this crippled airplane in for a landing. He has no flight controls at all, and is trying to steer by manipulating the engine throttles. The airplane is porpoising up and down like crazy, and can only turn in one direction. So to line it up for landing, he has to make circles that are timed precisely. And hit the runway at the point where the airplane is on the upward part of the porpoise. Any rational person would have to assume that death was imminent (and a number of people did die in that crash, but a lot survived simply because Haynes, his crew, and a deadheading pilot who helped out were superb).

Anyway, here is is trying to pull all this together, and the tower says, “You are cleared to land or any runway you choose.” Haynes comes on with that Yeager drawl and laughs, and says, “Oh, you want me to put it on a runway, huh?”

As Wolfe would say, Mr. Haynes had that aw-shucks, ever-lovin’, righteous stuff. He lived through the crash, and retired shortly thereafter.

11

Several years ago I read about a BA 747 that lost power and fell out of control for nearly 10,000 feet before the pilot regained control and levelled out. He came on the intercome afterward and apologized to the passengers for “That spot of bother a while ago.” Is that cool or what?

12

I concur with Sam Stone. It’s definitely taught in Private Pilot training. A friend of mine remarked the other day that I went into “radio announcer mode” when I keyed the mic to talk to the tower.

A great story appeared in one of the aviation magazines recently that included what has to be one of the classic radio transmissions:

On a windy day, an air traffic controller was monitoring an Aircoupe landing in a strong crosswind. The pilot sounded like an old man, and that particular airplane was known to be difficult to handle in crosswinds.

As the plane came down to the runway, it’s downwind wing contacted the runway, sending the plane into a cartwheel. After flipping over several times it came to a halt upside down on the side of the runway.

After dispatching the emergency crews to the scene, the controllers heard the pilot key the mic and say, “You guys want to see me do that again?”

13

The “keep a calm voice at all times” training definitely starts with the very first flight lesson. Aside from all of the above reasons - clarity of radio transmission, keeping the pilot calm, tradition, etc - a calm-sounding pilot helps keep the passengers calm. This is important. Imagine handling an emergency and trying to stave off imminent death while the people around you are having hysterics, weeping, puking, screaming, and so forth… very distracting.

I was on one commercial flight where the pilot’s voice did betray anxiety - and it was at that point that people panicked. Would have been much better if he had not said anything, really. Between smacking into something on take-off, the flaming engine, and other manifestations of Something Is Wrong Here we already knew the situation was serious, but up until the point the pilot used his I’m-about-to-piss-my-pants voice we were all sitting quietly awaiting our fate.

A calm voice really does help the guy next to you. A couple weeks ago I was flying home in an airplane with a dead alternator, a friend about halfway through his flight training along to practice his navigation and radio skills. Well, nothing electrical on the plane was working - no radios, no lights (but we were daytime, so not a problem), no navigation equipment - just the “how fast” and “how high” and “which direction” instruments working. Well, my friend is going over the “dead alternator” checklist while I keep flying and he says

“Hey, the electric fuel pump isn’t working!”

I say “That’s OK - we still have the engine-driven one.”

“But” - sounds of fear and anxiety, seat fidgeting, and other signs of potential Freaked Out Passenger " - what if that one quits working?"

“In that case” I say in a very clam, very matter of fact voice “Tighten your seatbelt, we’ll be landing about 5 minutes later.”

“Oh” he said, calming down “I guess so.”

Actually, we got home safe and sound with no further problems.

14

From the point of this white-knuckle flier it’s because, even though I know why planes stay up there (the whole Bernoulli thing, & that it’s actually obeying and not defying laws of physics[sup]1[/sup]) it still looks like magic, which I don’t trust.

Was on a plane once, one of those ‘VW with wings’ jobs, which had me nervous to begin with, and the pilot was doing his speech: “We’ll be cruising at an altitude of–oh SHIT!” Clunk of mic off. Plane continued to fly straight and level. Mic never came back on. I still don’t know what happened.

[sup]1[/sup]Or at least defying physics by using physics, which makes it all okay.

15

Good points, Broomstick. The way I see it, the minute a pilot starts letting panick creep into his voice, it’s all over. Keeping a calm, clear head in the cockpit is essential, no matter what’s happening.

16

As I understand it, he didn’t retire by choice. The FAA mandates retirement at 60 years of age. Haynes was pointed to as a reason the rule should be abolished, as he had the experience to save a good many lives.

17

I am going to begin using this as my catch-all phrase for near-disaster immediately. Thanks, Labdad!

18

Paula Poundstone, Imitating a Pilot on the intercom
People on the left- there’s some really cool stuff out your windows. Don’t all look at once!

Dennis Leary, Imitating a Pilot on the intercom
Folks, this your captain. Look, uh… light 'em up, 'cause we’re going down.

19

Oh, that was beautiful!

20

Could easily have been the old hot-coffee-in-the-lap emergency.