Supervisor:
Look, motherfucker, if you’re going to move through my office like a dervish and tell me I need to be working on your project, it’s the highest priority, and everything else has to wait, do me a few favors first.
- Find out what I’m working on rather than your project. You pointed to the document on my desk and referred to it as “whatever that is.” Please find out who I’m reviewing it for, why, and when I need to deal with it before you dismiss it out of hand. The project I was working on may have tens of millions of dollars at stake whereas your project is a backstop for other projects.
- Get me the information I requested for your project three days ago. That’s what’s holding me up. If you can’t, or don’t have the time, give me some direction on how to find it myself and I’ll have you review it. Those data are your area of expertise and you promised them to me. I’m simply not qualified to find and review that data just as a pediatrician is not qualified to do heart surgery. Do your fucking job.
- If you don’t have the time to follow through on your promises, try working a full day. I told you what I needed from you before you left at 3PM. I finished up everything I could for your project by 4PM and sent it to you, again highlighting what I needed from you. I spent the next three hours working on other projects, because when you don’t bring in any work for nine months, I find it elsewhere and make sure my plate is full.
- If you want me to start my day with your project, show up to work before me and tell me what needs to be done. I left yesterday evening thinking the project was done. When I got to work this morning, I started to make phone calls for other projects. When you strolled in a half hour later and saw me on the phone discussing another project, you started freaking out. “This project has got to be your number one priority,” is what you say, but what I hear is “Sit around with your thumb in your ass for a half hour while you wait for me to show up and tell you the project I told you was done isn’t done.” Again, please check what the hell I’m working on before you tell me I need to bump it for the shit you said was already done.
- Find out from the client what’s expected before you tell me I’m done with the project. The first time I was done was four weeks ago. Two weeks later, I checked again, just to be sure. Now, this week, you’ve been running around like a chicken with your head cut off because you’re expected to turn a shit load of work around in only a week. I could have cleared my schedule if I knew this was coming.
- Don’t tell me it’s a good thing I didn’t have any other projects I needed to be working on this week. I do. I’ve just been doing them after you leave each day and send you the newest thing you’ve asked for. I didn’t clear my schedule for this. Unlike you, I have things I’ve been working on over the past nine months.
My other supervisor (You know him. He’s the one who’s been bringing in work that I’ve been busy with.) is the kind of guy I can work a long day for without complaining because I know he’ll be there when I come in and when I leave almost every day. You, Mr. Heads-Home-at-3PM-Two-or-Three-Days-a-Week, aren’t. Don’t come in late and expect me to magically know I should be doing something for you.
You’re a smart guy. I’ve learned a lot from you, and I’ll learn more. You aren’t an insipid buzzword spewing machine, but you really need to work on managing your resources and time. I can’t drop everything because you screwed up and didn’t understand your part in a project. I have commitments to other managers and supervisors. You know I regularly work for two other supervisors, and pick up bits and pieces from a dozen more. They can have deadlines ranging from “sometime” to “one hour from now.” There’s a limit to how accommodating I can be, and your habit of leaving early and showing up late is pushing the limit of how accommodating I’m willing to be even lower.
