OK!
I WILL!
BWA-HA-HA-HA!
If you’re sportin’ Hunter’s Safety Orange in said tower and want to remain inconspicuous, you might want to consider nibbling on Cheetos instead.
Just sayin’.
That was the funniest thing I’ve read in the pit in months. Perfect.
Cazzle, oy! I hadn’t sat through the whole presentation, so I had to go back and look. DAMN! Doesn’t anyone proofread anymore?
I’ve said many times that I’m headed to the roof with my rifle. So I’m with you, Scylla. For this minor transgression and thousands of others.
I think it’d be much more therapeutic to give the M1A1 a workout.
Ino, are you named for a certain Usagi Yojimbo character?
Hold the phone there, furt.
That poor kid is now a flaming-car-trapped-glue-encrusted-bicarbonate-intolerant child.
Now you’re talkin’ my kind of fun.
Let’s see a municipal SWAT team hadle a crack-crazed Scylla with a Ma-Deuce.
Hell, if I was a Dorito-choking-flaming-car-trapped-glue-encrusted-bicarbonate-intolerant child, I’d be begging for someone to shoot me with an M1-A1.
COFFEE MAY BE HOT - And that’s the very reason I drink it.
BUS MAKES WIDE TURNS - Holy crap, it’s like someone designed the fucking thing to be bigger than a Corolla. Look out!! That big fucking thing is BIG!
WARNING: ESCALATOR IS BROKEN, PLEASE USE STAIRS - What, you mean the big fucking metal ones right in front of me?
DORITOS ARE NOT ACTUALLY BITE SIZED - and anyone who continues to fumble along under the hallucination that Doritos-brand corn chips are bite-sized at any point after the chip is in their fucking mouth deserves what’s coming to them.
Scylla, I’m with you; let me grab my shotgun and I’ll be right up. But if you’re going to climb the tower, the Management strongly advises you to consult your physician before starting any workout program involving stairs. Also, please hold the handrail on the way up for your safety. Be sure to wear hearing and eye protection when operating any firearms. For your own safety, do not point firearms at yourself. Do not taunt Happy Fun Doper.
Scylla, if you’re seriously considering the CN tower, may I recommend that you use one of these puppies, or maybe a Weatherby rifle 
I am not, probably because it’s a lower-case L and not a capital i in my name. Careful, or I’ll end up in the tower myself, once I get the main battle tank up the stairs.
I can’t watch the OP’s link here–are we talking about the *mini-*Doritios (the ones that come in a canister and are about the size of a quarter) here??? (Can’t find a pic, but here’s a descriptive link.) They’re not bite-sized? What is the average size of a marketer’s mouth?
We’re well on the way. I saw a sign on a bathroom towel roll recently that said “Do not put head in loop.” In two languages.
The one in Austin is open again. And we know that one works good.
Perfect!
My hair dryer thoughtfully reminds me that I shouldn’t use it in the shower.
Oh, geez. I can just hear the news interview now:
Reporter: Sir, we understand that you were somehow involved in this tower event. Was it drug related?
Doctor Jackson: No, um, not exactly. It’s Straight Dope related.
R: Huh?
DJ: Well, see, I was scanning General Questions when I noticed a thread on bee sting therapy. It sounded interesting, so I clicked in. Mr. Scylla was imparting some pretty impressive knowlege about bees and stings, interspersed with attempts at humor…
R: Attempts at humor? What do you mean?
DJ: Well, you’d have to know Mr. Scylla. Anyway, I called him on a factual error (or trademark infringement - still his option) he made within one of his jokes concerning the slogan for Doritos corn chips. Apparently he, in a vain search to be proven correct, found something on the Doritos web site that, well, flipped his chips. Rumor has it that he was pretty unstable anyway, what with the groundhog incident and all…
R: The groundhog incident?
DJ: Um, yeah, the Evil Nazi Groundhog incident. I’m surprised you didn’t know about it. Sad, really. It pains me just to think about it. Oh, the rodentia! You know, the sad thing is that I meant the call out to be all in good fun - just a little gentle ribbing. I didn’t know it would lead to this. All because I didn’t use a smilie.
R: Would you, in hindsight, have done anything differently?
DJ: Naw. I hate smilies. They do look like they’re having fun up there, don’t they?
Sadly, HS, we’re talking about the original regular sized Doritos. Which I guess should not be called bite sized, regardless of the size of your yapper.
I might be tempted to come up the tower just to look at all the cool guns you guys have. But I will not eat the chips, they are very unhealthy.
And for your own safety, don’t let me touch anything that’s loaded.