I don’t know what counseling could do. He would just say whatever he thought wife and counselor need to hear.
Time to say hello to Dumpsville.
Counseling isn’t magic. He could end up trying just that. What counseling can do is give motivated people the awareness and tools to change their behaviors, if they so choose. Whether he’ll try to make the change, or not, I could not begin to predict. I do believe that it would be reasonable to make the attempt if Wife has any mixed feelings about leaving, at all.
Worse comes to worst, at least she’ll be able to tell herself that she did make the effort.
Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh…
And it all makes sense…
Really? Do tell…
I don’t want to go into details because I promised I wouldn’t. But suffice to say that there was an…episode…in his childhood.
He also says that he was a child who didn’t get much attention from his parents. They fed him, clothed him, berated him if he got anything less than a ‘B’ and that was about the extent of their parenting. They didn’t go to his events in school but they always made it to his sister’s. He has lots of examples of where he felt as though he was failed in his childhood. I always felt bad for him when he told me. I’m soft-hearted like that. :o
Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh…and you cannot just drop it like that…
A limp what?
This is how my ex-liar would exlpain his childhood. His father would not even speak to him. At least I think that part was the truth. I know his father evicted him from his mothers home. After his grandmother died he was staying there for free but fixing up the house for sale. I am still unclear if he ever really did most of the work but I did see the eviction papers.
Being a liar of course it is hard to say if even the childhood part is true. He spoke with his mother quite often so I think it more centered on his father. I know he told me once that after he graduated high school that his dad wanted him to go to college but he did not want to so his dad kicked him out. Again, I have no idea if that is the truth.
There were a lot of stories he told me. In three years the list got very long and that does not even count the day to day lies. He also had a military lie but it involved how the Navy wanted him because of his glorious math skills but he could not pass the physical. I can’t remember if he actually ever told me what he could not pass. It did not take me long to figure out he did not have glorious math skills.
Bad childhood or not it came down to the plain fact that he was a liar. He lied when the truth was better. He lied to cover his ass. He lied to make him appear more capable. He lied about money. He lied about friendships. He lied about everything. If he told the truth now and then you would never be able to seperate it from the lies.
My god SomeUserName - you are so very similar to my story it’s quite scary. Mine also had a Navy lie - but he couldn’t stay in the Navy because of his ears.
Except I wasn’t smart enough to get out in 3 - I stayed for almost 5.
My ex-liar also gave me reason to believe he had been sexually abused. However, he was the master of dropping misleading hints and letting you fill in the gaps to what he wanted you to believe. I do know, however, that there was some non-sexual physical abuse so that may have been a part of it (there were physical scars and verification through his brother, who managed to turn out quite well). Maybe that explains it.
Who knows - I have gone so far past the point of caring and believing in him to caring and not beliving but wanting to help him with what ere some obvious huge mental problems to being afraid of him to just not giving a shit how he got that way that it doesn’t matter anymore.
Is he talking about being an Army Ranger? Because I think it takes a while before you can become an Army Ranger. I would think that the whole process before actual Ranger training would take at least several months, but I could be wrong.
Either way, I don’t think it’s your place to get too involved in the whole thing, but I would hope his wife gets to the bottom of things.
Frankly, I wouldn’t take any of this as true either until you get multiple independent confirmations.
And you believe him?
Look, he may be a very nice, charming guy, who’s willing to do whatever for his friends. But quite frankly, if he lies, then he stays at arm’s length. I hope his wife gets this sorted out.
If it was not for an incident between us and me calling 911 on him I would mostly likely still be in the relationship. There were many times I wanted out but he refused to leave and I had no way to save money up to move out.
He had a warrant from 2004 so they took him to jail. It was for drug trafficking, allowing drug abuse and possession of criminal tools. Because the case was so old and his fast talking the judge only gave him ten days. I can only imagine the line of bull he spit out to the judge.
Ten lousy days to get my life back on track. I guess the short time was good or I may have dragged my feet. Our lease had expired a while back so I contacted the landlord and we created a new lease with just my name and my daughters. My life is not the best now and I am financially ruined but it is still far better than living with a liar.
The whole three years was nothing but a con and a lie. It is hard to imagine that someone would spend five minutes with someone like that much three or five years but when you fall in love your heart has a habit of getting in the way. You really want to believe them. You really want to trust them. You think maybe this time he is telling the truth only to have your hope crushed again and again. Your own self confidence drops to new lows. You also become dependent on the liar. My liar was a great man in every other way. He cleaned, cooked and did errands. The lawn was always mowed and the trash was always taken out. He appeared to have genuine sincerity about him that actually made me jealous at times since I can tend to be insensitive at times.
Now I know that all that was part of the con. A very clever way to create a false image of himself so that the lying seemed easier to deal with. Easier to put up with. Easier to ignore. Towards the end I did not believe a word he said but hey he was a really nice guy. BLAGH!
I really hope that the person the OP wrote about just has this one time lie from his past but I would be surprised if that is the case. If not then his poor wife is in for a world of hurt as well as the shock of discovering more and more lies that have been told through out the years.