People where I live park on the sidewalk in front of the Post Office door. Not next to the curb, but actually up on the sidewalk.
The other day I was going into that very Post Office having parked my car in the designated parking area, and had to go out onto the road to get around the Taurus station wagon parked on the sidewalk. As the person belonging to the Taurus approached her car, I remarked to her that…
‘IF THAT AREA HAD BEEN MADE FOR PARKING IT WOULD BE KNOWN AS A SIDE-PARK AND NOT A SIDE-WALK!’
She called me a rude bitch and gave me the finger.
My favorite is to sit there at the grocery store and watch people stand there staring at me through the glass doors, somehow complerely oblivious to the 1’X2’ sign placed directly at eye level saying:
I just love the fact that at my building, they have two ashtrays out front, with big glaring signs that say “NO SMOKING AREA”. And in the back of the building, there are signs everywhere on the loading dock that say “Turn off engines. Air intakes nearby”, but this is the DESIGNATED SMOKING AREA.
When pbrtallboy and I worked at Wal-Mart, we put a sign up on one of the registers that said “Express Lane! Prescriptions only!” to help out the people who needed to get in and get out. You wouldn’t believe how many fucking morons said, “can you ring up the 97,000 items I have in my buggy? I’m in a rush!” If you were in such a rush, why the hell did you spend an hour shopping? And then you got in the express lane that is for people who need to pick up medicine for their sick children or parents or selves, not some dipshit who needs his zit cream prescription that was written 4 months ago.
alice-I’m talking about Kmart’s new policy-no returns whatsoever-no exchanges, store credit-nada-without a receipt. Too many assholes screwing us over.
And people are all huffy about it. It even says right over the service desk-must have a receipt.
And to their credit, they’re sticking to it.
I know some stores do it-I’m just saying when a store has a policy saying you must have a receipt-people shouldn’t throw a fit.
Well those people are getting around it now. I’ve been seeing this a lot over the last couple of weeks and I hope they put a stop to it. Now people split their order up into two or three orders. :rolleyes: I stood behind some damn woman who wrote TWO fucking checks. Ugh 12 items means 12, not 24 in two piles.
I stamped 'em. That’s right- three of them outside this morning, smoking DIRECTLY in front of the HUGE RED No Smoking sign. I walked right up, tapped one on the shoulder and BAM- big red letters.
BANNED.
Banned forever. The scarlett B. Bonehead. Bu Bye.
The other two scattered like roaches but I’ll get them tomorrow. You’ll see…I’ll get them yet…
I had a couple of jackasses do the “rules don’t apply to me” thing recently at the film festival. I got revenge, too.
It wasn’t a sign, but it was an announcement before the movie started, by the film fest rep at that cinema: “Don’t talk. It’s distracting. People paid for the movie, not to hear you talk.” A smattering of applause greeted this.
But sure enough, the two women on my left figured that, because they were fluent in Turkish, the language of this movie, that gave them the right to chatter away. I shushed them a couple of times in the first ten minutes; after the second time, one of the women said, “What? You don’t speak Turkish.” And the other woman said, “Jerk.”
I gave up after that, but at the end of the movie I gave an earful to the festival usher who was sitting on the other side of the two women.
Oh, and if they hadn’t been so obnoxious, I would have happily let them know about all the stuff that dropped out of one of their purses as they were getting up to leave. I sure hope it wasn’t important…
Point of clarification: For maximum effect, the word must be pronounced as it is in the South: egnurnt. If one is sufficiently roused, a long a can be added to the first syllable: aygnurnt.
I would pay good money to see Zette whirling around a rulebreaker Yoda-style, repeated pistoning the “BANNED” stamp into his or her body, all the while shrieking "Aygnurnt! Aygnurnt! AYGNURNT!
Point of clarification: For maximum effect, the word must be pronounced as it is in the South: egnurnt. If one is sufficiently roused, a long a can be added to the first syllable: aygnurnt.
I would pay good money to see Zette whirling around a rulebreaker Yoda-style, repeatedly pistoning the “BANNED” stamp into his or her body, all the while shrieking "Aygnurnt! Aygnurnt! AYGNURNT!
Shit, stop by my hospital tomorrow morning- I’ll be there, pissed and armed with my stamp. Just buy me a coffee. No money need change hands- I’m just trying to do the public a favor, here.
Dread Pirate Jimbo and I were helping to fight the good fight yesterday; we went to my bank, and walked past a big ole truck idling in the handicapped parking space out front (no tags, no indication of any kind that the guy waiting was handicapped, except for his inability to read signs). There was only one woman in the bank machine vestibule, so we proceded to have a fairly loud discussion of how irritating and illegal it is that people pull into the handicapped spaces cause they’re “just running in”, instead of pulling into one of the multitude of regular spaces right next to it that would involve walking an extra 10 feet. Sure enough, she walked out of the vestibule and hopped (literally) into the truck parked in the handicapped space. I hope her ears were burning, and I hope she gave her loutfriend an earful, too.
I’m having a second thought. I think tomorrow I’ll address one smoker as “Nosmo” and ask where his crown is. I’ll just say “OH, I saw that sign and I thought you were the Nosmo King”. Are these your subjects?
Don’t tempt me, I have sworn to use my powers only for good. And I have a hard enough time resisting my OWN evil ideas, you shouldn’t give me any more.
Next to the entrance of the school parking lot: Entrance Only, No Exit. Next to the Exit: Exit Only, No Entrance. There are arrows, big yellow ones, painted on the ground pointed in the proper direction of travel. You see, there are three buses arriving and departing every morning and afternoon, along with about 200 cars. By restricting the flow of traffic to one direction (enter at the south end, exit at the west end) traffic flows more smoothly, and more importantly, the possibility of accidents is greatly reduced. Also, notice that the parking spots are all angled towards the south. This means that you are to travel north in the aisles between them.
Also, those signs along the curb east of the entrance? The ones that say, about every 20 feet, No Parking, Stopping, or Standing? The ones next to the red painted curb? Those mean that you are not to drop your child off there. See the yellow curb on the west side of the entrance, the one next to the signs saying No Parking, Unloading Only? That’s where you should drop your child off if you do not wish to enter the parking lot. See, there are going to be a lot of cars pulling into the parking lot. If you pull past the entrance before dropping off your child, all of those cars that would have been going past you, and turning in front of you, creating an accident hazard that endangers you and your children while you are parked and then pulling back into the busy lane, all of those cars are now turning behind you. By using the proper zone, you avoid more than 95% of the morning traffic. In the nine years I’ve been here, we’ve had exactly zero accidents involving cars in the designated zone, and around a half dozen in the illegal area.
See, now, I think this is friggin’ hilarious. Unfortunately, however, experience tells me that trying this joke on your average troglodyte will just result in 20 extra minutes wasted while you explain it to them afterward. Although you could probably cut the time down if you carried a whiteboard on wheels with you: “…okay, now, where’d I lose ya? [cap off red marker] skreek skreek N-O-S-M-O is the first half of this phrase here, see?..”
I work as an engineer for Big Chemical Inc. We have routine problems with people sneaking smokes in isolated corners (indoors or out) particularly on night shift. Lately, however, they’ve upped the stakes: peeing outside. And it’s hot and still out on the roof so it gets really ripe. Manager discovered the grand slam yesterday: beer can filled with butts that someone had peed in.
Thank heavens I am getting a transfer. (Oh, and in terms of the OP, there are NO SMOKING signs everywhere inside and out. No “no-peeing” signs though.)
“The penalties for recklessly causing a wildfire and ignoring campfire bans should be dramatically increased at the state and federal level. U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo, a Colorado Republican whose district includes lands seared by the Hayman fire, proposes increasing the federal fine for an illegal campfire from the current, paltry $25 to a get-your-attention $1,000. Colorado voters (when they can stop coughing from the Hayman smoke) should laud his efforts. If the fire season continues, Gov. Bill Owens also should consider calling the legislature into special season to toughen Colorado’s statutes, too.”
(Thanks for the link, Zette.) A thousand dollars? Toughen the statutes? I imagine the statutes will be toughened enough to do away with fines and raise the penalty to drawing and quartering.
