This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
481

Inspired by Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes

I had a turkey to be killed
But since I lacked the need skill
I asked for a person who would do it good
And heard the tale of Little Red Riding hood
Who had killed a wolf, bad and big
And later saved three little pigs
From being another wolf’s dinner
I knew this child would be a winner.
So I called her, made a date
For the turkey to meet his fate.
She arrived, smiled real good
And whipped a pistol from her hood
Aimed it at the turkey’s head
And BANGBANGBANG she shot him dead.
And now that she had killed the beast
I invited her to partake of our feast.
And though it may seem quirky
That’s how we killed our Thanksgiving turkey.

482

This turkey got in the way of Annie-Xmas who is crushing it today!

483

This turkey tripped while drinking through a stainless steel straw.

484

This turkey was decapitated while trying to jump-start a helicopter. His last attempt was a success. . .

485

This turkey shouldn’t have been bumped until next month.

486

This turkey killed John Wick’s dog.

487

This turkey went up to the roof to check the reactor core.

488

Spoilsport! :stuck_out_tongue:

489

This turkey was killed by a Dallas police officer who “made a mistake.”

This turkey supposedly died of “natural causes,” but it happened in Arkansas. Add it to the Clinton body count list. “It knew something about the Clintons and was probably killed by one of their henchmen.”

490

This turkey answered the wrong robo-spam call.

This turkey ate yogurt past the expiration date

This turkey ate food that was on the floor for six seconds. Violating the 5-second rule has deadly consequences.

This turkey declawed her cat, then posted about it on social media.

491

This turkey succumbed to suicidal thoughts after taking Chantix.

492

Ground meat. LMAO!

This turkey got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas eve.

493

I shot the turkey,

But I did not shoot the chickadee.

494

“This Turkey was Killed with a Sharp Knife.” That would do well on a headstone.

495

This turkey was killed by the tobacco industry who will stop at NOTHING to keep people smoking for as long as they can, including making up false rumors about a drug like Chantix that gives you a permanent mild buzz that is the exact equivalent that you get from smoking (it blocks and partially activates the same pleasure receptors in the brain that smoking does). I know because I used it very successfully for only two months I and haven’t had even a puff of a cigarette for almost eight years now.

496

This turkey was presented with a choice: depart these lands forthwith and remain henceforth and forevermore banished, or suffer the ultimate penalty. He chose death.

497

This turkey (me) sometimes had strange dreams* and more rarely, some odd waking thoughts while taking Chantix. The odd mental stuff was too much for me so I stopped; but I believe it works well for some people.

*This doesn’t describe it very well because dreams can be very “strange” for anybody whether they’re taking Chantix or not. But this was a “something is not right” feeling of strange and involved somewhat dark ideations though not suicide, exactly.

498

This turkey was walking alone in a bad neighborhood after dark looking dangerous. What did he expect?

499

This turkey tugged on Superman’s cape
This turkey spit into the wind
This turkey pulled the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And this turkey messed around with [del]Jim[/del] Slim

500

This Turkey was killed by the Kurds
No, way!
No, whey.