As God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly.
This turkey died because it went swimming less than a half hour after eating.
This turkey bravely gave its life while rescuing 16 eggs from a tragic coop fire. (Precooked; reheat at 300 degrees for 30 minutes.)
This turkey was killed while resisting arrest during a protest in Damascus.
This turkey was found dead in bed with an empty can of Dust-Off.
This turkey tugged on Superman’s cape,
this turkey spit into the wind,
this turkey pulled the mask off that old Lone Ranger
and this turkey messed around with Jim.
This turkey opened the Ark of the Covenant.
What did you use for stuffing?
This turkey slept in a room with a fan on. In Korea.
This turkey went “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home. It just HAD to die.
That’s my story & I’m sticking to it.
In the livestock farming system, the turkeys are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the farmers, who eviscerate and distribute meat; and the Markets who sell them. These are their stories…
This turkey drowned from looking up in a rainstorm.
“This turkey was assassinated by the CIA.”
This turkey was killed while trying to escape.
This turkey was killed by being trampled at a Who concert.
This turkey was killed by choking on it’s own scarf while driving.
This turkey died on the 4th of July shortly after uttering the words, “Hey Y’all! Watch this!”
This turkey caught a ride home from Ted Kennedy.
This turkey died tangled up in the gears and belt of a treadmill during an ill-conceived experiment to see if it could attain lift-off.
This turkey choked on a pretzel.
This actually worries me just bit. Not only was I not the only one to come up with this, but somebody else thought of it before I did. This may be a sign of the coming of the Dope-pocalypse.
This turkey dreamed of Freddy Krueger. Pre-sliced.
This turkey walked five steps after being subjected to the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.
This turkey took a shower during a thunderstorm.
This turkey was found underneath a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, in the middle of a cornfield in Kansas.
This turkey was texting “LOL” to a friend when suddenly a winter sports enthusiast appeared and threw him into a quarry.
This turkey was assassinated by Mossad. Don’t ask why.
This turkey married Henry VIII.
This turkey was defenestrated by a rival turkey.
This turkey isn’t really dead, it’s just pining for the fjords.
Damn it, you beat me to it. So I’ll do the other joke I wanted to make…
This turkey took a knife while arguing in traffic.
This turkey died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus.
Stuff it? It wasn’t empty!