This turkey dated Joran Van der Sloot.
This turkey went running back to a car stalled on the railroad tracks, to get her boyfriend’s class ring.
This turkey had forgotten the face of its father.
This turkey’s lack of faith was… disturbing
… or committed suicide. I haven’t made up my mind.
This turkey chose … unwisely.
The other turkey got the Lady.
This turkey told us he was sick.
This turkey regretted he had but one life to give for Thanksgiving.
This turkey’s name was John.
This turkey failed its saving throw.
This turkey died young and left a good-tasting corpse.
This turkey put a bottle to it’s head and pulled the trigger. (Fully marinated, just bake and eat!)
This turkey carries her dreams with a broken wing. Man, you ought to see her fly.
This turkey spent the night in the pines, where the sun never shines, and shivered when the cold wind blowed. (Thaw three hours at room temperature or in the refrigerator overnight.)
They found this turkey’s head in the drivin’ wheel, and his body in the pines.
This turkey went down in flames. (Natural smoke flavor!)
This turkey stopped lovin’ her today. (Fresh, never frozen!)
This turkey took four steps toward the door.
Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon this turkey’s head.
This turkey was killed by a chicken armed, apparently, with a pullet gun.
All in the merry month of May, when green buds all are swellin’, this turkey on his deathbed lay for love of Barbara Allen.
…that swallowed a fly.
I don’t know she swallowed the fly
But she died.
This turkey molested Eric & Lyle Menendez.
House’s team misdiagnosised this turkey (IT’S NEVER LUPUS!!!)
"They’re too precious about the food. ‘Hello, my name is Aldo and I’ll be your waitperson tonight. Tonight’s special is wood-roasted breast of free-range chicken. Your chicken’s name will be Maurice. As a young chick, Maurice roamed the lush pastures and fertile valleys. He was free and happy. He enjoyed supervised activities - golf, Pictionary. He dreamed of visiting India, of one day being a circus performer. But when he reached five pounds, we cut his head off! sniffle He is survived by his wife Henrietta and two eggs…’ " - Marga Gomez
This turkey was nibbled to death by ducks.
This turkey pissed off Randall Flagg in Vegas.
This turkey had a count that came up light.
This turkey brought his mom a Cadillac with the Air France money.
This turkey thought the crew didn’t know he was a Rat.
turkey: Doc, it hurts when I do this! kills self with sharp knife
turkey doctor: Then don’t do that!
This turkey drank the vessel with the pestle instead of the chalice from the palace.