I entered a business with a maze of velvet ropes strung from short, metal poles to guide customers to the window. Only there was no one in line. Not wanting to wander through the maze, I hopped over the first row of ropes.
Completely forgetting that I was wearing a backpack full of books, and needed to push off extra harder to clear the rope.
I had enough forward and vertical momentum to land atop the rope, but not enough to clear it. My feet brought the rope to the floor. And all the metal poles followed, pulled down by the ropes, like dominoes attached by string.
At the time we had 2 boxers, Rocco and Dino. I went to the bank one day and Rocco came with for the ride. I was in the drive-thru and the teller sent out a dog treat. I handed it to Rocco and he just sniffed it and acted like he didn’t want it. So I said, “you’d better eat this or Dino will get it.” I swear his eyes popped out of his head like a cartoon when he heard that. He immediately gulped it down.
When you’re setting a dock plate into a semi trailer, there is a pinch point between these two big metal plates. You have to stand on it to flatten it out. I tripped as the thing flattened out, and the pinch point luckily just caught my pants. And held them fast. I yelled for help to no avail. I had to wriggle out of my pants, and pop the plate back up to free my pants. And I was going commando.
You know that gag in Family Guy where Peter knocks a gaping hole in the side of Cleveland’s house during one of his misadventures, revealing Cleveland sitting in his bathtub, and Cleveland yells “No no no no NO NO Ahhhh!” as the bathtub slowly begins to tip out the hole? Well several years ago I was replacing some florescent tubes in my garage. I leaned one of the new tubes against the side of the ladder (a bad idea in hindsight) as I was removing one of the old tubes. As I was doing so I saw the new tube slowly start to fall over. Just like Cleveland, I yelled “No no no NO NO!” as it started to fall.
Unloading my shopping from a trolley into my car. The ground’s not quite level, and the trolley starts to roll as I put the last bag in, toward the car parked next to me. A lady is getting into that car, on the other side. I hurriedly put the last bag down, and grab for the trolley, a fraction of a second late- as my hand closes on the handle, it juuuuust touches the wing mirror of the neighbouring car, which promptly falls off, dangling by a wire, leaving me standing there with the expression :eek:
Then the lady rolls down the window and says ‘It’s OK, you didn’t break it, it was just balanced there, I’m getting it fixed soon’.
The store I work at had two brothers working there. One of them went out to collect shopping carts and wheeled a long line of them into the store, down the ramp, and into the ladder that his brother was standing on, putting things onto a high shelf. The other cashier and I watched, horrified. Fortunately, nobody was hurt.
Oh, and the brothers were from Mexico. Talk about your Mexican standoffs!
My company recently hired a young, attractive administrative assistant. When I first saw her, my eyeballs bulged out of my head, floated in mid-air and made the sound of a klaxon horn, as my lower jaw clanged to the floor and my tongue rolled out like a red carpet. I was advised that this behavior is now considered “problematic” and received a written warning from HR.
My first dog, the first time we ever took him swimming, we took him on a raft to the middle of my aunt’s pond. He doggy-paddled so hard to the shore that he literally kept his chest out of the water.
I was eating lunch in a small restaurant in Kawasaki, Japan. The cook broke an egg, but it got away from him, somehow bouncing off the counter and up onto a cuboard above where I was sitting at the counter.
From there, it dripped onto my shirt and pants. They paid for my cleaning bill.