Warren turned a corner and suddenly heard a loud ripping sound. He’d stepped on a long skirt and now it’s wrapped around his ankle. And boy, did that woman scream! She picked the perfect way to get back at Warren–she…
… calmed herself, went to a police station, reported the man as a sexual predator, sued him for sexual harassment for $450,000, won, then filed a restraining order.
That wasn’t the end of Warren, no way. Warren was pissed off now. The bitch cow had taken everything, she would soon learn about about sexual preditors. So he got her a subscription to “The Nation” and …
…“Penthouse”, all deliverable to her Catholic mother’s house…
…was a MAN!!! Warren, hopelessly insecure in his sexuality, ran like the dickens into a parking meter. 
But as he approached, he slipped on a banana peel, and did a half-somersault, so the meter stuck up his rear end! He sure got a charge from that! It isn’t every day you find a gay parking meter.
Meanwhile, across the street, Leroy and JoeAnne Jackson were walking toward the corner. JoeAnne’s boobs constantly shimmied as she walked, and Leroy–her husband for 19 years–kept watching them.
“Leroy,” she snapped, “Quit watching my tits! And pay attention! Or you’re gonna smack right into that lammpost!”
Leroy gave a stupid grin and started pawing her.
“That’s enough!” yelled JoeAnne. “Leroy, I…I…oh…oh god…”
He could always turn her on by fingering her…
…fingers. She was like that.
Meanwhile, down the street came a guy who considered himself God’s gift to women. He came face-to-face with four firebrand feminists. When one glowered at him he…
gave an ear to ear grin “hello darlin’s” and they went red angry at him to which he slapped them on the buttocks and jiggled his eye brow
…aand the tallest and strongest of the women grabbed the fly of his slacks and yanked–tearing the fly of the slacks and the front part of his shorts away, and leaving him exposed on the street. He was promptly arrested by a policeman whose wife had been an abused child.
Warren, meanwhile, looking for new one-minute conquests, zeroed in on a busty, older blond woman, in dumpy jeans and blouse. He realized he’d picked the wrong target when the woman…
…asked if her friend could join them. Like almost all men, Warren has a healthy 2 chicks fantasy, but how in the hell can a man be expected to satisfy 2 chicks when he can’t
even satify one…
…and sure enough, the two women wore him out, and continued on their way after putting their clothes back on. They didn’t bat an eye.
Warren, meanwhile, checked into a rest home–where, he found out to his anguish, 98% of all of the employees were women! He realized his immediate future was gong to be…
But isn’t Warren still anally impaled on the parking meter? Enquiring minds want to know how he got out of that one.
…spent awake lest he lose vigilance and die from his medications being screwed up by one of the dumb broads. Insult of all insults, one of the doctors was even a woman! No idea how she got through med school, thought Warren as she stepped into his room and …
No idea how she got through med school, thought Warren as she stepped into his room and …
Started to undress, right by his bed. He sized her up. She was about 6’3", weighed approximately 185 pounds, and had an impressively hourglass figure. He could see that her face was flushed; the pupils on her sky-blue eyes, shining through a very professional pair of glasses, were quite large; and he even noticed a slight dripping from her crotch, through the blondest of blond pubic hair. He also glanced at the inside of one wrist and noted that her own pulse was quite fast. He figured she had a heart as powerful as a diesel engine.
In a deep sultry voice–professional, but sultry nonetheless–she said: “Mr. Stannard, I am going to perform non-repressive libidinal therapy on you.”
Despite the medical jargon she used he knew full well what she intended to do.
And when she lifted the corner of his blanket and started to step into the bed, he knew. His own pulse quickened and he…
licked his lips in anticipation at the crotchless Fredericks
of Hollywood thong and white lace hose and garters she would be wearing, since of course all nurses wear that under
their uniform.
She pulled up her skirt, and it was the motherlode! Then she
grinned coyly and reached for his…
he pulled up her skirt, and it was the motherlode! Then she grinned coyly and reached for his…
undershorts, the only garment he was wearing. With two strong arms and wrists she tore the shorts in two.
He happened to glance at a name tag, with a caduceus superimposed, on her coat, hanging on a chair near the bed. it read, “Joan Breastly, M. D.” She pushed and moved him so that he was now on top of her. “Mount me,” she demanded in a sultry, breathy voice. His heart was racing now, as she pushed his face down on her breasts. He had a rock-hard erection now and…
…promptly fell asleep.
and at the moment, that very moment the medication wore off and he realized she was a 300 pound Irish minister who had a certain procedure at the age of 9 . . .
** 9…** out of 10 doctors heartily recommend a bisexual experience before you die. He figured this was his moment, and he reached out, eager to grasp the idea at it’s root and call it his own. He knew it was a handful, and yet believed that he’d not taken more than he could swallow.
Little did he know that there were over 75 WebCams hidden in the air ducts, linens, wallpaper and three secreted in various secret orifices that even as the outlandish d’amour began, were secreting their secretive secretions on and around the optically superior WebCams.
He was about to become a part of digital history, in more ways than he could imagine. Finally his unhealthy obsession with the supermarket bulletin boards were going to pay off ! A real lover!! A real woman, AND man !!!
He reached for the nightstand in his room, fingers blindly grasping for the one device that would complete a near-perfect moment. They slowly closed around a tremendous…
He reached for the nightstand in his room, fingers blindly grasping for the one device that would complete a near-perfect moment. They slowly closed around a tremendous…
…Star Trek- like laser gun. Or phaser, or whatever. Anyway, he pointed it at the Irish minister and pulled the trigger. then everything went white, and he saw a message in front of his face, in the same type face as the acknowledgment on the SDMB that appears when someone posts; he recognized it although he himself was not one of the Teeming Millions.
The message read, “It was Joan all along!”
When the white cleared, sure enough, he was straddling Dr. Joan Breastly, his chest resting on her big pendulous boobs, his manhood rock-hard and thrust deep into her vagina, and her muscular three-foot-long legs tightly wrapped around his midsection. His emotions reached a fever pitch and he realized that any moment now…