That’s the biggest mistake you’ve made so far in this situation.
I considered everything that was involved (trying to objectively ignore the threat), spoke to the Police Constable who was assisting me, and thought about the realistic likelihood of the court proceedings (with no witnesses to the act on my side). I think I did what was best.
Yeah.
If it were me I would always take the quickest, coward’s way out. Life is too short to risk bodily harm in nonsense such as this. Deranged individuals are highly unpredictable and not worth your time and health sticking around to try to figure out.
To illustrate, about 8 years ago I found someone on my local Craigslist to install a flat panel TV on my wall. He was a personable young German guy (though his nationality has really nothing to do with it.) We got along well; he was smart, funny and voluble. However, right from the start I noticed some strange quirks: he insisted on getting paid the moment he finished a days’ work, even if I didn’t have the cash and would have to go to the bank on a freezing, snowy day.
I overlooked any such behaviours until he started exhibiting paranoid tendencies; he was convinced I was very rich but was withholding this information from him. He was convinced that I was telephoning the monks at his Buddhist retreat behind his back and talking about him. He began emailing me strange, vaguely threatening emails and then saying that someone had hacked into his account. These were isolated incidents, however, and most of the time he seemed perfectly normal. We even started thinking about starting a flower shop together.
That was when things started spiraling out of control (this was over a time span of about a year). His paranoia grew and he started calling me at all hours. I still was reluctant to admit he had a serious problem because most of the time he was a very normal, outgoing, funny, smart, friendly guy.
Then one day it came to a head. He came to my apartment building and rang me from downstairs. I told him I didn’t want to see him and to go away. He said he would only come in for five minutes; he had something important to discuss. He pleaded with me. So I let him in.
When he got in, after five minutes I told him to leave. He refused. He was a big guy and I knew he had been involved in violence in his more youthful days (he was about 35 years old). I threatened to call the police. He said “Go ahead.”
Now then, I had a choice: calling the police was something I didn’t want to do. First of all, he hadn’t actually done anything to me, nor made any threats. He just refused to leave, for reasons I couldn’t figure out. So calling the police was unknown territory – it was a serious escalation of the situation and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be there. I was pretty sure they would come (they come here – they don’t blow you off, even if it seems to be trivial. Canadian police are the best, and Québecois police are the best in Canada).
But it was a major dilemma. In the end, fear prevailed – I went to a neighbour’s and called the police and waited there.
By the time they got here, he had gone downstairs and was leaving. They stopped him at the entrance (I still have no idea how they knew who he was!)
I watched the whole thing unfold in the lobby camera – they talked to him for a while, and then he left. A cop came upstairs and I spoke with him. He told me that they couldn’t do anything unless HE had done something, which seems ludicrous. What, do I have to be beaten to a pulp before they do something?
He told me that the only thing I could do was document everything, if indeed he was stalking me.
The upshot was, that I never saw him again. He had gotten the message, luckily for me. Although he knew where I lived, he knew my habits, he knew how to get in downstairs, he knew everything.
About two months later, I was talking to my neighbour. She asked me if I had heard the noise the other night. I said no (I sleep with earplugs). She told me someone had been body-slamming my front door at about three in the morning. She didn’t go out to take a look, but she said it was very loud.
Needless to say, that put the fear of God into me.
My advice is, if you’re worried about your health, and you very much should be, I would go to the police and tell them everything. I would ask for police protection via a court order if need be – they should be able to provide it. Never mind if this means the guy going back to the slammer – that is obviously where his real stomping grounds are.
Either that, or just leave. If it’s not too hard, I would just inject myself out of the whole situation. It’s not a defeat, it’s a wise course of action. This is not a crime thriller. Avoidance is not cowardice, it’s good sense.
We only have one life and I would definitely not risk spending any of it in a hospital just because I had principles.
Some people might say, stand your ground, but I for one would always choose the least risky option.
Umm, NOTHING warrants a punch in the mouth, so sorry.
It shouldn’t be your task to interpret or misinterpret anything. If you even have the slightest doubts as to what’s going on, just call the police. You are not a policeman and are not required to try to figure out what illegal activity they might be involved in.
If someone is acting weird and nervous on a plane, I am not going to second-guess myself. I would take action first ask questions later. No one is going to punish you for reporting suspicious behaviour.
Police made no mention of an AVO? Please be very careful. I assume you are in Australia and someone here actually serving prison time means something. There are only about 10,000 people in prison in NSW because it generally requires some effort to get a custodial sentence. Someone with poor impulse control and a willingness to resort to violence sounds like a prime candidate. I’d be willing to bet he has punched a lot of people in the face.
If so, he’ll probably get in plenty more trouble without my help.
Unfortunately it goes in deaf ears. Without proof the Police can do nothing. They don’t even investigate suspicions anymore.
Unfortunately, yes, I think so. Intimidating behaviour without a witness isn’t enough to arrest someone.
These are all things I’ve learned in the past year, watching how the Police operate these days. They seem to harshly prioritise.
And yet, a couple of months ago I got fined for jaywalking.
So problem solved. Have him arrested for assault.
And then take a hard look at yourself and figure out why you feel you need to have the permission of anonymous strangers on a message board to assert your rights.
Move out.
This is good advice (and what he already said he would do), but it’s frustrating that the bullies win. It’s terrible to have to give up his home because of other people, even if it’s only rented digs, and moving is an expensive hassle.
The “law-abiding citizen” that punched him should OBVIOUSLY never have been let out of prison. Any fool that chooses to be around that kind of drama will be dragged into it. Moving is no more of a hassle or expense than living with a violent convict.
That’s true, but either way he’s being forced to take action by other people, people who are not going to pay the moving expenses.
I’d like to help, but first I need to go look up “share house,” “stroppy,” and “effing and blinding.”
This is not a place you will feel safe.
Ever.
Go.
The boyfriend clearly has serious impulse-control issues. Moving out is not “giving in” to someone with some kind of agenda. The dude’s just not right in the head. It’s like moving away from a house that’s next door to a mental hospital because you can’t stand the constant screaming, and the occasional escaped patients.
It’s scum like you that really make me sick!
What is “stroppy”?
roommates in a house
belligerent
inappropriate & obscene language
The part where you “went too far” was going off on someone, namely a pregnant woman, and then demanding that she leave her own residence. You tried to bully her and her boyfriend popped you in the mouth. Twice.
By your own admission you haven’t actually seen any drugs or drug use and may be “misinterpreting” everything. You don’t have to like everyone, you just have to coexist.
If you hadn’t gone off on her, do you think he would have randomly punched you? No.
Why do you think that you can go too far and it’s ok but other people can’t? Both of you were in the wrong, but when you did what you did, I’d say there is a pretty good chance that sooner or later getting punched in the mouth is exactly what is going to happen.
Perhaps you could share some of the obscenities you were screaming at her.
QFT.
I’m not sure why you think I disagree that he should move. Of course he should move. I never said otherwise. He has two choices, stay or go; both are have downsides, but it’s not like it’s a flip-a-coin situation. The downside of leaving is far outweighed by the downside of staying.
What I’m saying is that it sucks that he has to move, and not of his own free will; it sucks that the person forcing this choice will have no direct consequences and takes no responsibility for it. Neither he nor I can make it suck less; I’m just sympathizing.
Edit: And to the people who are telling him what a horrible person he is for wrongly demanding that the other resident leave: you’ve never lived in a bad situation, have you? In an argument, people can lose control. GuanoLad didn’t go so far as to hit anyone, and he recognized and admitted that he was partly in the wrong in that argument (specifically, totally in the wrong for insisting that the resident leave). He has also temporarily made up with the other party. What else should he do, flagellate himself? Invent a time machine, go back, and not say what has already been said?