Three items, 'nuff said

I’m guessing that I am not alone in having a household filled with unique and curious items too numerous to list.

I’m pretty sure of this, based on the ‘Weirdest book on your shelf’ and ‘Stuff on your desk’ threads I’ve read.

I’d be willing to bet I’m not the only pack rat in the group. I’m willing to admit I have a problem and to that end I have devised this healing exercise.

Since my house is currently being painted my office is buried in statuary and I am painfully aware of exactly how much stuff I actually have. In order to sum up exactly how bad it’s gotten here at my place I’ve been thinking about which 3 items really indicate that I may need help.

The three I have selected are;
1. A large and old shot put that I like to tell people is a canonball.
2. An egg just the shape of a hens egg that was used to put under the hen to make them lay, back in the day, came from my grandfathers farm.
3. Did I mention the fertility gods from Timor?

How about it?
Three items, 'nuff said.

Hmmm, methinks me can play along.

  1. The boxes of paperwork and odds and ends that I haven’t unpacked from moving into my apartment five years ago, that still sit in my living room.

  2. The unopened junk mail from a year ago or older.

  3. Damn, I got so many and it’s hard to tell which is worst. How about, the pile of empty boxes from when I moved in five years ago that I keep in the closet “for the next time I have to move”.

Yeah, my apartment would be so much neater if I didn’t live here.

Ooh, this is easy! My entire room is weird. I’ll cheat a little, and count “Things hanging from my ceiling.”

  1. A clothes label hanging from a string that says “I am WASHABLE!” I’m rather proud of that one.
  2. Three pink flamingos scattered about.
  3. a green plastic triceratops.

Can I do another one?
4. a mini shopping cart!

To make thing easy on myself, I will just pick from what is on my kitchen table:

  1. Four little gourds from last Halloween
  2. Three empty IBC Root Beer bottles
  3. A Wendy’s straw wrapper

Not me, but Mrs. Rastahomie:

  1. A Tupperware box full of crayons that are all melted together and thus completely useless.
  2. A birthday card from her 16th birthday.
  3. Jr. High English Lit book.

Only three?

Oh my, where to start.

  1. A real calfs tail (used for tying flies)
  2. a roll of duct tape
  3. 20+ cans of club soda (about two days worth for me I’m afraid,I can’t get enough of the stuff. I think I’m addicted)

I plan on getting rid of all the junk cluttering my room.
I hope.

ok …

  1. The entrance ticket to my Grade 10 Grad party!
  2. A roll of film from the mid 1980’s (still undeveloped … I should really get that developed sometime)
  3. My very first valentine! (awwwww … slightly sentimental even!)
  1. A fall of synthetic hair that my mom found at the Thrift Shop which, strangely enough, perfectly matches my natural hair color.

  2. The contents of an owl pellet, preserved in a clear plastic solidified goo, from Sixth Grade Camp.

  3. A cat o’nine tails.

I’m not going to bother explaining the presence of any of these items. You wouldn’t believe me if I did.

I’ll go with three items from my collection of comic book/graphic novels:

  1. A framed & signed copy of the “Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special,” which has Lobo hired by the Easter Bunny to rub out Santa Claus. Highly offensive - even more fraggin’ hilarious.

  2. A Spider-Man Spider-Car Hot Wheels on my entertainment center.

  3. A collection of “Kingdom Come” trading cards.

Working solely out of my office here i have:

  1. an ear of blue maize
  2. a 150 ml can of coke from england
  3. A Salt Lake City 2002 Olympic pin depicting a caserole dish of cheese potato caserole. (i kid you not)

(1) An empty Coca-Cola can from BEFORE New Coke (a classic can before there was “Classic Coke”)
(2) A collection of 1970s trading cards…junk like Mork & Mindy, Superman (movie), etc.
(3) A bucket of used aquarium sand.

Where to start? Where to end?

  1. A complete set of “The Monkees” trading cards.
  2. Two pieces of the Great Wall of China.
  3. Crude oil from the Daqing oil field.

  1. A Weasel Patrol comic book
  2. the invitation to a kegger I co-hosted back in 1984
  3. a half-dozen or so plastic pirate cutlasses
  4. a plastic Tyrannosuarus that plays the Alfred Hitchcock theme when you wind it up.

Whoops, that was four. Okay, strik the comic book. It’s not all that weird in this group.

  1. A straight, black china-doll wig from 3 Halloweens ago for my “Satan’s Whore” costume.

  2. A check for $100 that my aunt gave me for my birthday 4 years ago.

  3. A French poster of Davy Crocket, King of the Wild Frontier.

Working from the dorm room:

  1. a binder containing all of the poetry I wrote in 10th grade, with a picture of a flower puffy-painted on the front.

  2. A “larry the cucumber” finger puppet that terrifys my best friend, but is not useful, because she is in England.

  3. The manual for a graphing calculator I no longer have, which I have never read.

A foot-long braid of REAL hair (mine) that my mother thought I ought to keep for some reason.

A half-finished embroidery kit that I really am going to get back to some day. It’s been 15 years since I started it–no kidding.

A can of snails.

JUST from desk here at work:

  1. My photos of Ava Gardner and Victor Mature
  2. My small, weathered, rubber skull (11 year old got it for me–that’s love)
  3. My poster/calendar from La Michoacana (the little store that went out of business, but gave me this cool poster)

And can I add one more?
4) 8 months worth of the little round punch-outs from a paper puncher (I keep them in a special box. You NEVER know when you might need some confetti)

I’ve got some, cut me some slack on the first one (7 items, but I wouldn’t want to split up the set).

5 taxidermy bull frogs I picked up in Mexico. They all have instruments nailed to them to form a band. It also came with 2 smaller taxidermy frogs sitting at a table drinking little beers. It’s ugly as sin, walking into my apartment and seeing seven frogs sitting on the coffee table playing wooden insturments and drinking Corona, but it’s a great conversation starter.

I used to have a 6-ft tall cardboard cut out of Shamu that I stole from the enlisted club at Brooks Air Force Base which I would have kept, but I didn’t know how to pack it for the airplane trip home when I was discharged.

Refills for the gold Cross pen which I lost about 7 years ago, been using dispoable pens ever since.

  1. A 7 inch floppy disk
  2. The guts of my previous cordless phone
  3. Planet of the Apes board game, which hasn’t been played since 1974 or so.