Throw You Children To The Alligators! For Their Birthday! Newslink

(Scott Merritt: “Memoirs from a Contaminated Well”)

[ducks and runs]Let’s go down to the quarry and throw kids and 'gators in there![/ducks and runs]

I think he meant wrists, ankles, nose, and mouth. But I am reading between the lines a bit.

Of course the gators mouth should be untaped and it should be a hungry gator. One kid will have a bad party but the rest will have a party they will never forget! Priceless I tells ya.

Can we also give the gator a chainsaw? 'Cause that would be cool.

During my middle school deep south coming of age alligator pool party my parents saved up and gave the gator a trebuchet. I thought it was pretty classy but I think it went over most of the other parents heads. Though we did live closer to town in one of the more upper class double wides so I guess that was to be expected. My very poor but best friend Billy had to settle for a nutria with a weed wacker for his pool party.

That’s gonna have to pass the Aerosmith test.

That is touching.

If I could walk that way my alligator wouldn’t need the talcum powder.